Paleo Diet: Raw Paleo Diet and Lifestyle Forum
Raw Paleo Diet Forums => Health => Topic started by: littleElefant on March 03, 2013, 06:37:01 am
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Hi all,
I'm super embarrassed and feel so much like a loser. I hardly write in this forum any more because I am so depressed, I have no force any more and anyway there is nothing I can give to others, I have no answers, just questions, questions, questions.... I think about suicide all the time, it is just my daughter , I can not let her alone I think (not even sure if she wouldn't be better of without me).
My body is falling apart. It feels spooky. I lost almost all my muscle, my weight is sooo low I'm like a scarecrow. 38 kg, 1,65m, my veins on my legs and arms are sticking out, I look so sick. I was at the beach today, I did not dare to undress myself.
For a couple of years I'm more or less superthin and It was always a big problem for me but now something else is happening. I lose all my muscles, even in my face???
I was so often ill the last years, then I found out by myself that I'm apparently diabetic. I did not want to go on medications and tried to solve the problem myself.
I stopped more and more the carbs. Cut out all sugary, starchy food, even carrots,
Also I stopped eating meat and meat fat because I always was very very ill after some time eating it.
So I tried with lots of fish and seafood and low carb veggies. My blood glucose was ok but I lost even more substance. I did more and more fat to up my calories. (I do not digest fat well)
At the moment fatty fish, avocados, coconut and sometimes macadamianuts, that are my fat sources. Olive oil and coconut oil I try sometimes but it feels strange. Sometimes egg yolk but it seems to cause inflammation. To digest all this fat I take apple cider vinegar, sunflower lecithin, ginger, digestive enzymes and Creon, that's so ridiculous. After it I often have to take herbs and tinctures because I feel nauseous.
I take tonnes of other supplements and amino acids, also to calm me down and to help me sleep.
Since I started taking my blood glucose I'm even more scared of eating than I was before. Sometimes my glucose is superhigh just because I ate a kohlrabi or so with my meal. I eat almost no veggies any more, even to much onions and paprika give me spikes. But I love vegetables. I can not eat to much protein neither. Just avocados, coconut, I eat so much of it that I feel sick but I don't gain any weight or muscle mass.
My doc always tells me I have to eat glucose with protein to get stronger, sugar opens the cell for the protein, but sugar I can not do because of this diabetes condition, a ideology also told me I have pancreas insufficiency.
I don't now what to do with the situation any more, everything seems to be poisonous, even low carb veggies I can not enjoy any more. Low carb is very difficult without meat fat and butter and I doubt that it is very healthy. I also feel that I'm even more carb sensitive with all this fat in my body???
I feel so tired, I only want to live a simple and peaceful live, I want to know what to do to get out of this rollercoaster of sickness, blood sugar spikes, inflammation, nausea, depression, insomnia and underweight etc.
So negative what I wrote :P
but anyway something has to happen. This forum is the only place where I find people like me. Other elephants ;)
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I'm glad you have reached out here. You're sure to have lots of help. One thing that jumps out is the strong possibility of an omega 3-6 imbalance, depending on how fatty your fish is, whether you over- cook or even cook it, and where your eggs come from. But doesn't sound like you're eating many eggs anyway. I would like to steer you to Dr. Ron Rosedale. Easily found on the web. If you have problems finding his website let me know. He has the longest track record of helping diabetics with low carb, low to medium protein, and high fat. I'd be willing to help you out with questions you might have regarding his ideas if needed.
It would really help if you could find some really good grass fed beef and especially fat. The fat that comes off of roasts and steaks, usually trimmed by butchers and thrown away or used to grind with meat to make hamburger. As regards eating raw beef, try buying a good cut and slice it very thin. Wait to eat it until you are very hungry. You can salt it and or eat it with avocado to make it more palatable, should you like. Don't eat too much at first. Let your body learn to crave it, never overeating or adding large helpings of other foods immediately right after, which could cause digestion problems with the meat/fat. Is there someone in your area maybe from this forum who you could visit, to 'share' a few meals with you, for support?
Another really nourishing food is raw egg yolks. But if you're in Europe in the north, most eggs will come from chickens only fed grain, since spring forage isn't happening yet. Raw egg yolks mixed with a table spoon of shredded fresh coconut and a pinch of raw honey, and a sprinkle (little sprinkle) of celtic sea salt is almost candy.
Again, I appreciate that you shared and are trying to heal. That's half the journey.
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Whats your activity level been like through your life?
People on here have amazing intentions, but I think they tend to be more focused on diet and not enough on exercise. Genes expect us to eat a certain way, but they also expect us to move a certain way. We're wild creatures, meant to be well functioning hunters. Lifters, sprinters, sustained bouts of low aerobic activity. These are all things are genes need on a regular basis to be truly healthy. Being truly healthy is having your body built up to a muscular, high organ-reserve resource rich body that you worked hard for and that you're now being rewarded for with increased survival rates. Not just throwing food down the gullet and hoping for change while still not doing anything different.
Its a shame to hear of your depressed state, littleElefant, and I'd love to help you change your life. I'd recommend a regime of uphill sprints and maximum intensity lifting to give your body that PUSH that it needs to heal itself. It absolutely needs that signal to up-regulate its genes.
This signal sets forth likely thousands of positive changes that only increase the more you do it. This is whats going to make your body strong, resilient, and tolerant. Push yourself once a week with sprints, and once a week with taxing full body movements (I highly recommend isometrics). You'll be amazed at the way constantly pushing past your limits helps express the best in you.
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When you think of suicide, littleElefant, that may be a good time to run your very hardest up a few hills while your favourite music is blaring in your ears. If your body refuses to get out of its dis-eased lull, then force it to with maximum intensity movement! Then come home and chow down on your favourite delicious paleo meals, knowing that you're fueling your body's systems correctly and the next time you're only going to come back stronger.
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barefoot i think that your advice is rather dangerous. someone in little elefants depleted state should be resting and trying to gain weight, as well as trying to calm the adrenals. i will think a long time for you right now littleelefant, i love vans advice though, maybe try some fermented cod liver oils and butter oils, they are expensive, yes, but you need to invest in your health! also think about doing some bone broth soups or really rich soups with seaweed, these are so nourishing and should be very easy for you to digest. i know how much it is hard to get too thin and also have your blood sugar seem out of control. please dont give up and know that your mood is definitely a product of your health right now, and that once you start healing your mood will improve :)! ask away, write here, we will always want to help!
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I think that's maybe what you don't understand. Not doing the stuff I mentioned is what is causing this condition. There's nothing dangerous about doing it if you listen to your body and start slow. The number 1 key is not to push yourself unless your body feels like getting pushed, and can take the push. Adjust level to what is comfortable and overtime it will increase.
If that means a single 5 second, all out intense sprint for the entire week, then so be it. Next week you'll likely be able to do 10 seconds, or 2 5 second sprints.
Food alone is not going to heal this. Pushing past limits is what helps break genetic barriers. Eating food...Can't do what the effect of a bout of intensity can do. Its as simple as that. Work hard for your health, and your health will work hard for you. It is this that will change the expression of genes in favour of a non-diabetic, non-depressed existence, among many other things. Food is a fuel, exercise is the signal.
This is what is going to put on weight. The activity will drive her appetite, and her appetite will drive her health. Her health will drive proper body composition. This will drive happiness and contentment.
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barefoot i think that your advice is rather dangerous.
I think he is talking about short, high-intensity sprints, which aren't nearly as damaging as long-distance running. I agree, though, that she would need to start slowly and really listen to her body.
Little elefant, can you please post you daily diet, including the AMOUNTS of each food that you eat? I suspect you may not be eating enough calories.
Also, have you tried high meat/fish?
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Little Elefant,
try high meat, I bet it would help. You really should try it, it is very easily digested and a real mood booster.
Go to the ocean. Take off your clothes, walk bare feet in the sand and water. Do it some place where your alone if you need, but please, please do it. Your body needs sun! Naked is best. It helps mood, it helps anything in your body heal. I think van had great ideas / foods. You do not need carbs. But wild edibles are great, I am sure you can find them where you live, eat some every day. They are so healing. Wild berries too in season.
Where are you living little Elefant, is it in a city? Is there much EMFs around? Do you use wireless internet, or do you have close neighbours that do? What about Iphone or cellphone use. You must check out if your environment is polluted with any of that stuff. How is the place you sleep? You should test it. EMFs are something many easily forget to look at when having issues, but I assure you cities today are heavily polluted.
If your environment is too, and you do not know where to go, you are welcome to come here anytime just that you know OK. Here is quite OK yet. The EMF pollution is getting worse and worse.. first G3.. then G4.. then smart meters.. it is crazy. We must protect us or we will suffer. I have read into what it all does to our cells and it is scary. It is just, we cannot see it so we forget about it and think that is not an issue. But it is, I promise you. So please check out your health issues are not because of that, OK. Because then even the best food will not help.
BTW.. high EMF exposure = high blood glucose. I have checked the science.
Stress is also a huge factor. But I am sure you know that.
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What kind of doc are you seeing? Does s/he know how to manage diabetes with diet? What are your serum insulin and ketone levels? Also, I wonder about antibodies and heavy metals and stuff like that.
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To digest all this fat I take apple cider vinegar, sunflower lecithin, ginger, digestive enzymes and Creon, that's so ridiculous. After it I often have to take herbs and tinctures because I feel nauseous.
I take tons of other supplements and amino acids, also to calm me down and to help me sleep.
I feel so tired, I only want to live a simple and peaceful live, I want to know what to do to get out of this rollercoaster of sickness, blood sugar spikes, inflammation, nausea, depression, insomnia and underweight etc.
As I know you, I think the problem lays deep in your way of thinking. You have hundreds of books about diet and health teaching different approaches, you study naturopathy, iridology and all that. Then you think we or the authors of those books master what happen in biochemistry, metabolism and know everything various foodstuff contain, what is does in our bodies, what to do, what to eat, what we need, what to take. You think we, humans, are not animals because we know so much better.
In a sense that true, we know better how to kill each other, how to poison and destroy the environment, how to deplete the natural resources, how to create new harmful chemicals, how to make atom bombs and so on. On the other hand we designed and developed incredibly marvelous things such as huge airplanes, sophisticated computers, instant telecommunications all over the planet, space exploration and so on. How can we be so clever in science and technology and so stupid about our own health and nutrition, to the point that so many people are sick with all our science and knowledge remaining unable to solve their suffering whereas animals in the wild know better than us how to remain healthy??
Until 27 years ago I thought that there was probably some interventions of extraterrestrial beings who first perhaps created mankind by genetically modifying some apes and then taught us agriculture, how to cook food, make bread, cheese and wine…
Then I read GCB. I didn’t believe what he wrote but as I found it logical, I decided to give it a try. It was mainly to know if what he says, in this case that we still can eat 100% raw like wild animals, is true. And I found out it was true. No need anymore to explain the inventions of agriculture, bread, cheese and wine by the intervention of God like ETs!
Then there's not much difference left between homo sapiens and animals. We have to admit that our knowledge is extremely limited concerning the living phenomenon and the interactions between living systems, which are so incommensurably complex. Dietetics and medicine are still in the dark, their fundamental assumptions being erroneous.
When you mentally decide what to eat and decide to take supplements, you are stuck in the very way of thinking that brings every civilization to its doom, causing environmental disasters after disasters, just like medical interventions cause health disasters after disasters. We intervene in incredibly complex system which we don’t really understand, nevertheless stubbornly thinking that we know and can.
We don’t know what you should eat, no one knows. Only your own body knows and it will do the best it can to regain health. To let him free to properly choose what and how much to eat, keep your food range strictly into unprocessed raw paleo. Forget everything you think you know. Don’t follow anyone’s advice, but only the advices of your instinct. To allow it to function properly, ditch all supplements, processed foods such as vinegar, toothpaste and all such artificial things. Stop taking your blood sugar and your weight if it worries you.
:-*
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tank's so much to everybody that you have take the time to answer to me. I was very touched when I read all the responses. Sometimes it takes days for me to answer because there is so much to read and to investigate and I have so littel time but your info's and thoughts are already working 8) I dint feel so lost any more.
Also I made a decision. I put the glucometer away and I'm not going to touch it til I have gained my weight bay. Diabetic diet and gaining weight, I don't know how it should work. I think I have to do the carbs, sugars even if it is unhealthy. I never gained without sugar, even if I love the concept. The last days I even stood up in the middle of the night and binged, I'm so scared by my incredible skinnines, I always feel I have to eat, always feel nauseous the whole day -[. I have to calm down now.
---ok now it is two days later because I could not finish the response. I feel totally sick, my sugar is much to high, I stuffed myself like crazy, I have to go back on low carbs :P
Hi Ron
yes it is very likely that I'm in a 0mega 3-6 imbalance. I eat so many avocados, lots of sellfish and fatty fish, like Herring and mackerel. I don't cook my protein, everything is raw except sometimes some veggies. I just looked into Rosedale, and I think I really like his program, this is more or less what I tried to do but how am I going to gain weight with it?
Beef seems to make me very ill after a while, even the best grass fed beef. I do much better with wild food, but this is very difficult to get here. That's why I only eat wild fish at the moment. If I eat the food separate one after the other I tend to loos weight because I don't eat enough and also because it is so fast digested or I eat to much of one item and that can throw me out of balance as well. Iguana always tells me that as well. Good eggs are difficult to get here, at the moment I eat them anyway; I eat them with lemon juice to help digestion.
Barfootinstincto, thanks a lot for reminding me of the importance to exercise. I started doing rebounding and kettle belt swings and stuff and I already feel more alive. Going out when I think about suicide, that's a challenge. I'm sure it would be so right. My energy is going down constantly because my husband is so sick, he has cancer the second time and he is very weak and understandably is so negative and in a bad mood. I love him but it is hard to live in a hospital, this illness is everywhere.
Barfootinstincto, are you instincto, how does your diet looks like?
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LittleElefant, recently I've been chopping my food, specifically my fish, into much smaller pieces before eating it. It helps me to eat more of it, and digest it better too, I think. Maybe that would work for you.
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Hi Jessy
sure my adrenals are burned out, but some exercise is very uplifting I feel it. If I'm not moving, being in the house the whole day with my sick husband, it is so sad, it scares me,it makes me so sick, nothing is moving in here.
I never made bone broth and I don't get grass fed bones here :P But seaweeds I could do, how do you make it. Cod liver oil I don't need, I eat so much fish, often also with the head and organs like inger thought us -d. How did you manage gaining weight Jessica? Do you watch your blood glucose.
One thing I wonder and it is so important. Perhaps somebody knows the answer Can you gain weight without raising your blood sugar in a unhealthy way. Weight gain seems always associated with elevated blood sugar.
cerymoya kid,
it is sort of difficult to write down what I eat. It changes every day. Often I m very stressed while eating because I have no time, have to care for the kids or because I m with others who eat normal and it really stresses me out.
The last days when I made my diabetes diet I wrote everything down on the chronometer, I managed to eat approximately 2300 kcal per day, I ate 3 times a day, veggies, fish seaweed and some sort of fat, normally avocados or cocosnus, often I put everything in the blender, put a lot of spices inside, eat it with lettuce, some chucrute and apple cider vinegar. With it I take Magnesium Citrat, vit C, Msm, Chromium, vit B supplement, Vit D 3, sometimes GABA. Sometimes I cook green beans or spinach, that's the only cooked food I eat at the moment. Sometimes raw egg yolk but it seems to give me diaree. Sometimes I use coconut oil or olive oil, it gives a lot of calories without raising my blood sugar and that feels so good specially in the evening.
Sometimes I make raw choclate or raw treats with fat and nuts but I usally overeat and feel supersick after it.
Generally I feel that even 2000 kcal for me are to much. I takes so much energy to digest and does not seems to make me gain weight
cherymoya kid, do you eat instinctive?
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Hi Ingerlise :-*
I don't have meat here at the moment, so high meat is not possible but I do fermented veggies. Going to the sea is really so healing and I'm going to be there more often. I started taking (very short) cold showers and this also feels good. EMF's are an issue here, thats sure. Do you know some devices to protect from the radiation, things that really work? Like special head sets or so. I will trike to make myself a grounding bed sheet. I thought about buying tissue with silver lining and to connect it over the sucked with the earth
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LittleElefant,
could you possibly get some heart? Lamb, beef, deer, any heart. To ferment that and eat would be really helpful. You often can order online, I order my grassfed beefheart from Germany too, they ship here!
You must go to the sea. You must tan too. As naked as it gets, with your bare feet's planted on the ground = earthing. You should take your hubs too... it would do him so good. If he can still move outside. To be earthing bare feet and skin out in the beautiful nature takes your fear away, I promise. You just have to do it.
About EMF, I thought they are present... many of your issues are exactly what is expected i such case.. You must do something about it - now. Cut all wireless devices off and throw away. They are killing you. If you have to use a cellphone, never use the internet on it, and use the sms option as much as possible, if you have to talk keep the phone at least 2 cm from your head. Switch is off at nigh. It will radiate when on even if you are not calling. I have tested it with my meter.
Turn the breaker in your bedroom off! I have mine off all the time, I only sleep there.
If you live above the earth in a tower house and you have many neighbours.. their wifis.. G3 phones etc are going to affect you too. Move as soon as possible if you see it is not a healthy environment to live in. Your health is the most valuable thing you have, your family too. If you cannot move now - do as much earthing as you can. Build yourself a earthing spot (copper wire) that goes from your room till into the ground outside your house and keep it on all night and also daytime as much as you can if you are inside.
You can make yourself a tinfoil hat too, from thick tinfoil, or use many layers. To kill my cellphone signals I needed minimum 4 layers, I tested.
Eat a fatladen, ketogenic diet. It will protect your cells the best. To eat fruit in a high EMF environment is a BIG mistake. Do not listen to Francois about this issue, he lives on the coutryside and is healthy, he is a totally different case. For him it might be just fine. Not for you.
Do not binge. Eat as much as feels good and get your electrons from the sun, earth and seawater additionally. We live not from bread alone! We can get huge amounts of electrons from the nature too... no need to eat huge amounts. You cannot digest it anyways and it will be only a burden. STOP counting calories. Drink plenty of good wellwater! Plenty! Try at least 3 liter / day but better more.
Relax. Give it time. You are not going to get fat in one day. Instead, enjoy what beauty is surrounding you. Smell the flowers, suck in the sunshine.
Go to bed early and limit artificial light, better, use non. Look in the sun or sky when you wake up in the morning.
You will get healthy, no doubt. :)
This quote is a comment from Jacks blog, a member of he's forum is telling her story. It maybe helps you see how bad the EMF issue is.
Dr K, Ive been trying to clean up my home environment as much as possible and came across
a finding in my blind spot..my daughter has been complaining of headaches,depression, anxiety attacks and a weird feeling in her head...I went into her room to count outlets bc I was gonna order some outlet
covers from lessemf.com...I moved her bed and discovered that the cable company ran FIOS thru her room
and connected to my family room adjacent to her room...so basically her head has been sleeping inches from cable lines for 8 hours a night...I cried at first...feeling like I failed to protect her brain, ive been taking her to therapy and considering medication out of desperation just to help her feel better...all the therapy in the world wouldn't do any good if shes spends all night sleeping next to these wires.
Just wanted to post this in case other parents are dealing with brain issues with their children, please check your environment carefully bc you might miss something like I did especially if they run wires under carpet....Cable company will be out to disconnect all wiring in 2 days and hoping to see an improvement in her soon
http://www.jackkruse.com/emf-8-quantum-bone/#idc-cover (http://www.jackkruse.com/emf-8-quantum-bone/#idc-cover)
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Hi LittleElefant,
Your mood is controlled by your hormones and these are very complex, but since Ive experienced depression in the past and have overcome it Id like to share my experience in the hope it might benefit you in some way.
Digestion for me is a very very big influence on my mood.
For me Ive noticed that raw meat isnt very easy on my digestion when I compare it to raw egg yolk and this is why Im trying to find out whats the benefit of raw meat on top of the egg yolk.
So I have a high intake of raw egg yolk and I notice a couple of things. For one I notice that my libido skyrockets. Second I notice I dream alot and am well rested after sleep. Third I notice my liver cleaning itself and on this third symptom I would like to get into deeper.
For 99-100% of the people in the West we have toxic livers due to medicine/drugs/alcohol but also things like fluoride in water and toothpaste and the list goes on. All these toxins are getting stored in the liver and over time are formed into stones as they dry up. When taking raw egg yolks these stones are getting released from the liver into the colon. Now Ive noticed that they do not get out as easy as I thought and after some experimenting I noticed that I need salt and sugar to get them moving through my colon (makes you think about the IV they use in hospitals and electrolyte balance). But anyway, when I started using salt and sugar the stones no longer blocked my colon and they came out.
After this experience Im so energetic and strong and have no more depression. So this is my experience and I hope it benefits you. If you have questions let me know and u can even contact me through mail.
Much Love.
WK
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i love how everybodys suggestion is what is working for them at the moment. i do it too, just sayin........
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Hi evehard,
my doc is also homeopath, and he is into diet, but traditional, does not help l). My keton levels are very low despite my high fat diet. Perhaps I do not digest all the fat I ingest. My blood analyses I will post as soon as I have time. Do you have diabetes, evehard. Do you take your blood glucose?
There is this thing called muscular insulin resistance caused by a low carb diet and I do feel when I'm high fat my sugar response is even stronger. I don't like it. That's one reason why I still eat some carbs, (between 90 to 140 g a day)
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LittleElefant, you're still fiddling with the fragmentary and constantly changing contemporary technical dietary beliefs, as a farmer calculates how much nitrogen, potassium, phosphorus and various pesticides he needs for his fields.
I feel totally helpless. :(
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Dear Iguana,
I just wrote a long response for you and lost it -X. Now it is late. You are one of my dearest friends, I admire how you manage your live. With instincto you are very healthy and your life is uncomplicated. When I was at your place practicing with you was fun. You have a lot of experience and everyting is easy. Your friends are instinctos or people who know what you do.
I live here in a total different environment. My body is not very healthy , the people around me are normal eaters, my husband has cancer and he totally dislikes all this raw fish, meat, shellfish thing, he is almost vegan. My daughter eats like the other kids. I have very littel time here for myself, always somebody behind me. Often it is more easy to me to mix some things together or make a salad, like that I m sort of sociable. Sometimes it is also soothing and warming to make a pate or smoothie, spice it up and warm it. Sometimes I don't what to chew any more.
When I follow my instincts I tend to overeat specially meat, fish, fruit and nuts. Fruit is very bad for me. I love eating all this but it is not good for my body, I feel it later when it is to late and then my body has to cope with it. That's why I prefer to decide what I eat with my intelect.
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I too remember visiting Montrame five times over five years, 'following' Nicole around, listening to everything she would say, having such a hard time to get out of my head and trust my instinct(o). Over and over I just was too drawn to the sweet tastes of fruits, especially the ones they imported, like Durian, mangos, dates, honeys etcc... Having spent the last 7-8 years on low low carb and having never done better in my life on that way of eating (allowing my body to learn to use fat as a fuel instead of sugar), I too tend to believe that at least for some, even though a mango may have delighted my instinctual senses, the sugar in it isn't a friend to my body. And I will offer this again, that all the times spent at the castle I didn't see really anyone (except the one very sick woman) eat extra animal fat,, and hence sufficient calories came from Large amounts of animal proteins and fruits, and of course the minimal amounts from the few vegetables eaten along with meals.
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Little elefant, can you please post you daily diet, including the AMOUNTS of each food that you eat? I suspect you may not be eating enough calories.
I second this. If you have a scale, could you start weighing the food and keeping track of what food it is and let us know?
Also, I'd temporarily eliminate nuts. Nuts can cause problems for some people. To make up for the fat you'd be losing, add avocado, fatty fish, raw beef fat, etc.
I think exercise isn't a bad idea. Specifically body weight exercises. Squats without weights, push ups, sit ups, dips, etc.
But really, post here what you're eating daily. How much it weighs. Give us as much detail as possible.
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my turn, Ele I want you to read every word. This took me a long time to write. Read it 2x. Its solid gold to you now.
I know exactly how you feel. I was under 100lbs , and I'm 5'8'', before I broke down and took insulin. I went 3 years before I broke, I'm no sissy, more like a bit too stubborn.
Don't you dare commit suicide; you're going to heal, and if you let me I'm going to help you. ?Tomorrow, Thursday, let me know when you can skype or gmail chat and we'll have a heart to heart. I have very little good news for you, but I'm going to give you the realistic basics, in case you don't read further.
You could heal, without taking insulin, but it requires 10x the effort, and as demanding as your life sounds, you just don't have it. I think you could come off in a month or 2, but you'll be sick for a lot longer if you try to do it all natural, because, you will almost defiantly cheat, because your body is starving and it can't feed itself much until your sugar comes down. Raw ZC, rest, dark, cold, and tons of water with electrolytes, like mixed with seaweed, will help, but it will take so long that I think you will binge, and /or cheat with sugar. I've been a diabetic under stress for 17years, I know this. Take a little insulin, you could go to a clinic, learn to take shots, by regular insulin (it's cheaper) and take a little while you eat ZC, has to be ZC!!!! and high fat, and you CAN'T CHEAT AT ALL, or you'll feel like shit and have to start all over. I'm not sure how long it will take, at least 1 month, maybe 3, but not much more, if you can be very strong, and focus on your self. Then, you'll be much stronger and be able to give from your abundance.
Do not exercise!!! Barefoot your dead wrong. Ele, it feels good because you're so sick it's killing you and your cortisol (stress hormone) shoots up from the stress. It feels good when that happens for about an hour, maybe 2. The steroid, feels like energy, your joints move without pain, but it lasts only a few short hours and then your dead on your feet and eating do to the sugar spike from the, fake energy high you just enjoyed. After your blood sugar is good around 100 you can exercise. Months from now, you can exercise exactly as barefoot says, for now his good advise stops after barefoot (sorry barefoot, I like you lots, but you don't get it). Rest as much as you can. Rest your body and your mind, give your worries to the universe, when they come, train your mind to find peace. Say what real choice do I have? And let it go. Play meditation tapes, even if it means EMF's but that does stink, sorry I hate the EMF's too. I'm struggle with that, they are so prevalent in my life, I feel them so strong, but don't go to crazy with that yet. Your bath tub is a grounding experience if the house has a grounding rod ( try cool, but comfortable water, for a long soak, then cold at the end). I', going to try Inger's copper grounding rod to bed too, but don't worry about every cell phone in the area, if it is easy to control do it, if not let it go for a month or 2 and then get back to it. You are young. You will heal quickly, and then you will be able to think and act efficiently, now you're a mess.
The next thing I'm going to say is going to sound crazy, but it's true. You're not skinny, in fact your fat. Your body won't burn fat as long as your blood sugar is high. It can't burn carbs without insulin and your not making enough now, so your body is digesting it's muscles for their protein, to make energy through gluconeogenisis. You can't absorb carbs, and your breaking down your muscles and even organ tissue, so all that will be left of you is fat. Don't bother learning about it, please just trust me. I really know this. Your just dehydrated, severely dehydrated. I gained 50lbs the day I took insulin. THAT DAY!!! I see it every time a new diabetic comes to the hospital. They take insulin and every drop of water is sucked up by their body. You'll be shockingly swollen, it's uncomfortable for about 3 weeks, but if you eat zc, drink tons of water especially with seaweed, and eat all of the clams, oysters, and anything else with sea water. Your cells will heal and they only then, will release the excess water. I don't know if it would work to just collect sea water and dilute it with as good a quality water as you can get. I add good quality dirt to my home made distilled water. It's not as good as spring water, but its the best I can manage for now. Dehydration is a serious problem and all of the fluid you put back into your cells should be the best you can get. The weight will come off and it is mostly water, but your cells need to swell as part of the healing, keep drinking water only, take a little insulin (you have to use your blood sugar meter if you do take insulin, or you won't know when you don't need it and you'll have lows and have to eat sugar, or die immediately), and rest. Resting will help you to loose weight, so will dark, and cold, and barefoot on the earth, or in the sea, and sun is good too, all to help balance hormones. Insulin is a hormone and the faster you balance the faster you will loose the water weight. When the water comes off you are really healing, keep taking insulin, if you need it to keep your BS at under 130. Over 130 and the cravings will attack. You need to keep it over 75. I like to stay over 80, or you could start with cravings from a little low. 100 is the sweetest spot, it feels like peace, it is better than raw chocolate. Through that shit out.
OK next is the long list of what not to eat. Eat as much raw or minimally cooked as possible.
No beans, not even green, the only vegetables you can eat for about 3 good months are: anything from the sea and as much of that as you want. Not more than 1 small bowl of greens of any type raw, and only 1/2 if cooked ( you loose all of the water that you need, if you must cook them, because they are tough, cook them in a lot of water (like 2quarts or more, and add oil (olive/coconut/lard) and drink all of the water first then eat the greens). You can also have any herbs you like to season, or in tea. Sometimes stress gets to me and I think I'll loose it if I don't crunch on something. Eat radishes, broccoli, and /or cauliflower, but not for health, just to ease the need to crunch. Your fermented veggies, are ok too, but no beets, or carrots, just pickles, greens, and sauerkraut and only a fork-full/meal. No eggs, no butter, or dairy, not even fermented, no grain, no sugar, no carbs, no nuts, no avocados, no caffeine, if you're a big caffeine addict, go to green tea and wean off as fast as you can. After your off insulin and your blood sugar is perfect you can eat the good healthy foods in moderation, and if you must cheat a little do it then, not now. PROMISE YOURSELF, you'll get through each day, one moment at a time, get a calendar and mark it. The first 3 weeks will be the worst, then it will slowly get better. If you insist on no insulin, and I totally understand (remember I fought insulin for 3 years, and hated myself every time I cheated, but the insulin, will take away the horrible cravings and nothing else will except not cheating and time, you need insulin, to heal and you're not making enough of your own right now, so just consider taking the pharmaceutical garbage, briefly, you need to make it as easy as you can, because there are so many other factors pulling at your strength), you won't get better in 3 weeks and the cravings will just about make you crazy, but you will still heal (if you don't cheat or over eat protein or vegetables), it will just take much longer.
I'd like you to try hard to get high meat soon, It has been very helpful to me, and you most certainly have an overgrowth of yeast with any blood sugar problem, high meat is more powerful than fermented veg. Just 2-3 chunks/day, best spread out with meals.
Do eat, the fish guts and heads, and all of the fish, and shellfish you can, but you need fat. NO BUTTER, NO EGGS, not now, in about 3 months, or whenever your off insulin and have perfect blood sugars you can eat eggs, butter, and milk, and exercise, but now those things are BAD, and will hurt you and drastically slow progress. You must weigh your protein, not more than 6oz/meal, and only 3 meals/day. No snacks. No eating before bed. You can eat beef, pork, lamb, whatever meat is good quality and raw, if you must cook it, minimal. and with lots of fat, animal fat, especially bone marrow. Lard or tallow like for pemmican is ok, if you can't find raw. It will feed you and it won't raise your blood sugar, it will heal your hormones too. Fat is good, you must eat all that you can. NO BUTTER OR EGGS, not now. Coconut and olive oil are OK, but won't due for more than a meal or 2, you need animal fat, and you can supplement with oil. Buy it online, freeze it, cook it, if you have to, but eat it every meal until you can't eat more, then have your small meat portion, sea vegetables, and greens. You will be full if you drink enough water, eat enough fat, have a small portion of meat, and get enough rest. If you are hungry between eat your next meal early, if your starving eat 4 whole meals. Just stop early in the evening and go to bed early.
I like Ronsdale, and Bernstien, but my way is faster, better. Eat that stuff, later be strict now, and heal faster. They will be good for maintenance.
Also, insulin is tricky, with zc. I want to help you. Maybe you could go without it, if you went 1 week with out cheating, and you checked your bs at least once in the morning, before eating, and you were under say 150, that would be a good sign, I would feel OK about no medical insulin, because that would mean your body was able to recover quickly, but you'd really have to check to know. My heart is with you. Please follow my advise. I'm absolutely sure, because I've lived it myself. NOBODY else here can tell you that. They just don't really know.
Lastly, you need to take a little time for you. Not long away from it all, or you'll not do it, 15 mins minimum. You are spread to thin. Be out side, alone at least 15 mins, just be with yourself. No planning, eating, talking. Just you in the prettiest, most comfortable outdoor place you can, or sit in a room alone by the open window at least 1x/day. You can walk or sit, as you prefer, but give this small gift to you.
Ok my sweet suffering ele. I hope you have a little peace within your hell this day. Call me, I'll look for you, Thursday, it is my only day off. I'm sending you my cell, I want to have a nice chat, but I must sleep now too.
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I forgot, if you do take insulin, you'll need dextrose tablets, they are crap, most even have dye and preservatives, but you only need 3-4 tablets to save you from coma and death, so you have to have them on hand if you take insulin, you can find pure dextrose tabs online, you wont need more than 2-3 packages. You might drop your blood sugar quickly as you heal and you need a source of dextrose, no fructose, the tabs are good because they're portable and you can take only the minimal, also if you try to eat for sugar you'll over eat, it take 15-30mins for your sugar to come back up, you can eat an amazing amount of junk in that time, and the whole time, your body is screaming for it to save its life. The tablets are effective, measured, and no fructose, dextrose only which won't give rebound cravings like fructose.
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Hi Ele, u can ferment the fish too. Joining here is a blessing for me. Keep posting ur progress. Thanks.
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Adora, that was truly kind of you, most generous to help in such detail. I thank you
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Little Elefant, all I can say is Yes to what Adora said. Print her advice and read it often. Even true about fat, not skinny.
I had a tough time getting over the carb cravings on my way to very-low carb. I kept thinking that low carb must be bad for me because I couldn't get over the transition to fat burning. I finally made it by "munching" on fat whenever I had a carb craving. Now, I just keep it in my mind how badly carbs affect me, so I never go down the path of temptation. Some instinctos might say that restricting carbs is not instincto, but I say it is - if you know that you can't metabolize carbs properly, then you don't need to smell or taste them any more than you need to test rat poison.
My best wishes to you.
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Adora is an Angel. A beautiful angel with a beautiful heart.
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LittleElefant, I know you’re in a very difficult situation and I’m very sad about it.
Still, the choice is up to you. You leave your family free to eat whatever they want, so reciprocally you are free to eat the way you want. How could taking supplements, mixing, spicing and processing food make you more sociable and save time?
To be socially accepted, it generally suffice to tell people that we are doing a temporary experiment.
Aren’t you trying to rationalize a subconscious attraction for processed and cooked food? We all have this problem, which is rooted in the food our mother cooked for us when we were young and which we connected to her love. So, when we miss love and affection, which is most often the case, we are longing for food like the one our mother cooked or processed for us.
Love
F
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Hi Jessy
cerymoya kid,
it is sort of difficult to write down what I eat. It changes every day. Often I m very stressed while eating because I have no time, have to care for the kids or because I m with others who eat normal and it really stresses me out.
The last days when I made my diabetes diet I wrote everything down on the chronometer, I managed to eat approximately 2300 kcal per day, I ate 3 times a day, veggies, fish seaweed and some sort of fat, normally avocados or cocosnus, often I put everything in the blender, put a lot of spices inside, eat it with lettuce, some chucrute and apple cider vinegar. With it I take Magnesium Citrat, vit C, Msm, Chromium, vit B supplement, Vit D 3, sometimes GABA. Sometimes I cook green beans or spinach, that's the only cooked food I eat at the moment. Sometimes raw egg yolk but it seems to give me diaree. Sometimes I use coconut oil or olive oil, it gives a lot of calories without raising my blood sugar and that feels so good specially in the evening.
Sometimes I make raw choclate or raw treats with fat and nuts but I usally overeat and feel supersick after it.
Generally I feel that even 2000 kcal for me are to much. I takes so much energy to digest and does not seems to make me gain weight
cherymoya kid, do you eat instinctive?
I eat mono-style, kind of a modified version of instinctive. I eat only meat/fish/fat at lunch, and only fruit at dinner. I eat just two meals a day. I eat more fat than most instinctos do, mainly avocadoes and fatty fish.
I do think you should try to eat more mono-style. Even if you blend your food beforehand, you should try to eat it mostly mono-style. that doesn't mean you can't mix things up, but blending 5 or 6 things into one smoothie is not a good idea to do do every day.
I agree with Adora that you should stop cheating, and maybe even consider taking insulin for a while.
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AFAIK, diabetes usually gets completely over with instincto, nothing to worry about anymore, no insulin to take. I personally met a case and there have been others.
Here is a witness (sorry, in French) : http://www.oocities.org/hotsprings/7627/Tdiabeteinsulino.html (http://www.oocities.org/hotsprings/7627/Tdiabeteinsulino.html)
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it might be true some can heal on instincto iguana, but sometimes people are so depleted they have no grasp of their own insticts, i am not sure if you have ever been so down and unhealthy as to consider suicide, but at that point death IS instinctual, its a very horrible place to be but like in nature, when an animal is nearing death, sometimes the brain will try and do things to promote this, like when animals are sick they stop eating completely, as that is much easier the to try and heal. i have been their many times in my life, luckily i KNEW the origin of my suffering was not truly mental, it was not because i hated life, it was because i was unable to make myself feel well enough to start spiraling out of my depressed mental and depleted physical state. and sometimes that knowing is not enough, when people get sick physically and it effects them mentally it is one of the hardest places to try to self heal from! this is when one needs a community at their bedside.
in this case its not a sign of weakness to not be able to heal ones self. its a sign of strength to ask for help and accept it
i do agree with what adora says and am glad she has experience with insulin to give advice. i dont think it should be look down upon for lilEle to use all of the beneficial tools at her disposal if that means to cut the time of her suffering and to help her get back into balance so she can proceed from a better level.
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How do you ferment your fish? I haven't had good luck with making high fish, but I'd really like to try it.
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it might be true some can heal on instincto iguana, but sometimes people are so depleted they have no grasp of their own insticts, i am not sure if you have ever been so down and unhealthy as to consider suicide, but at that point death IS instinctual,
Yes, I actually not only considered suicide but I committed suicide and almost died. I was 18 years old, was loving a girl who didn’t love me, unwilling to be more than a friend. I woke up a few seconds in a hospital with several medics in white clothes surrounding my bed and I quickly fell into coma again.
There I saw the bright light which is described in classical NDEs (as first reported in E. Kübler-Ross’s and R. Moody’s books). In this light, I felt there were very kind and knowledgeable souls (sort of divine beings or angels) who somehow told me to go back to my life and not do that again. Therefore, when I woke up next, I promised to my parents and to myself that I’ll never do it again. It’s too selfish, we are morally not allowed to do that (there must be exceptions in some special cases, I think).
5 years ago, I was in a similar situation with a married friend. She loved me too but the situation has been impossible in the current silly social pattern. I’ve been so sad that I wished I would die. But suicide was out of question, even if I was often thinking about it anyway.
Of course there’s a vicious circle when we are depressed: we eat badly which makes us feel unwell, which in turn makes us even more depressed. It’s very difficult or impossible to get out of this vicious circle without external help, love being the most efficient help – if not the only effective one.
Thanatos, the death drive, is in opposition with Eros, the impulse of love.
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How do you ferment your fish? I haven't had good luck with making high fish, but I'd really like to try it.
I put mine in a glass container in the fridge, with a fairly tight-fitting lid. The container is much larger than the fish, so there's plenty of oxygen in there. I air it out at least once a day.
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I eat mono-style, kind of a modified version of instinctive. I eat only meat/fish/fat at lunch, and only fruit at dinner. I eat just two meals a day. I eat more fat than most instinctos do, mainly avocadoes and fatty fish.
Isn't the addition of dairy your most relevant modification? How many "instinctos" do you know? Are there many in USA?
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Isn't the addition of dairy your most relevant modification? How many "instinctos" do you know? Are there many in USA?
There was an offshoot of Instincto, called" Instinctive Nutrition" which grew in the USA in the 1970s or so, onwards. I believe this is the definitive book for the movement:-
http://worldofdiets.info/instinctive-nutrition/ (http://worldofdiets.info/instinctive-nutrition/)
There is also some american book by a guy called "Zephyr" I think?
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Ah, I know the book of Severen Schaeffer, I did read at least some parts of it or perhaps even the whole long time ago. There's no difference with the instincto as defined by GCB except that S. Schaeffer perhaps simplified by omitting some parts. For example, he defined the instinctive stop by "taste change" only whereas it often happens in other ways.
From your link:
The author of the book also states that dairy products and cereal grains aren’t natural foods, as they entered the human diet just recently and haven’t let the human body to adapt to them.
Zephir was the guy in Hawaii who got trichinosis after having eaten the liver of a mongoose he probably caught while it escaped form a garbage can, as I previously wrote somewhere else on this forum. Yes, he wrote a book :
Instinctive Eating: The Lost Knowledge of Optimum Nutrition (http://www.beyondveg.com/nieft-k/rvw/rvw-lost-knowledge.shtml)
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Iguana - that was a good share. It helped me to realize I know nearly nothing, which I find liberating, once I am able to hold the terror and let it heal from my love and acceptance into excitement. Not that I presume that I knew you, but still a surprise ;).
Cheri - you make high fish the same as any other meat? Mine tastes different. I'll try again. Once I've decided I'm not afraid of it, it changes, but that takes some experimenting.
ele- How are you doing? I slept out side on the ground atop a soft lamb skin, for some intense earthing. I'm going to go back out soon. It is warm today, last night 38deg Celsius, but I was warm in my flannel and wool. I have been so sure that doing this would have a profound effect, I've almost given it a magical expectation to heal me. Through the night I was anxious because I didn't feel much different. I've had the same thoughts about raw food, cold, dark, rest, etc. This morning I was almost depressed that my experience was not more profound. I know better, but weakness and desperation = irrational, desperate, hopes. The earth and fresh air did feel nice, the trees in the yard were lovely in the morning mist, the water fowl's calls provided distant music, the damp ground smelled of moss and spring, it was beautiful. I knew it, but I was blocked by this fear, "what if I don't posses what it takes to heal, what if it is beyond me, if I've missed the boat, I'm too far gone, too late, too weak...." The words waxed to silent screams, then waned to numbness. They come from my devils, the cool elusive and the angry berating, I know they are in me, a part of me, maybe not me, but mine. I love them, I want them, they have commanded and controlled me. Recently, I realized they need me, they even want my love, or respond favorably to it. That was just enough to get past the block. I lay there feeling my life force energy move quietly in my chest while my devils tapes played in my head. I waited for something to evolve. Nothing did, but I'm proud that I stayed with it.
When I was first sick with diabetes, before I took insulin and I was wasting away without enough of my own insulin, I read a book called, The Dark Heart of Healing. It is a woman's account of how separate she felt as a sick woman in the world around her. The gem of that book was to love yourself. The human race as a whole is very poor at it. Some know how to entertain themselves, distract themselves, pleasure themselves (oh,la,la), but to feel love for ourselves, especially when we are weak, afraid, ugly, sick, is a rare treasure. I have been reaching to be that for years, and it is slow.
It takes 8-10 years to become a skilled nurse in 1 aspect of nursing. How long then, will it take to become, unconsciously competent at loving myself with all of the facets of life's experiences? At least a nurse has veteran nurses to go to for advise.
Depression is when I am blocking something I am afraid to feel. All distractions are temporary, feeling remains, feeling has been elusive, because mind is in the distraction habit. Also, powerful, feelings are often surrounded by shock. I mean, "what if I really don't have what it takes, what if I'll never be good enough?" All of these ideas came from the Healing to wholeness website, and I've done the work, but I want to give credit to them for the path.
I have a success story. I had asthma since I was a teen, triggered with cold and exercise. It seems to be gone. I felt for a long time that there was a phycological component, that triggered or held the physical form of bronchiole constriction and thick mucus secretion that occurs with an "attack." I rarely used an inhaler, but I would wheeze for hours and work to breathe, often going to sleep would reset me.
I was meditating while walking in the cold and I decided to feel the constriction. To love it. The plan grew and I was holding and loving it. My love grew for it, for the wheezing part. I slowed my pace so that I could breathe, but would speed up again when I felt it pass, because I wanted to hold it, to stay with it as long as it was their. The energy that was so tight, began to move, to unfold and swirl. It was enjoying my attention, and I was enjoying it. Tears of joy streamed down my face in the cold wind. I really loved this energy, it was a beautiful part of me, that needed me. I had held it outside of my love and judged it as an enemy for so long. I realized how beautiful it was, and I promised I would always love it, then I felt into it and embodied it, I felt how good it felt to be loved and desired exactly as I was, perfect as is. Then I embodied myself as my own spirit healer, and looked down at myself and the part of me that had been so inaptly named asthma attack I had to laugh, and I held all of me, and drew it together, one whole complete being. This practice is on the website and I have tried to heal my vision and other things. I have had success always, but only once, so far has it led to a physical manifestation of healing.
I that was over a year ago, once I felt a little reminder and I was able to pay close attention, because of the relationship I have with that energy. I realized that the fear was that it would stay, that it would be permanent. To be ugly, sick, weak, is not that scary if it is temporary, the fear is of being stuck. Pregnancy, makes us fat (in a way), a flu makes us weak, for a time, not really scary. Energy is meant to move. To change and I am meant to be healthy. To self correct. Energy blocks may hold sickness with the energy, or sickness may develop form blocked/trapped/suppressed/hated energy. Is diabetes so different from asthma? One difference is I don't feel it in one place. It is through out my system. Another is that asthma did abate for a time without medication, and diabetes has only once, and that was many years ago. Could the root of it still be an energetic need to be felt and loved? Could holding it outside of love, even hating it be constraining the energies own desire to self correct? Ad much as I want to feel into it, I still tell myself I can't, I don't know how. Logically, it should be much the same as before, but I haven't dove in. So, I watch, and feel, and pray and trust that it will come.
I haven't read the article you sent me yet. I think I'm a little afraid, I like not eating carbs, especially recently, since I'm not craving them constantly.
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Hi little Elefant!
I think you have gotten some great advice, also as far as the insulin goes from Adora!
You know I also have a weight gain problem. But I managed to go from 45 to almost 50kg (I'm 165cm tall) (100-110 lbs at 5'5") recently, while not even eating a very high amount of calories.
Summer last year I was trying to eat high carb AND high fat. I consumed about 81% fat, up to 3700 calories. There were carbs in there, even though it seems unlikely given the high fat content, about 90-140 g at the time. I did NOT gain an ounce, I even lost some weight and my face looked weirdly gaunt...like I lost fat in my face.
I gave up counting calories and eating lots of carbs and fat because it was frustrating. I ate a very low amount of calories, drifted into ketosis (30-60 g of carbs a day, shared with a baby due to breastfeeding).
I lost a bit more weight, I was fatigued, started losing my hair, had horrible PMS, bad acne, I had heart palpitations, chest pain, my thyroid was acting up again (TSH - 5), I had inflammatory pains in my body, my liver enzymes were so high my doctor suggested hospitalization...did I forget anything? Well, I felt like falling apart a bit too.
I am the type of person that when things don't work out naturally, and my body does not sort itself out after about 3 months, I take things into my own hands. Which means I go pestering a bunch of doctors and I do a TON of research. I turn into a research machine ;). It honestly is a bit stressful, and I have been told that by Iguana too. But I just feel that it would be even more stressful to watch myself falling apart. Not to mention I was having problems that were getting unbearable and painful.
So my research made me try a few things. I don't know if it is for you, and I don't mean to make actual recommendations, but I just want to share this and you can extract from it whatever you like and what makes the most sense to you.
1. Detox and regulating hormones. I chose (herbal) supplements for fast results and ease of use. And fast results I did get. All problems bettered within two weeks. My hair loss lessened a bit, my acne went from bad to mild acne, my skin turned very rosy, felt warm and I could feel blood rushing through it for the first two weeks. It got very soft...like it has not been this soft since I was 14, dry spots disappeared. My next period was MUCH better, almost normal. My liver and thyroid tests turned out a bit better. I put on a little weight (went to 47.5 kg) and my face started looking more "plump" again. It even feels like it..very odd actually (I first noticed my face getting more flabby after pregnancy, or my skin not being a plump in general, which I rad is due to pregnancy hormones, since your body wants you soft and stretchy for birth ;) and should subside..which it did not really do for me) To me it seemed that my body finally started depositing fat in some places, which I know you have a problem with too.
2. I then read that ketosis can cause problems in some people that have a history of certain illnesses/ problems. With my thyroid problem and being underweight while eating lots, I totally fit the description. I also had every single symptom.
I upped my (good) carbs slowly, and now eat between 140-170 g of carbs. That is when I saw more bettering too. Pretty much all my problems improved. My liver enzymes were almost normal, my thyroid went back to the *3.2 TSH I had been able to maintain on Paleo, my hair loss lessened again, it went back to almost normal...etc.
And most importantly, since I added some more carbs, made sure I eat enough calories without forcing myself (so having a general idea of what I need to eat, but making it tasty and readily available so I easily reach my goal), a variety of things I gained even more weight.
I think my problem was a combination of many things. I had changed my diet, but was still full of toxins from my prior lifestyle, and adding more toxins because my body was trying to detox fast after going Paleo, but not doing a good job (my guess).
To top it off I was unable to absorb and digest my food and calories. I assume I could have lacked calories and nutrients due to poor absorption.
I am have been prone to hormone related problems and autoimmune diseases. I think the diet that drastically differed from what my body knew, might have thrown it off even more. Hormones CAN be affected by diet. Hormones also can lead to a million other problems in your body. I read something that suggested that almost everyone has a (at least minor) hormone related problem. Our hormones really are connected to everything.
The way you describe your problems, it sounds like you have major problems absorbing, digesting etc. That is something that can't be caused by something like not working out enough, or not eating enough of [insert rpd foot]. I personally think you have a bigger problem, than just not eating a perfect diet or not maintaining a perfect lifestyle and exercise routine. So I would look further.
Work with doctors. They are not perfect (at all), but they have the tools to investigate further. You could get your intestines checked for example, to see if you have damage from a previous undetected Gluten issue (Celiac can also cause one to be malnourished).
I would assume that after getting a bunch of check ups, you will have more clarity, and in case something is found, at least you will know your "enemy" and can target the problem more specifically.
Nachwort: Das tut mir uebrigens sehr leid mit deinem Mann. Ich denke du machst gerade eine sehr schwere Zeit durch und es ist verstaendlich, dass der Stress da bestimmt auch ein Grund fuer deine Probleme ist.
Falls du Freunde und Familie hast dort, wuerde ich versuchen viel Zeit mit ihnen zu verbringen, viel zu unternehmen, leichte Aktivitaeten, vielleicht etwas hobbymaessiges, um einfach den Stress auch erstmal etwas wegzunehmen.
Fuer dein Problem gibt es sicher einen Grund und eine Loesung. Mann muss die Sache vielleicht nur einfach mal anders anpacken. Nicht nur auf eine Sache vertrauen, sondern alles versuchen. So wuerde ich es jedenfalls machen.
Es ist ganz wichtig fuer deinen Mann und deine Tochter, dass du wieder bei Kraeften bist. Selbstmordgedanken, wie alle depressiven Gedanken, sind erschreckend und quaelend, aber ich bin mir sicher diese sind nur eine "Begleiterscheinung" der Misere in der du gerade steckst, und werden auch ganz schnell verschwinden wenn die Dinge sich etwas bessern.
Ich selbst habe keine Selbstmordgedanken, aber seit meiner Schwangerschaft spielen meine Gedanken auch manchmal verrueckt. Das aussert sich am ehesten dadurch, dass ich staendig Angst habe meinem Sohn koennte etwas passieren und in meinem Kopf spielt sich dann etwas zuviel Kopfkino ab (was ich frueher nie hatte) und das macht es noch viel schlimmer. Ich bin sicher, dass es bei mir hormonell bedingt ist, denn es fing genau 2 wo. nach der Geburt an. Es ist jetzt viel besser und eventuelle Gedanken verwerfe ich gleich wieder. Jeder hat Sorgen und auch schreckliche Gedanken, nur geben wir ihnen normal nicht so viel Bedeutung.
Ich habe mir immer wieder gesagt, dass es totaler Quatsch ist was ich mir zusammen denke und es auf die Hormone geschoben. So hat es wenigstens etwas an Schrecken verloren. Ich hoffe du kannst die Selbstmordgedanken beiseite schieben und dich auf alles Gute und Schoene konzentrieren. Ich bin zur Erkenntnis gekommen, dass man als Mutter weniger fuer sich selbst lebt, als fuer sein Kind.
Bevor ich Mutter wurde und einen liebenden Ehemann hatte, liess mich meine Krankheitsgeschichte ziemlich kalt. Natuerlich wollte ich leben, aber mit dem Tod haette ich mich einfacher abgefunden. Als mein Sohn auf die Welt kam (und ich noch Probleme mit dem Krebs etc. hatte), fand ich den Gedanken daran, dass seine Mutter vielleicht sterben koennte, bevor er gross war, einfach schrecklich. Umso mehr habe ich deswegen beschlossen "das kann einfach nicht passieren, und damit basta"...
Was ich damit sagen will - trotze deinen Problemen, lach sie aus, spiele sie herunter, sei ueberlegen. Irgendwann glaubt man wirklich dran.
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Sorry for the German everyone, but you all know, me has bad English and some things I can't express the same way in another language l)