Part of what got me here, I know exactly, is the lack of focus and procrastination.
What works for me also works for others but not everybody, so I'll propose a solution that may or may not work for you:
Early on, someone pointed out that not all of our goals are actually goals at all. Instead, they are actions toward a goal. The problem, then, is defining the actual goal(s) that we may have. In that case, my true goal is
not about eating a certain way or focusing differently or getting exercise - those are just actions toward a goal. The real goal is to overcome a negative pattern that was learned earlier - a pattern like not treating myself with love, or betraying myself, or being untrustworthy to myself.
Our negative patterns are not hard to detect because they always manifest themselves in the ways that other people irritate us. You might look at Byron Katie's
The Work (
www.thework.com for a lovely method that you can use when you write in your journal. If I'm feeling like eating wrong foods, I use Katie's method every morning in my journal until the bad feelings are resolved. Other methods work, too, so you can find a good one for you.
I believe that you can improve your outlook with some form of daily meditation. I realize that I'm in my 60s and have had a lot of practice, so I don't want to imply that the process ahead of you is easy or painless... but constant improvement is possible. The world has an infinite number of solutions for every problem, and just as you found RPD, you will also find many solutions for your emotional turmoil.
This Tale of Two Wolves might help you choose a course:
An old Cherokee chief was teaching his grandson about life...
"A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
"One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, self-doubt, and ego.
"The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.
"This same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old chief simply replied, "The one you feed."