Wow, I forgot I started a journal here. Not much and to be honest I sound cynical, shocking.. But alot has happened in a little over a year.. Currently I've been way off track and somewhat totally on track- eh? Well its been one month, tomorrow, that I have quit my bulimia, I haven't binged nor purged, and although I'm about 15 lbs heavier than my last post I'm pretty elated.. However, I feel its time to get my weight and Health back on track. I'm currently living with my boyfriend the most amazing and patient person ever, he's is definitely a huge part of my recovery. And at the same time I have been a bitch and have yelled at him for my current weight gain, because like most red blooded American men he eats shit and I follow suit. Is that really an excuse, uh probably not.. but it sure feels good to blame someone 
Anyways he's still lucky to have me! lol.. Now to heal myself of possible damage done to my body through years of bulimia is really why I'm really considering giving raw paleo a good go! I will admit I'm freaked out that too strict a diet may bring about my bulimia, but to be honest I personally feel I may be ready. Without getting too personal on everyone, my grandmother- my legal guardian who was like a mother to me (because the real one is not one), passed this May. A lot of responsibility has been placed on me but in a way a huge relief has recovered me and has given me the ability to change. And I think she was afraid of burdening me, she had told me many times in the past but I don't feel like I'd ever want to say she was! I said a lot of hurtful things as a child but definitely did not mean them, she and I as well as my real mother went through a lot together, it was dysfunctional but I have no resentment or ill feelings towards her. She passed at 89 years of age but gave me everything and made me what I am today- not totally successful, yet, but unrelenting and independent...

So currently living in San Diego, and I actually hate it more than LA but guess that's because I live right next to a Marine Base, yea.. my boyfriend is a Marine.. but he's actually cool because, for one he is trying to get into the health thing with me (although I despise his 8 pack he developed from a diet of milk duds, subway and other junk- however I bought him the Paleo Diet when we first started dating and he quit alot of sugar), he is into conspiracy theories and other non-mainstream ideas, he likes indie films, the history channel, the Wu tang clan, and he's intellectual which is beyond hot  oh yeah and he's Jamaican 
But anyways screw him this is about me lol, I know he'll never change his diet the way I'd like but that's fine, I already made it clear Im not trying to reproduce in this lifetime so I'm not worried about the possibility of screwing my children's DNA, or what not..
So first step is eliminating like a lot of foods I've been indulging in that I wouldn't much in the past less I was bingeing! So things like rice, I had some pea soup and other canned soups lately, packaged foods from Trader Joes, chocolate!! like way too much of that, some milk duds or popcorn at movies because of him!! Other candy and just been eating to much etc.. One good thing is I've given up coffee finally and splenda except for a diet coke last night.. but have really been doing good in that sense.. We do eat a lot of meat, I try and cook as much as I can stand, and we go to TJ's, but its tough cuz the options for health food in this city compared to L.A are like night and day. This is Kmart, Walmart and McDonalds land.. but still found some other good stores to shop at..
Ok well its early morning now, I'm still an insomniac like crazy so I'm going to sleep finally, hopefully I'll post soon! and stick to my ambitions this time!

Ok yeah I remember you, you asked me about my diet a few times, yes I remember the Kyra comment  because I do practice BJJ... yeah too many crazies with their vegan dogma, lame, glad your here too, glad we have a place now!

Ok this is my journal, I didn't see any rules under the journal section, which is good cuz I generally don't like them and I tend to break them, nothing personal..
People know me as outspoken, different, my room mate calls me a crab, hermit crab haha, honestly people annoy me, I can't connect anymore unless I fake it, well at least in LA maybe its different elsewhere, but I'm starting to doubt it.. its hard I grew up here but I see so much wrong with it. I'm not perfect, Im not a wanna be or a "yogi", we get a lot of "cool" kids here in LA, especially living in Santa Monica, they're "cool" because they're vegans, or their raw (when the movement first hit), they have skinny bikes, wear skinny pants, and now they care about the environment, because you know its cool now, and you can get cool, recycled Earth bags at Whole Foods to tote your tofu in. And celebrities endorse recycling but continue to rock homes and cars that cost millions to fuel, and go on strike because they want 50 million rather than 25 or whatever... Sorry to rant but its part of my journal. Were here because we care about our health, we choose to eat raw, to get back to basics, but soon this won't be possible if people continue to screw the universe, consume and destroy, and it sucks... Anyways rather than progress why don't scientist recommend the opposite was it so bad, life use to be simple and now were killing ourselves and others over money, its doesn't make sense...

Ok so yesterday, I was thinking of how to approach my raw diet, I read about the wai, tried it but I'm just not a fruit fanatic, I like it but I get bloated times 10 and I want something of fatty substance... So yesterday was mostly raw, except in the late evening I had chicken pattys with a bit of bacon and mayo (bad) low carb, but cooked and definitely crap... today is better, trying to finish off fruit in the house- I don't like to waste food... So noon I had a whole cantaloupe, which was ok but it was under ripe, which is probably better... a smoothie before I was going out- 2 frozen bananas, a bit raw cacao (yeah I have a ton of this crap leftover from a long time ago..) some coconut oil, ice... early dinner was raw ahi tuna, with 1/2 avocado, mango cut up, it was quite good...anyways I'm hungry again, surprise, surprise. So I thinking of going for a jog just because, later I'l debating whether to cook some eggs and call it a day, one cooked meal at the end of an evening isn't killer really, tomorrow will be first day all raw, and limiting fruit to 2 pieces a day... Hey I also noticed in the journals sticky my friend Raven is up, her blog, she's freaking awesome chick! is she on here - Raven Morgan, Sky, where be you!!

Hey, WoW a raw paleo board.. Wells Im Amanda, and Im not new really to raw, or low carb. I have a some what long history in my quest for health as Im sure most of you do, and I've also seen quite a few names here, on other boards. I really got into watching what I eat in my senior year of high school, but than it was all about weight loss as I went from a very heavy 9th grader to a svelte senior. However I did it eating very very low fat, and working out 2 hours sometimes more a day... later I discovered lifting weights, Golds Gym and figure athletes and my perception changed completely, however the crazy dieting and mentality that pursued turned me into a bulimic by the end of Senior year.. I did change over to a somewhat better "bodybuilders" diet (more calories, and more fat) of course female style, but I put on muscle and lost fat and looked much better than the cardio bunny days..
Than two years later I was very much let down by a decision I made, that didn't turn out to be what I thought it to be (aka joining the military) and I was discharged soon after... Looking back Im so glad they couldn't break me, I've always been a rebel and a free thinker, plus I never agreed with the governments decisions and I've seen what just 4 years in the military can do, with my best friends coming back now... However, I think this realization hit me hard, I put on 30 lbs in a year and was depressed and secluded.. bouncing around for that following year, I couldn't decide what to do with my life, I was living between my grandmothers in LA (santa monica) and my best friend in San Fran, never holding a job for more than 3 months, Life was kinda fun, still bulimic tho, depressed for sure, and completely scattered ( I was 20 by now).
A half a year later I tried raw foods, for a month, I was stoked! It almost eliminated my bingeing (at least somewhat) but it was raw vegan, and I was always hungry or just had that nawing feeling, I lost a shit ton of my muscle, I was losing weight but it had to be mostly muscle- not my thing, and my friends declared I was turning yellow... so I quit, seconds later researching as I do, I found Atkins/ Protein Power etc. or better yet VLC...I did this on and off fora while now but my bingeing continued so I kind of stayed the same or went up and down... however Im now 22, and have a lot of shit years ago I couldn't seem to do, a job for almost a year, doing well in school with plans to transfer and my own place plus I manage my grandmothers finances and am able to keep her in a assisted living home... Im still depressed a lot though and I guess its because I feel lonely, and my friends have all moved on and away...but I need to stay positive...

So I researched more stayed on VLC, because its the best thing that worked, and even now I do it, but I haven't cured my bulimia or my addictions - sugar (its why I binge?), drinking sometimes, smoking a bit... it sucks, I knew about the primal diet, I even meet a cool girl off myspace, I don't think she's on here, but her story is amazing and she's way awesome and inspiring... I bought Anajonus's books, in fact I live in the center of raw foodism in a sense, we have 3-4 restaurants (raw vegan) but found out about a special "raw" co-op right here in Venice although its not listed etc because they fear the FDA coming in and shutting them down, so you have to have a membership...
OK! sorry for blahhhing, I'm really here to make friends, get some advice or support, hopefully be able to give some!  and maybe change my life...