The Work Crowd

[Ioanna]

The lunch time is kind of a social time where I work, so my never being in the break room or out with people at a restaurant across the street goes noticed.  During holiday lunches (they are usually pot luck) I usually just put some stuff on a plate and am there for the social aspect, but I don't ever eat anything for real, just that if I don't have a plate in front of me with food on it every male in the room has to loudly vocalize his observation that I'm not eating. 

I still get comments occasionally though like "I've never seen you eat" (guys) or "no wonder you're so thin" (women)... oh, it gets me so angry! 

Do people at work comment on what, when, or how you're eating your food?

[RawZi]

I usually just put some stuff on a plate and am there for the social aspect, but I don't ever eat anything for real, just that if I don't have a plate in front of me with food on it every male in the room has to loudly vocalize his observation that I'm not eating.

    I've learned to do that too.  I put food on the plate in front of me, and I don't make a big deal.  No one notices then that I'm not eating, especially if there are some pushy gluttons near me.  I dislike the smell of cooked meat or cooked milk/cooked omnivores oftentimes, so more often I socialize with vegans.  They've been really unconscious and eat just about anything right off my plate sometimes, and I guess they assume I ate with them.

    Maybe you can be more positive and realize the women are jealous that you have a great shape.  Smile.  Maybe they'll copy you.  What do you think the problem is with the guys?  They just want the group to control you under their directioning?  I think I'd just smile and not worry, although I think happiness in itself is called a diagnosable disease on the ICD-9/ICD-10.

[Ioanna]

men, I think, just say what's on their mind and that's about as profound as it gets.  Women, I think, are excusing their own lack of health.  Either, both are negative implications IMO.

[goodsamaritan]

I sometimes have lunch in the same table as my employees.
I would get some raw fish sashimi and chopsticks. 
Which is normal in our culture.
Sometimes I feel like raw beef.
They don't mind because they help me maintain my health websites and have seen me sick and fat so they understand.

[livingthelife]

Perhaps they see you (Ioanna) as rejecting them, since the work-eating is a social bonding; they wish to reinforce themselves individually through their solidarity.

When I worked I did not socialize with my colleagues at lunch, after hours, over weekends, for birthdays, etc, though the rest of the group did. My choice caused problems for me; however, I singled myself out by not participating. Perhaps I could have been more conciliatory, as you are attempting to do, or perhaps it wouldn't have been enough to just "go through the motions."

Since you don't seem willing to eat SAD to please your colleagues,  you could create a different label, such as "the bookworm" who prefers to read over lunch, or "the fitness nut" who prefers to take a walk? At least you wouldn't have to stand there while they throw insults at you (these missives of rejection are insults, passive-aggressive-style).

A difficult situation, to be sure.

[wodgina]

People don't like people who are different, they will probably think you don't like them because you don't eat together. The guys will probably feel rejected and the women will think you think your too good for them (especially if your slim!)

Just go out of you way to talk to everyone, let them know your interested in them.

Most importantly though make sure your happy within yourself. People will sense it.

ps Ha ha living life pipped me to the post, I've also had problems with not fitting in as I don't get drunk/taking drugs with the bosses. It's cost me professionally but I am who I am and I just can't act/pretend, I just can't seem to do it. A lot people don't like that...

[jessica]

i am lucky to work at an organic health food store, we all take our lunches separately but often i will eat around them as break usually means eat while you are completing a task. there is one coworker who was grossed out at first but only by the raw beef, since then if i eat at work i tend to eat raw fish as this is more acceptable.  i work with raw vegans who are totally accepting but i try to be conscious of their comfort level and do not eat around them.  i share my diet with my customers who are intrigued when they see me in good health, most are honestly surprised i have not "gotten sick" from bacteria, and then i get to go into this huge schpeel the importance of bacteria

i would say if people arent open or at least accepting i would not really waste my time trying to gain their acceptance or even put much thought into their lack of...even if they cannot accept you for willing to partake in social events just to be their and in their company, that is selfish and intellectual and emotionally immature of them