I went pretty nuts in the throes of my eating disorder, at some point i started eating TOFU from the salad bar at work. I was a vegetarian(lol) from ages 14-21 and never ate tofu until then and wow did it ever make me INSANE. I was also pretty addicted to chocolate chips form the bulk bin, coffee and other stuff at the time...I think I was on and off birth control pills and emergency contraceptive as well. I wonder if this women is on some kind of contraceptive?
My blood sugar and hormones were out of control, and i would have anxiety attacks and tantrums that would put any 2 year old to shame! I remember angrily throwing a cookie out the window after having a severe panic attack and laughing and crying about how insane I felt, my boyfriend at the time and i still laugh about how nuts I was. I remember being hungry and then getting angry at eating and sometimes just stuffing myself with food and feeling like an endless pit and feeling that the energy I would get from food would just manifest into something horrible. No wonder I had disordered eating. It had also been common for me to hurt myself, like punch myself of hit myself over the head with something that would knock me out, just out of trying to express how deep of anxiety I was feeling, like my body needed a physical manifestation of it? I am not sure, I did this so much in my past, from my childhood on up until about 5 years ago when I started eliminating food allergens and eating rawpaleoish.
I took myself to the hospital that week because I could not get a grip on my emotions and has spent a few days curled up in a panicked paralysis. Theyir only recommendation was to send me to a psychiatrist, thankfully I had already had experiences with ODing on Prozac and Zoloft and knew that the only thing more horrible then having your every emotion exaggerated was to feel totally devoid of any emotion. Needless to say I never went to the psych doc.
Looking back all of my emotions and actions were so clearly being manipulated by the contraceptives as well as food, i couldn't get thorough a days work without becoming severely depressed and crying...ugh. What a horrible time! This was before I knew anything about how allergic to most foods I had become, and, although i didn't eat a lot of grains at the time, I don't think I had used salt or butter the whole time I was "vegetarian" and maintained a pretty low fat diet. I also thought spelt was gluten free and used things like Almond milk in my coffee. Those things cause me immediate reactions now, but then I had constant weird rashes and was just out of my mind.
Definitely not anything like that anymore. Its almost unbelievable still that I have lived most of my life like that and am just now slowly starting to build a life without the hindrance of being mentally, emotionally and physically unstable.
