On love

[Iguana]

On love:"I don’t believe in love at first sight. I think it’s a grave mistake.You’re attracted by physical characteristics and you will regret it." Lee Kuan Yew

No, not at all, at least for me. Most of the time, I somehow feel what the girl/woman is really, beyond her physical appearance. Some may be very pretty, but I'm not attracted because I feel there's something I don't like in her behavior or her allure.

On the other hand, if her physical characteristics don't attract me, I won't be able to love her, no matter how kind, intelligent, sympathetic she's. Everything in her has to attract me, physical as well as mental. 

[TylerDurden]

Lee Kuan Yew was a rather unemotional, pragmatic type who would have been far more impressed by a woman's intelligence, ability to have healthy children and career than anything  as superficial(to him) as good looks. Indeed, his wife appears to have been  a bit of a Medusa as regards looks:-


http://mustsharenews.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/mrs-lee-5.jpg

[sabertooth]

So is the ideal love instinctual, or cerebral? or perhaps it is to be found in a happy balance between the two?

Love at first sight ultimately depends upon the peculiar connection made between lustful eyes of the beholder and the reciprocity of the beholden........ One mans Medusa, is another mans Seducea....

[goodsamaritan]

My personal philosophy since forever is I CHOOSE who to love.

First time I laid eyes on that 18 yr old girl... I found her absolutely pretty, 5 stars erection sexy, smells really good to me. Invited her out on dates to get to know her and found that she fulfilled my entire check list of the woman I wanted to marry. So I courted her and CHOSE to love her.

Some pragmatism there. I thought:

(1) She's 5 stars erection sexy, I will be sexually attracted to her until forever.
(2) She's so beautiful, my mom said to marry the most beautiful girl I can get so every morning I wake I will start the day with a smile on my face because I wake up everyday to a beautiful girl.
(3) And my mom told me to never ever get a NAGGER... non negotiable... this girl does not nag.

So after 3 children, even during her 10 year sexual down time... I still choose to love her because she is the mother of 3 of my children.  And we will probably share grand children in the future... so I will choose to love her of course.

When after our family disaster and when I got immensely sick with eczema and did the health transformation thing, at one point I seem to have just woken up to a new consciousness and I found myself smiling to find out... so this is my wife... she's very pretty... lucky me.

Same with children... as long as they are my blood descendants... I choose to love them.

For me blood runs thick... I love my parents... I love my grand parents...

[JeuneKoq]

The difference between instinctual and cerebral mate picking is that the former will always lead to the best biological match possible, and produce the best offspring possible. It is a choice directed by the unconscious, objective part of the brain, which makes the best individual and specie survival decisions. As long as it has not been short-circuit by unhealthy practices and subjective-mind conceptions.

Cerebral mate picking is usually guided by your socio-cultural conditioning, and will not necessarily lead to the best match that natural instincts would otherwise provide.

EG: The practice of marrying -thus being "forced to love"- a cousin in some arab countries is based on the fact that, traditionally, cattle must be offered to the bride's family as a present. So in order to keep the cattle among the family, what better solution than to just marry one of yours?
However it is clear that consanguinity generates the risk of producing defective children. A wrong for a right, I guess...

note: you can replace the word "best" with "optimal" if you'd like, as we may not always be able to meet the "perfect" mate at every opportunity, if such person really exists...But hey, maybe Fate has its ways...

[Iguana]

My personal philosophy since forever is I CHOOSE who to love.
First time I laid eyes on that 18 yr old girl... I found her absolutely pretty, 5 stars erection sexy, smells really good to me.

You did not choose to find her pretty and sexy, did you? We are all different and a girl or woman who's pretty and attractive to me may not be so to you. 

[sabertooth]

The difference between instinctual and cerebral mate picking is that the former will always lead to the best biological match possible, and produce the best offspring possible. It is a choice directed by the unconscious, objective part of the brain, which makes the best individual and specie survival decisions. As long as it has not been short-circuit by unhealthy practices and subjective-mind conceptions.

Cerebral mate picking is usually guided by your socio-cultural conditioning, and will not necessarily lead to the best match that natural instincts would otherwise provide.

My sentiments exactly... To me it seems like the love at first sight phenomenon is some deeply imbedded instinct which beckons to the core of your DNA molecule, urging you to merge with the beloved organism the moment it steps into view, the reason being that you somehow just know the resulting offspring would have similarly loveable attributes which would insure that your own genetic line would have a better chance of survival through the generations. This is a split second decision that does not take into account any of the modern taboos or cultural conditionings which are used to repress the breeding instincts in order to serve a social utility.

Culture has found a way to hack into these biological imperatives and through hierarchical materialism and male dominance patriarchy, and has been able to pass off individuals of poor genetic and character traits as blue ribbon breeders, because of the unfair advantage that wealth and privilege gives the haves over the have nots of this world. In extreme circumstances there isn't even any allowance for natural attraction to be considered in the matching process.

The game has changed since the paleo days where if you were suave enough to impregnate the village beauty then those offspring would be assured acceptance by the extended family and be taken care of by the tribe as a whole. Now with the breakdown of tribalism and the rise of the nuclear family it has become imperative that paternity be established or else most males will not even bother to help the women folk with raising the child and under the new construct our casual breeding instinct has lead to a bastardization of the entire human race.

The saving grace I will point to, is that what is now to be considered the "best" or "optimal" in the matters of love, still remains in the domain of the eye of the beholder, which though often heavily blinded by cultural vales, conditioning and conditionality, still maintains its capacity for love, on a deeper level, that can defy all boundaries or limitations and is capable of the sensitivity and rascality needed to earn and attain the affections of the desired. The game of human romance and the establishment of healthy relations is still an evolving and living art, it is up to us to realize that there are no absolutes.....and as the old saying goes all is fair in love and war....

[goodsamaritan]

You did not choose to find her pretty and sexy, did you? We are all different and a girl or woman who's pretty and attractive to me may not be so to you. 

Correct.

But I do not necessarily "love" a girl I find sexy and pretty.  I find lots of girls sexy and pretty.

I choose to love  the mothers of my children. my children, my parents and my grand parents.

Maybe we have to go and define LOVE from each of our cultural points of views.