little help?

[yon yonson]

so there's this girl im kinda into right now and i kinda want to ask her out on a date but im just a little worried about how the whole RPD thing will go over with her. right now we're just friends but i havent hung out with her that much so i havent told her yet about what i eat. anyways, i was just curious if you guys (or gals) have any tips for me on how i should approach the situation. should i tell her about my diet before i ask her out? should i stop worrying over it? i havent been on a date since my diet change so im a little nervous. by the way, she's really into fitness and she seems like a pretty open minded person but she still eats a pretty regular 'healthy' diet and goes drinking and stuff so im not really sure how she'd take it...

[goodsamaritan]

Maybe when you are out on a date, you could go to a sushi bar or a steak house they can serve raw steak or seared steak. So you look normal.

You ease into the conversation and maybe she gets the idea that you are indeed a health buff some levels above hers but still reachable.

How old are you and her anyway?

[Josh]

Don't talk about it...if she asks what food you like, say 'I usually make health food myself...if I go out I like sashimi.' Or something like that.

[wodgina]

I wouldn't bring it up too soon as if raw foods are all your about. Anyway you've got to keep yourself at least a little mysterious! ha

[TylerDurden]

It would be a very bad idea to mention the raw food diet right at the start. She would automatically assume that you're obsessed by it. In short, view yourself simply as an average man who just happens to eat a raw food diet, rather than as a raw foodist, and mention it in passing after you're more advanced into the relationship or if she asks directly. You should also sometimes compromise as regards eating out.  This is necessary for single RAFers, IMO. The only ones I know who can be 100% raw tend to be  already married(in which case the other partner is also a RAFer).

Eating raw fish at sashimi restaurants is a great idea as is eating raw oysters at oyster bars(they're usually smoked, I think, though?), you can also get raw steak tartare in french/hungarian/russian restaurants(just ask them to leave out the butter) and there's even raw meat kitfo in Ethiopian restaurants. The steak tartare option is good if she hates all raw animal food(most don't mind sashimi at all), as that means you can still eat raw without there being any disagreement. Raw vegan restaurants are also an option unless you go zero-carb. A cooked alternative would be all these semi-organic grassfed burger joints that are appearing all over the place(just ask them to not add any extras like mayonnaise etc. to the burger). And then there are those restaurants serving wild game, albeit cooked.

Re alcohol:- You can get away with that up to a point. First of all, "real ale" also known as "cask-conditioned ale"/"cask-brewed ale") is actually raw/unpasteurised and full of bacteria and a better option than lager with all its chemicals. Also, German and Czech beers are forced by their governments to only have 4 standard beer ingredients so, even though they're pasteurised, they're not full of chemicals. Then there's spirits. Transparent-coloured spirits don't have the kind of hangover-causing congeners that exist in coloured spirits, meaning they have less of a toxic effect on you. Of course, when going to bars/pubs you have little choice except lager or spirits so choose some transparent spirit like vodka as a compromise(mineral-water , otherwise), and buy things like real ale bottles for your home in case of guests/dates.

My own view is that it's OK to have 1 main sin. I avoid cooked food as much as possible unless a disaster strikes, preferring raw organic fruit if raw meats are unavailable, but I'll settle for occasionally drinking some alcohol with others.

*I really need to do a thread/post on how to compromise re raw foods. I'll do a preliminary post at some stage and then ask people to add their own suggestions.

[yon yonson]

thanks guys. ya, i guess i shouldn't mention it up front. keep my mysteriousness (haha). i think if she asks, i'll tell her i'm on the paleolithic diet and tell her about that and stuff and just not mention  the raw part. if she persists i'll tell her that i tried out raw and it made me feel better than cooked so i stuck with it. which is all true so i guess i just need to relax and tell it like it is... by the way, we're both 21. i havent had alcohol in a few months but im thinking it would not go well. i've been zero carb for about 6 weeks now, so alcohol would probably not be good. anyone have experience with drinking alcohol on zero carb after abstaining for several weeks?

[Raw Kyle]

I haven't gone zero carb for long enough but can say that as far as cheating with alcohol, food etc the worst thing for me is grains, dairy and very spicy food. Unfortunately I love spicy food. Alcohol didn't affect me too bad but you want to take it slow because there's nothing worse than a dehydrating hang over when you're used to feeling good all the time.

Don't mention the diet at all, play it cool. Usually the less you talk about something that is interesting about you, the more the person will be interested in that thing and in you as well.

[Ioanna]

I agree, stay mysterious

Let her enjoy getting to know you.  She'll find out on her own interest to know more about you.  Besides, bringing anything up right away almost gives it a negative connotation, and that's not the case here at all.

Have fun!!

[Guittarman03]

If you don't think it's a big deal, and don't treat it as such; then neither will she.  People eat raw oysters, sushi, rare and tartar steak, and raw eggs (cookie dough!) all the time.  Don't hide it, but don't bring it up like it's something to confess or something that defines you.

And if it ends up being a show stopper, well... f*#% it.       

[TylerDurden]

On VLC or LC, I've noticed that I have few problems with alcohol. This is partly because I look out for "healthier" alcohol than what most people drink(not necessarily  weaker drinks) but also I think that being healthier has made me less susceptible to the various toxins in it.Never tried alcohol while doing my 1 or 2 disastrous raw zero-carb experiments.

[cherimoya_kid]

I've not had bad problems with drinking alcohol while being VLC.  I agree that you should probably stick with raw ale or a colorless liquor like vodka. 

Definitely do not mention the raw foods thing, at first.  Ease into it over a period of weeks or months.  I had a lot of problems dating until I figured this out.  The problem I have found is that, at least in the USA 

1.  most women are really turned off by raw meat/organs, and by watching you eat such foods (except for my current girlfriend, who is really cool about it)

2.  most women buy into the low-fat dogmatic preaching

3.  The women who are already into such foods are generally rather strong-willed/hard-headed/difficult.  At least the American women are.  They have to be, because otherwise, they will have already bowed to the bullshit American cultural assumptions re: food.

 If you like difficult women, great. If you are used to submissive fainting flower-type women, and hard-headed women are not your thing, then you'll have to do either find a women who doesn't care that you eat raw meat/organs/animal fats, or you'll have to slowly ease her into learning about it.  slowly.  It doesn't matter if you screw it up the first few times.  You're young, and there's plenty of fish in the sea, and you'll have decades to perfect the craft of getting them to love you first, and sneaking in the diet part later.  LOL

Seriously, don't freak out.  It doesn't matter if you get it wrong.  There's millions of other lovely ladies.  I screwed it up plenty of times before I found someone who connects with me (for other reasons) who also doesn't care if I eat raw meat. 

[Ioanna]

I can't imagine telling anyone how I eat.  It's gonna be hard for me.

[Ironbeef]

If someone reacts poorly to my raw diet, I make it a point to focus down on their oversized mid-section, and cordially explain to them how it's not their fault they're overweight, but the fault of a corrupt food processing establishment which has lied to them the better part of the twentieth century up until now. The problem with most of us Americans is we believe verbatum, almost anything told to us without an iota of personal research...sad.   

[yon yonson]

thanks for the advice guys. Update: we're still on the friend level, but we're definitely growing closer. i still havent mentioned my diet and thus, she has never ever seen me eat anything. this fact made things a little awkward today; i went with her to this coffee shop because she was hungry and of course i told her i wasnt hungry. her and her friend then jokingly said that i must be anorexic. haha. i just kinda laughed it off and said that i prefer to eat at home. she was cool with that. but i mean its kinda coming to the point were i might get stuck in an awkward situation like that were i kind of have to tell her what i eat. any suggestions on actually telling her about my diet or should i just keep it mysterious?

[akaikumo]

I'm kind of worrying about this myself. My social life is getting more active, and I'm about to go on RPD (assuming I don't crack and stuff myself full of cake or something).

But as with most things--don't worry about it and people will probably just look at you funny if you're forced to mention it. The more we worry about something the more attention it draws and the more we entice someone to make a negative judgment. People smell fear and lack of confidence If you appear completely suave, like it's an everyday thing for people to eat a hunk of raw liver with their bare hands, people are less likely to mark it as "gross" and more likely to mark it as just something weird you do.

The problem is this takes a good dose of healthy self-esteem, and there's nothing more difficult to keep than self-esteem in a social situation. Especially when it involves someone you're interested in.

One thing you could tell her in a somewhat rushed situation like that (where you don't want to sit there and answer questions about your diet) is that you just don't eat anything you don't prepare yourself. If she asks you why you don't, tell her you just like knowing the source of your food.

Or... just flat out tell her you're into the raw paleolithic diet and cover your bases right there. If she asks questions, answer them as if you're not doing anything peculiar at all.

Definitely don't go on the defensive or feel shame if she disapproves. There's nothing worse than being coaxed into a "debate" or feeling self-conscious about it just because the person takes offense to your choices. They own their negative reaction; you don't have to.

[TylerDurden]

thanks for the advice guys. Update: we're still on the friend level, but we're definitely growing closer. i still havent mentioned my diet and thus, she has never ever seen me eat anything. this fact made things a little awkward today; i went with her to this coffee shop because she was hungry and of course i told her i wasnt hungry. her and her friend then jokingly said that i must be anorexic. haha. i just kinda laughed it off and said that i prefer to eat at home. she was cool with that. but i mean its kinda coming to the point were i might get stuck in an awkward situation like that were i kind of have to tell her what i eat. any suggestions on actually telling her about my diet or should i just keep it mysterious?

Obviously, if you prolong revealing RPD details to her and it turns out she loathes the thought of her man eating raw flesh, then it's all a waste of time. So, just make sure she's relatively open-minded about other people's eccentricities, first.

Ideally, assuming she is open to new ideas, you should, however, keep from revealing it for a long time. Once the secret's out you should act blase as though it's no big deal just something you're forced to do re health.

As regards adapting to social occasions like cafes, the only RVAFers who have it easy re maintaining the raw  diet 100% are thos who already have families(most of whom are any RVAFers, too). What I strongly suggest you do is every few days experiment with a completely different type of cooked food and measure your responses to it.

Take my example re the above:- I found, via constant experimentation, that I have no particular, immediate reaction to tea so I'm happy to have 1 cup(I live in the UK where declining an offer of tea is relatively socially unacceptable at times!).I avoid coffee/soft drinks as coffee fucks up the adrenals and I used to have adrenal-related problems years ago - and the soft drinks foul up my blood-sugar levels etc(lucozade nearly killed me, pre-raw diet). As for the rest, I eventually found that raw ale and transparent spirits/liqueurs were much less harmful to me than most other additive-rich alcohols like wine, and while any ingestion of  greasy, fatty cooked animal fat makes me vomit sooner or later, very lean lightly-cooked meat and lightly-steamed vegetables are just about bareable. I can even handle 1 piece of pastry, here and there, though I usually need water to wash the stuff down. And sushi only gives me very mild stomach-pains which I can handle, so I tolerate that when sashimi is unavailable.

In short, find out what non-rawpaleo foods/drinks mess you up the least, and insist on those options when going out. But do still look for raw alternatives like sashimi restaurants, restaurants offering steak-tartare etc.