The social side of you?

[Ioanna]

How do you do it?? Or maybe you'r just one of those people who doesn't care what others think... I wish I could be like that, but I'm not

In my social circle of friends I've found a way to make things work because I usually meet them later in the evening at which point it is sensical not to be hungry, and no one pressures me.  I try to be with a group too... girls (even when in a group of girls) cannot accept someone at the table not eating with them while my guy friends could care less if they're eating and I'm not. 

And dating?!?  So I went out with someone once and he *thinks* he likes me, lol.  I've not told anyone I eat this way yet, and I like my secret   Do I tell him???  Do I just keep dodging eating times... how long can that last?  What do you do?  If you've already had a significant other when you started eating this way, what did (s)he think?

Thanks!

[djr_81]

I've been the odd one out when we dine out due to my food allergies for years now so it's not been to hard to adapt.
When I first had to start due to the food allergies I felt a bit self-concious asking to hold the sides, etc. but I steeled myself that it was for my health and got over it. I even got to the point where I'd bring Tupperware into a restaurant and eat my food from it if they didn't sell anything I could eat and friends or family would be dining there. It's a bit harder now that it's raw meat but it's still for my health so I'll get over it.

As for my wife's thoughts; she was scared to death I'd get sick from food poisoning, etc. She had faith in me though and is getting better about it (still freaks her out if I'm eating a raw organ though ). I think it comes down to if their belief in you or the proof you can show them on raw foods can override society's views which are ingrained.

And dating?!?  So I went out with someone once and he *thinks* he likes me, lol.  I've not told anyone I eat this way yet, and I like my secret   Do I tell him???  Do I just keep dodging eating times... how long can that last?

If he's got a brain then you should be able to show him some of the studies referenced on this site, as well as explain how much it's help you so far, and let him come to his own decisions. I've had conversations with a number of people about it and even though some do ostensibly object they are usually swayed to the benefits even if "it sounds like a good way to eat but not for me".

[phatdave]

I was thinking about this today. I went out with my brothers, one whos a little older and one whos alot alot older (and his friend). I ended up compremising by ordering the roast beef, but with a double helping of the beef. I also asked for it to be rare.

When i ordered i actually created a little (yet all in good humour) scene by saying I didnt want any veg, yorkshire pudding, or potatoes, and just wanted meat. The waitress and my bro were kinda messing with me about how I wanted to bulk up on protein and said something about how I could always buy some protein powder at the shops and have that! Hahaha 



Anyway, so i end up getting the usual plate (with extra beef) so the others can eat my veg etc. Of course by this point (while we wait) they all look at me as to say 'errrr explain!?'. "Well you know when i got ill travelling....bla bla bla....Took and interest in my health....yada yada yada......history of human diet...."

I loose my bros friend my this point, and the younger of the 2 brothers has already heard it all before. So i explain, and surprising my brother is actually remarkably interested. Well i thought, hmm, didnt see that coming.

Anyway i guess the point is its not always as ackward as you expect. Sure when i was ordering it was little 'spotlightish', and things would have been even weirder if i was trying to order a raw steak, but once I explained more than just, "I like raw meat" (and give them a slightly odd look) everything makes more sense and people understand.

So there we go. Oh, and also, since I started getting my energy/groundedness back (which ill have to do a thread on) I was so much more confident I really didnt feel that uncomfortable being in the spotlight. Which felt great - and which i owe TO this lifestyle.

But this is just an account of one day - I cant help but feel this subject is quite large, as the majority of our society are carb/cooking addicts, and a big part of socializing is through that medium  (or rather AS carby/cooked people).  I am finding myself becoming more and more balanced, yet that sometimes mean I am less attracted to societies norms, like things that are unrelated to food (yet maybe related) for example....possessions.

People care soo much about stuff, maybe it is a result of being on a up and down mentality.

We will see.

ps. i know my rambling form of the english language is nearly unreadable, but i no longer really bother with pouring over the details like the obsessive i used to be!I hope you get the gist, and  IOANNA keep in touch about this because this is something that really interests me.)

pps. I wonder what my new girlfriend will say! shes back in a day, will let you know....

ppps. Ioanna, one other thing, if you do ever mention it to a bf or friend, ive learnt in life not to make a big deal out of things like this. Like today I didnt really need to explain in detail about why, I could have just been a bit lighter hearted about it. Play with it, and if people see how healthy you are and are genuinely curious they will ask, and you can tell them. But i guess just say what you mean which is i guess something like, "Because it makes me feel good". all the best.

[Ioanna]

thanks guys!  I'll let you know when I actually brave teh truth and what the reaction is. He already asked me what kind of food I like, which was an easy answer... steak!  Then he asked what he can cook for me... oohhhhh I wanted to die!  A sweet gesture on the wrong person   How do I answer that?  Well I dodged it, but it will come up again...

[djr_81]

But this is just an account of one day - I cant help but feel this subject is quite large, as the majority of our society are carb/cooking addicts, and a big part of socializing is through that medium  (or rather AS carby/cooked people).  I am finding myself becoming more and more balanced, yet that sometimes mean I am less attracted to societies norms, like things that are unrelated to food (yet maybe related) for example....possessions.

I've noticed a marked drop-off in my interest in material possessions as well since changing how I'm eating and getting regular exercise. It's nice though.

[phatdave]

Maybe try being coy about it, he might find it odd but cute.

"I know your going to think I'm a bit weird but.....I once tried this raw meat/fruit diet. It made me feel really great, so I actually ended up sticking to it, and actually found the meat and fat was really great for me! Just think steaks, but extra blue . After all the inuits do it, and so did man for thousands of years........Do you think thats weird?

He might be really curious, and if he sees how healthy you are and think its quite interesting.... Charm him Ioanna!

Anyway the point is is that there are a billion guys out there, many of which you will have chemistry with. You may as well not be shy and start playing with it to see peoples reactions, You'll never learn if you dont experiment huh?

Ultimately you will learn how to use it as a strength, but only if you give yourself a chance.

Come one girlie, you remember how great it feels to face your fears.

[PaleoPhil]

thanks guys!  I'll let you know when I actually brave teh truth and what the reaction is. He already asked me what kind of food I like, which was an easy answer... steak!  Then he asked what he can cook for me....

Some people will criticize you no matter what you do, but I hope there may be something helpful here in my amateur suggestions:

How about, "Steak, as rare as you feel comfortable with." And then you could explain it. I know the suggestion was meant well, but I wouldn't apologize with comments like "I know your going to think I'm a bit weird but....." Be honest, but use self-compliments instead of apologies to show you're self-confident, and you could try to put him at ease with other less self-judgmental statements that show you are sensitive to his feelings like, "This may sound unusual, because it did to me at first, but [insert your reason for trying the diet--such as a friend or doctor recommended it or you were amazed at other peoples' success stories, or impressed by the studies on it, etc.]. I'm adventurous, so I decided to try it." Show you are confident and happy and proud of your wise choices and people will be less likely to criticize or lecture you (though some likely still will).

I also joke about it. I'm not sure if it convinces people I'm less strange or more, but people do laugh instead of scowl. I also making a point of eating a little bit of food in front of others that they know I consider unhealthy, but can handle without getting severe negative reactions. This seems to put them more at ease about possible assumptions that this is just some strange obsession on my part. In this faddish and obsessive society, including many strange diet fads, many people assume that those on unusual diets are the foolish victims of some bizarre fad or are obsessive. So demonstrating intelligence, rationality, confidence, calmness, happiness and willingness to occasionally break from the diet seem to assure people you're reasonably OK. When I'm offered food I don't want to eat I say "No, thanks," and smile.

I'm guessing that men will be more OK with a raw-meat-eating gal than ladies tend to be with raw-meat-eating men. After all, "men constitute only one-third of adults who consider themselves vegetarians." (Michael Downey, "Real Men Go Vegetarian," http://www.creationsmagazine.com/articles/C114/Downey.html). Some men might even be turned on by it. I like the idea of a cave-gal myself.

[goodsamaritan]

I'm 40 years old so there's no peer pressure.

I can share that with a business client meeting in a posh country club I made specific orders to the waiter to sear my steak... bloody bloody bloody rare... write that down mr. waiter.

And I continued with my lunch meeting.

In other occasions like parties I just choose raw organic fruits.  When forced to look social I take dainty bites of cooked meat.

Last night we had a home party for my son so I had raw tuna sashimi and some watermelon.

Throughout the day since I we live next door to my in laws, I'd have my regular stuff and they don't mind they're used to it.  They see me gain outstandingly better health and youth so there must be something good about it.

Yesterday we were watching the boxing match of Mayweather and I was eating my raw beef ribs with my wife's cousin, he didn't mind... I said, hey, Marquez drinks his own pee...

[wodgina]

 LOL to GoodSamaritan

I like Daves...I've used that direction before

An empty fridge with only a steak sitting there may give him a clue...

or ease him into it saying I've got this gut problem (which is true) and meat is the only thing I can digest or I get bloating/gas etc..very romantic...maybe leave out the bloating/gas bit.

My lines

'I'm allergic to pretty much everything but meat'

'Don't eat cabs' what do you eat then? 'pretty much just meat'

Don't you get sick? 'Nah, never'

What about fruit 'Nah, it's bad for me'

I heard you just eat meat ' yeah, tried heaps of diets to cure my gut problem and found meat was the only thing I could eat.'

[PaleoPhil]

Another one is "I don't do well on ____" and/or "I do best on (raw) meats."

[TylerDurden]

PP is right, confidence is everything. If you show hesitation, people will be more uncomfortable about it than if you're forthright about it. Don't "advertise" the diet though - preaching virtually never works(not even on terminally-ill people, judging from my own experience). So make it seem like it's not too big a deal, just that if you were to switch to a crappy cooked diet, you would start having health problems.

As regards female RVAFers, I've heard claims from female RVAFers that the non-RVAFeating men actually liked the idea(I think, partly  because raw animal food is often seen as an aphrodisiac (eg:- raw oysters/raw sea-urchin ovaries/raw puffer fish(fugu)).


Oh, and occasionally share a piece of dodgy foods with your partner(the least worst the better). That shows that you're not too fanatical re diet all the time.

[SkinnyDevil]

Like GS, I'm also in my 40s. Not feeling much peer pressure (hahaha!). I make no secret of the fact that I eat raw foods (veggies, fruits, & meats), though it rarely comes up because I also feel little reason to advertise. That said, I'm trying to remember if it ever was an issue (I've eaten raw meat for 2 decades or more).

Do you eat only RED meats, or do you also eat fish?

Perhaps you could go out to eat at a sushi place (sashimi).

Perhaps you can go to a French restaurant (steak tartar) or a real Italian place (carpaccio).

Or just go anywhere and have the waiter, as GS said, bring you an EXTREMELY RARE steak. Always works for me.

He'll probably notice soon enough, but when people have a WORD they can place on it (sashimi, carpaccio, tartar, gravlox, gored gored/kitfo, lox, sushi, etc.) or a CULTURAL EXAMPLE (Rocky or real athletes downing shakes with raw eggs), they tend to see it simply as a unusual choice rather than something bizarre.

Also, do you eat meat ONLY or do you also eat salads and such?

[razmatazz]

thanks for bringin this up Ionna, i'm in the same boat as you. I'm starting uni soon, and will be meeting loads of new people and making new friends. The issue is gonna come up sooner or later,..although i will def compromise and eat some (rare) cooked meat especially as i have to go to like 10 dinners in the first 2 weeks 
And with current friends I tried the whole eating at home and coming to friends house/party late and not eat anything...i did that twice with a certain friend, 1st a games night at her house (skipped the dinner at restaurant) then her party...only food available was ice-cream, cheesecake, pizza, so i didnt eat any. And guess what...she called me out on it! in front of people laaaate at night when we were all (bout 7 of us) sitting on her trampoline in the dark (dont ask)...she was like "why didn;t u eat anything", then she brought up the fact i lost some weight (which was the previous year and i'd put it all back on!!!)...oh god it was soooo embarassing, she mustve thought i had some kind of eating disorder or something!! But on the way out, I just told her I have lots of allergies and didn't want to make a fuss over it so i just didnt eat...

I'll let u know how it goes at uni (I start on oct 3rd)...I guess my approach would be easing people into it by saying I eat mostly meat/low carb etc, and follow a paleo approach to eating because I'm a health nut and based on what I've learnt this is a very healthy way of eating, and it makes me feel good, etc etc.

[PaleoPhil]

...she called me out on it! in front of people laaaate at night when we were all (bout 7 of us) sitting on her trampoline in the dark (dont ask)...she was like "why didn;t u eat anything", then she brought up the fact i lost some weight (which was the previous year and i'd put it all back on!!!)...oh god it was soooo embarassing, she mustve thought i had some kind of eating disorder or something!! But on the way out, I just told her I have lots of allergies and didn't want to make a fuss over it so i just didnt eat...

Yeah, that's why I don't take the "don't eat at social occasions" advice. I'm too thin for it, so people would think I was anorexic or something. I try to always eat more than anyone else (and I don't have to try hard, because I normally do so anyways ), otherwise they scold me for being too thin, as though they were my mother or something, and it detracts from otherwise pleasant times. America is such an obese nation (2nd most obese on earth after Samoa, by the last report I saw) that anyone who is really thin is suspected of anorexia, or in recent years, orthorexia. Despite the fact that I was born thin and have been thin most of my life and both my parents and all my grandparents were thin in their youths (a couple got bloated stomachs in later years, as did I before Paleo). If I lived with the San bushmen I'd fit right in, but I live in the good 'ol USA, so I tend to eat big portions of the least bad foods available and sometimes bring my own foods. I don't react much to cooked meats, so it often means eating stuff like rare steaks. I also have a hearty appetite, so putting food in front of me and expecting me to not eat is like throwing a steak in front of a wolf and expecting him to not engulf it. If I do react I eat some raw meat and grassfed suet and that speeds my recovery.

[Guittarman03]

When anyone new asks about my raw steak (we get alot of visitors where i work), I tell them that it'll grow hair on your chest.  They usually laugh, and I'll tell them, 'well you know how they tell you it's good to eat raw fruits and vegetables?'  Of course they say yes, and I ask them why that is, and of course you get some standard answers.  I tell them, 'so it's the exact same thing with meat.'

Next question:  arent you afraid of bacteria, and I just tell them I've been doing it for 2 years now, and I'm doing just fine.  If there's any more interest, they will persue, if not, I leave it at that.

Restaurants are easy.  Raw fish, rare steak.  Just tell them you want it about 15-30 secs on each side.  And tell them 3 times just how rare you're talking.  Otherwise they get it wrong.  Also, you can hand them a $5 and say 'give this to the cook, and please tell him just how rare I would like my steak.'

I think most guys will be okay with it.  Some are girlie men with no stomach, and will be grossed out like a school girl.  You don't want to be with him anyways.  But hell, some of it may rev their gears a little. 

[PaleoPhil]

When anyone new asks about my raw steak (we get alot of visitors where i work), I tell them that it'll grow hair on your chest.  They usually laugh,

LOL! My mother used the hair on the chest bit to get me to eat lumpy oatmeal. Ironically, while I ate oatmeal and other grains I didn't grow hair on my chest, but quickly grew a lot of chest hairs at age 45 when I switched to a nearly carnivorous diet that included raw meats. So your advice appears to be literally true!

and I'll tell them, 'well you know how they tell you it's good to eat raw fruits and vegetables?'  Of course they say yes, and I ask them why that is, and of course you get some standard answers.  I tell them, 'so it's the exact same thing with meat.'

Good idea.

... But hell, some of it may rev their gears a little.  

Yeah, one only has to read the admonishments against sex and eating meats by famous vegetarians and near-vegetarians like Mahatma Gandhi, Drs. Kellogg and Graham and others to know that meats (especially wild and raw) stimulate the sex hormones and sex drive. Now that sex is seen as a GOOD thing, vegetarians don't talk as much about the diminishing effects on the sex drive of vegetarian diets.

“(John Harvey Kellogg) appears to have followed his own advice, since, although he and his wife were married for over 40 years, they likely never had sexual intercourse and maintained separate bedrooms throughout.” http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Harvey_Kellogg

“...free use of flesh (increases) the concupiscent excitability and sensibility of the genital organs..." -- Sylvester Graham

"Yeah, baby!" --Austin Powers

I find the idea of a raw-meat eating lady to be enticing myself.

[SkinnyDevil]

I think most guys will be okay with it.  Some are girlie men with no stomach, and will be grossed out like a school girl.

Hahahaha!!!!!!!

[Raw Kyle]

I make it the smallest deal possible. I used to try and advertise, big mistake. In fact I don't really like talking about it anymore, sometimes friends introduce me and their friends want to hear about it, I always play it down. One time at a party I drank a glass of blood (well, lymph fluid mostly) and someone took a cell phone video. Another time I was hungry and started chomping into my raw meat and some guy said "wait a second, this is kind of epic!" In other words, I've only gotten positive (albeit kind of freakshowish) responses. If I looked unhealthy people would probably not respond as well, but I'm young with clear skin and a trim physique, what are they going to say? Some fat guy or someone with bad skin is going to stand there and tell me my diet choices are unhealthy? I just present it as the way it is and people respect it.

[Ioanna]

thanks all, it's given me confidence to hear all your responses.  I'm not trying to preach or advertise... I'm trying to hide!! which is what makes getting involved in a relationship difficult. And it's true, if he can't handle it that would be ridiculous!  Though what about the reverse, what if I don't like the way he eats, lol?  I don't allow use of the microwave in my house, lol, that's got to be a huge turn-off

Raz... you reminded me of a social event with all my close and not-so-close friends celebrating some event (I don't remember) that we had a cookout at my friend's house... hot dogs, hamburgers, chips, soda, and beer was all.  I didn't make an announcement or anything I just didn't eat (it was late evening anyway), and was already well known that I didn't drink. In front of everybody, one of my good friends at the time accused me of being anorexic.  Oh please!  At the time I was in the peak of my athletics, I hardly looked anorexic!... I responded that I didn't think avoiding chips, soda, and beer made me anorexic and everyone just laughed.  I couldn't believe she would do that to me though! 

well this guy is so nice, but it's only been two weeks and he is sssmmmmoottthhheeerrriiinnggg me 

[goodsamaritan]

If I understand what smothering means... it means that new nice guy thinks that wooing a girl in real life is like what they do in the movies and on television.

But in real life, that's not the case, men need to be suave and playboy like to get the girl(s). 

[Ioanna]

I don't know, I really like how sincere and sweet he is, but he wants to spend so much time together and talk every night ... isn't that a lot when we just met??  or maybe I'm hiding too much (namely diet) to desire getting so close yet... still it's too fast for me.  And everytime we talk he probes me for what I ate for breakfast, lunch, dinner that day trying to get an idea of what he can cook for me.  I'm not even strong enough to say I didn't eat breakfast or lunch because I'm only eating once a day right now... I'm such a wuss! 

I really can't wait to tell all of you how it goes when I eat my first raw steak in front of him, lol!   

[goodsamaritan]

He obviously likes you, but his approach is idiotic / pathetic. (TV like, Movie Like, real world women find that approach too clingy, to possessive, too obsessive, too scary)
Nice guys finish LAST.
That boy has not been trained by a real man.

This is how it's done.


Maybe it's not too late, have someone gift him a copy of this book so he knows how real flesh and blood women want to be approached.
http://www.amazon.com/Mystery-Method-Beautiful-Women-Into/dp/0312360118/ref=pd_bxgy_d_img_b

I keep a copy of this book at home so when my boys grow up I can read this with them as a reference.  And with my own experience I agree with most of what the author says.

[TylerDurden]

I don't know, I really like how sincere and sweet he is, but he wants to spend so much time together and talk every night ... isn't that a lot when we just met??  or maybe I'm hiding too much (namely diet) to desire getting so close yet... still it's too fast for me.  And everytime we talk he probes me for what I ate for breakfast, lunch, dinner that day trying to get an idea of what he can cook for me.  I'm not even strong enough to say I didn't eat breakfast or lunch because I'm only eating once a day right now... I'm such a wuss! 

Well, er I'm hardly an expert but it's a human characteristic re psychology that making oneself less available to others makes them see you as having higher value. In other words, the more you try to avoid him(due to the raw food issue?) the more he may want to be with you. Perhaps your tactic is wrong and you should smother him in turn! Then again he might disappear completely  as a result.

[wodgina]

Treat m mean keep them keen!

When I was younger I was hanging with this girl  I thought was OK and for some reason I told her a massive bullshit story about how I broke the the neck on my guitar, anyway it was a complete lie it was BS! About an hour later a mate came up to me and asked about the guitar and exposed my bullshite story haha...she jumped me after that!  I thought wow this is how you do it!

[Raw Kyle]

Ioanna, instead of responding with pm I'm perfectly comfortable talking about my relationship in this thread here. Maybe others will find it helpful.

Basically a friend of mine from high school hooked us up. She moved into his apartment when someone else moved out, they are friends from college. He told her all kinds of stuff about me, including the raw meat diet. She wasn't too interested, I don't think she likes being "set up," but when we finally met we hit it off. She tried raw beef (Korean yook hwe) with me on one of our first dates, and she said she'd like to eat some raw meat once in a while. She's pretty adamant about not wanting to eat organs though. Also I cook for her a lot because I love to cook (unfortunately ironic eh?) and she doesn't cook much but loves to eat. It works out. My goal, if we stay together long term, is to get her to eat mostly paleo with at least some raw meat on a regular basis. The biggest challenge is that she is Indian and her parents raised her to love Indian foods, usually cooked with veggie oils, lots of rice, some breads, etc...that food is very tasty I'll admit. So I'll probably be making some cooked and raw meat dishes with the best imitation of Indian spices and sauces I can do.

In summary, ends up she liked me so much that the diet thing was a complete non issue, and she even wants to try it. I've never had a girl balk at my diet, from vegetarian through raw vegan to raw meat. Unfortunately for you I would imagine it would be a bit more difficult for women as men might be intimidated by raw meat eating, it's just considered a more masculine thing to eat meat in general. But if this guy likes you enough to be smothering you early on, then I would bet that this wouldn't be a serious issue. I think hiding it, or anything really, is a bad idea. When you get right down to it there are much stranger things people do, for example religion. People are out there believing in different God's and still getting together and making it work. Politics, some people are hardcore about beliefs. Something you do for health is just that, for your health, it's not who you are, and people don't tend to become offended at health decisions as they do for religious and political ones.

Be honest and open is my advice. Good luck!