Author Topic: Round 2: From addiction to recovery  (Read 118018 times)

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Offline Paleo Donk

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #50 on: January 17, 2010, 10:41:48 pm »
Almost 4 weeks in! Whoooop! (any Aggies here?). I bought some ketone strips to check what was going on and tested low the first time and then moderate upon waking this morning.

The main thing I want from this diet, as I've mentioned multiple times before, is energy. I usually feel so slow, sluggish, listless and can get so angry for feeling this way. I thought that just changing the diet would do it all for me. Once I had my energy I would be able to do the other things in life that made me feel good.

I've had thoughts of doing just a small line of cocaine. How incredible it would make me feel!  They call this euphoric recall. I've only done about 3 grams ever, which is amount that a cokehead could easily handle in one night but the intense, overwhelming feeling of pleasure is hard to forget. There were a few moments where I desperately wanted to clear up all this agonizing clutter in my head. Its like nearly instaneously I can do anything I want and know that I'm making the right decision. It really is a helluva drug, at least before you die from overdose.

I'm coming to terms with the fact that I must get myself moving and working without all that extra energy that I was hoping for. Every time I read my anxiety book and do the exercises I get a sense of relief, feel a bit renewed and get passionate about just doing something. I  was feeling sleepy, with heavy eyelids yesterday around noonish and was scheduled to go the gym. Instead of forcing myself to go tired,  I worked first on my anxiety and then went shortly after. I ended up having a good workout with good energy throughout.

I hadn't mentioned this yet, just forgot, but I was taking a low dose antidepressant (10mg lexapro) for two months which I stopped taking three days ago. It takes a couple weeks I believe to fully get out of your system so  I won't know anything for awhile. It was doing nothing noticeable for me so why not chunk it and see where I'm at.

I also did a little yoga on dvd yesterday in the morning. I am quite inflexible, and feel tight all over my body.  When I bend down to touch my toes my hamstrings start to hurt when my hands are about 6 inches above the ground and reaching for the ground is extremely painful. My globo gym also offers yoga so I'll be checking that out as well. I generally feel very relieved and peaceful after a session.

I'm also going to start eating more. I was being a bit foolish trying to keep my intake low. I got caught up in wanting to lose weight, which should have been low on my list. I do eventually want to lose the fat for jumping and explosion purposes in the sports that I will be doing but it isn't necessary now. I think I was averaging about 1.7 pounds of meat a day which is entirely way to low for me. I ate almost 3 pounds yesterday (about half a pound was cooked). I was forcing myself through hunger which I'm not going to do anymore. I had a good bit of slankers lamb shoulder which was probably the best tasting meat to date.  It was also pretty fatty and I think I like lamb more than beef. I'll be sending out for another much bigger order on monday.

1/16

Bench DB - worked up to
100x5
105x4.5 - ooomph just barely failed last rep

Hang Power Snatch
bar work
95x2
115x2
135x1
145x1
150x1 PR!!

There was a time last year when I could not get 115 so this is huge

Deadlift - again was going to go for 345x4 but grip is failing
205x2
275x2
345x1
395x1 - alternate grip
345x1

I had good energy throughout but felt stiff at the same time

Offline Guittarman03

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #51 on: January 18, 2010, 09:26:41 am »
Good journal man.  Are you eating any fruit/veg, even if it's something like 1 tomato per day?  If you're doing completely carnivore, you may have some problems, I know I can't go 100% carnivore, tried a couple times.  I can go quite a few days only meat, but around the 5 day mark I start to notice poor breath and lethargy.  Other people don't have any problems.

Are you getting plenty of raw fat.  I remeber as a kid I didn't like when my mom made pot roast, b/c it didn't take much until I felt sick b/c of all the fat.  I eat way more fat now than I ever did then and feel great, b/c it's raw.  I tried some cooked fat just a couple weeks ago (chicken leg quarters) and had the same yuck feeling. 

Also, I noticed stomach probs about 1 1/2 yrs ago eating a lot of ground beef.  I would go in cycles of being fine, and then loose stools.  When I switched to just steaks and ribs, I haven't had any problems since.  But other people seem to do fine on it. 

Solid numbers in the gym.  Keep at it. 
When you consume an organism it loses individuality, but its biological life never ends.  Digestion is merely a transfer of its life to mine.

Offline aunaturale

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #52 on: January 18, 2010, 09:43:18 am »
Good journal man.  Are you eating any fruit/veg, even if it's something like 1 tomato per day?  If you're doing completely carnivore, you may have some problems, I know I can't go 100% carnivore, tried a couple times.  I can go quite a few days only meat, but around the 5 day mark I start to notice poor breath and lethargy.  Other people don't have any problems.

Guittarman, why do you think complete carnivore diet doesn't suit you?
"The more I learn what is a man, the more I want to be an animal."

Offline jessica

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #53 on: January 18, 2010, 09:58:18 am »
hey donk
suck about your craving for coke i really hope you dont cave and go that way
honestly with what you have been through in life i am sure your adrenals are pretty run down and that is why you feel energetic then usual and also with the diet changes foods arent stimulants anymore, just fuel
i hope you are gentile with yourself and realize that life progresses and that you cannot look back and think "gee, i wish i had the energy i used to" without realizing that in the past you may have also been doing something or feeling something detrimental to yourself at the same time! it sucks but learning to reaccept yourself as you are will maybe help you realize you are doing progressively okay physically and even better mentally and that that is enough without making comparisons to the past which are not always the whole truth :)
also realize that while its been 4 weeks, its ONLY been four weeks, shit does not get undone that quickly..........anyway hope any of that helps

Offline PaleoPhil

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #54 on: January 18, 2010, 11:29:50 am »
Good journal man.  Are you eating any fruit/veg, even if it's something like 1 tomato per day? ....
I would be cautious about tomatoes, which are nightshades. There are other preferable veggies.
>"When some one eats an Epi paleo Rx template and follows the rules of circadian biology they get plenty of starches when they are available three out of the four seasons." -Jack Kruse, MD
>"I recommend 20 percent of calories from carbs, depending on the size of the person" -Ron Rosedale, MD (in other words, NOT zero carbs) http://preview.tinyurl.com/6ogtan
>Finding a diet you can tolerate is not the same as fixing what's wrong. -Tim Steele
Beware of problems from chronic Very Low Carb

Offline Paleo Donk

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #55 on: January 18, 2010, 11:13:53 pm »
Good journal man.  Are you eating any fruit/veg, even if it's something like 1 tomato per day?  If you're doing completely carnivore, you may have some problems, I know I can't go 100% carnivore, tried a couple times.  I can go quite a few days only meat, but around the 5 day mark I start to notice poor breath and lethargy.  Other people don't have any problems.

Glad you stopped by. I've switched to carnivore a couple times now from a diet with carbs and luckily have never noticed any problems with strength. I've never played any sports or have done much intense sprinting or conditioning work during this time so I can't say how my carnivory will affect them. I have been attempting to lightly run on the treadmill and have had to stop three times now because I felt a dull pain in my chest and really did not want to see where it lead to. I did do a few a sprints on the beach a few days ago just fine and will attempt to run today on the beach for a bit. Ideally I would like to test the effects of being completely raw carnivore on all my athletic endeavors. So far its quite inconclusive only that my strength still increases.

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Are you getting plenty of raw fat.  I remeber as a kid I didn't like when my mom made pot roast, b/c it didn't take much until I felt sick b/c of all the fat.  I eat way more fat now than I ever did then and feel great, b/c it's raw.  I tried some cooked fat just a couple weeks ago (chicken leg quarters) and had the same yuck feeling. 

Also, I noticed stomach probs about 1 1/2 yrs ago eating a lot of ground beef.  I would go in cycles of being fine, and then loose stools.  When I switched to just steaks and ribs, I haven't had any problems since.  But other people seem to do fine on it. 

Solid numbers in the gym.  Keep at it. 

Cooked fat has always been my favorite food ever since I was kid. It still is my favorite unfortunately and I've consumed a decent amount of it even these past 4 weeks. I was not eating much at all these last 4 weeks(somewhere around 1.5-2 pounds of meat a day) but have just decided a couple days ago to go ahead and eat as much as I felt like. I don't mind raw fat as it has almost no taste and will be ordering it soon. I don't like the taste of raw ground beef either and it tends to make me feel a bit nautious.

Offline Paleo Donk

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #56 on: January 19, 2010, 03:31:28 am »
J, you're probably on to something with my adrenals being burned out. I think I mentioned early on about the suffering I went through when playing poker - heres a little more.  Nothing ever has stressed me out like playing poker, ever, and its not even close. The pain I felt from losing is unbelievably intense and sharp and feels worse than hearing the news of a death. My addiction to poker would have me playing several hours where I would scream and yell almost non-stop nearly everytime I played. I was maniacal. I broke three separate lap tops with my bare fists and several other monitors, cell phones and other things. I felt completely run down after finishing a session. I could barely think when I was playing and did not care for anyone except myself. I would roll around on the floor when I lost, cry like an infant and bemoan my bad luck. I was a very sick soul. This probably absurdly taxed my adrenals. The pain was just so incredibly deep, its hard to explain. But its over now thankfully.

The last couple days have been slightly better, energy level probably at its highest level yet. I've never experienced detox but had an odd looking off colored bowel movement a couple days ago in which I felt great relief afterword. My bowel movements haven't been all that solid yet but at least they are pain free.

Yesterday was one of the first days where I think I craved raw meat. Unfortunately every Sunday we go to brunch together at an all you can eat buffet. The waffles and endless desserts still look very appetizing but weren't as much as a distraction as they were last week. I ate a little less food this time and perhaps I'll eat beforehand next week and so even further reduce my cooked food intake. I actually slept for a couple hours right after the brunch, so perhaps cooked foods are becominga bit harder for me to handle now that Im eating more raw?

I'm finding myself able to focus in on what I need to do more and stop concentrating on frivilous things such as boobs, or mirrors(i've always had this need to look at myself in the mirror), or cooked food. I'm letting the distractions pass through my mind much easier.

Also Phil, I think I'm going to reintroduce some fruit like berries when you do this summer. I do enjoy pretty much all vegetation but will keep it safe and simple at first. I'd rather not be carnivours if I don't have to but it makes some sense now in the winter time when vegetation would be scarce.

Offline van

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #57 on: January 19, 2010, 03:45:48 am »
Like reintroducing dairy back into one's diet by adding one additional tablespoon each day to enable what small amount of lactase digesting bacteria remaining to begin to flourish again,  may I suggest the same program. Each day add a berry or three to you get up to a small serving size, whatever that is. 

Offline Paleo Donk

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #58 on: January 19, 2010, 04:10:38 am »
Yea, I'll definitely try and avoid purging on them and hopefully by that time my self-control will be stellar so that I can slowly add them back into my diet.

Couple other things, I ordered 60 more pounds of slankers beef and lamb with some heart, tongue and marrow. Unfortunately they have run out of fat and are apparently using lots of it for the high-fat ground beef (damn you Lex!). The chuck and lamb were the fattiest thing I ordered last time so hopefully they will suffice.

One of the main reasons I lift is to increase functionality with respects to the sports I will hopefully be involving myself in. One of the better measures of athletic performance is vertical jump. I found a tape measure and found that my reach is 93" (7 feet, 9 inches). I found a basketball goal nearby and measured the rim to be just a hair below 10 feet. I warmed up, shot some hoops by myself for a bit and then did some jumping. At first I could only just barely get rim, but slowly I started a bit more height and peaked out at 4 inches above the rim.

Running Vertical  --   30-31"
Standing Vertical --     27"


I'd really like to be able to dunk a basketball which I've done before on a rim slightly below 10'. I'll need another 3-4 inches to have a chance. My best chance is to start my squats back up and keep improving my hang power cleans/snatches by another 20-30 or so pounds. I'm also only 5'10.5 :(

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #59 on: January 19, 2010, 04:44:48 am »
Couple other things, I ordered 60 more pounds of slankers beef and lamb with some heart, tongue and marrow. Unfortunately they have run out of fat and are apparently using lots of it for the high-fat ground beef (damn you Lex!). The chuck and lamb were the fattiest thing I ordered last time so hopefully they will suffice.
*Looks down at lunch of over a pound of Slanker's high-fat ground beef*
I have to take some of that blame as well. :P
On the bright side my butcher will have the good meat back in this Wednesday so I won't need to order from Slanker's again for a while. :)

It's good to hear you're doing well eating this way. I agree that adding some berries into your diet when it warms up again is a good bet. Best to hedge your bets and stay truly omnivorous if you can, IMO. Moderation is the key.

Offline Paleo Donk

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #60 on: January 19, 2010, 06:09:11 am »
It must be nice with butchers close by. Unfortunately, up here in NE Florida there aren't any that close. I checked eatwild.com which seems like the ultimate source for finding grass fed beef. Maybe there are others??? I called a couple looking for fat or suet but they were all out as well. I'm not sure the cuts of meat I got are going to have sufficient fat on them so this is a little worrying now that I think about it. I really want to try some raw suet as well. Brains too are on my "wish" list.

I'm not sure I believe berries will be part of moderation. I'm looking for optimality whatever it is and if it means refraining from vegetation then thats what I'm going to do. Its actually rather easy being a carnivore so I wouldn't mind staying like this anyway.

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #61 on: January 19, 2010, 07:39:18 am »
I can find marrow bones locally, they should be everywhere. Marrow is better than suet.

Offline Guittarman03

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #62 on: January 19, 2010, 01:33:05 pm »
aunaturale,

I've tried zc a couple times before.  The first time was 2-3 weeks.  My breath started to smell really bad, and then for the first time in my life, I developed cavities (purely by chance, I had a checkup a few weeks after my zc trial, but refused to have my cavities drilled/filled).  I also had bowel problems and low energy.  Adding just a few carbs - less than 30g - and my breath and energy immediately recovered; after year now, the dentist has confirmed that I no longer have dental carries, just a couple small indentations where they had gone down in the tooth some.  The other time was after at least 3 months of VLC, and I stopped after a week b/c my breath began to smell bad again.  I figured it wasn't worth it to try again, especially considering other people on the forum have had similar experiences.
When you consume an organism it loses individuality, but its biological life never ends.  Digestion is merely a transfer of its life to mine.

Offline RawZi

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #63 on: January 19, 2010, 02:00:08 pm »
I can find marrow bones locally, they should be everywhere. Marrow is better than suet.

    I get marrow more often; mostly because it can be smoother and I prefer the taste.  I wonder whether by the nature of suet getting so much blood flow past it, and it used to absorb or filter so much, whether it is really "clean".  Suet's less expensive too, so that's a plus on its side.  Suet is much more saturated, which many people find healthier, with good reasons.  Marrow has a less saturated fat, and lots of people say that's important healthwise.  I think it's a personal decision as to which one is better.

    I have not seen suet on the market shelf locally.  Is it in local markets?  Is it normally sold to industry rather than to food shoppers?
"Genuine truth angers people in general because they don't know what to do with the energy generated by a glimpse of reality." Greg W. Goodwin

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #64 on: January 19, 2010, 07:47:17 pm »
 

    I have not seen suet on the market shelf locally.  Is it in local markets?  Is it normally sold to industry rather than to food shoppers?

I always have to ask the butcher, but they never have much because the meat is trimmed before they get it. This is in a supermarket.
I get suet via the farmer that supplies the grass-finished beef, but since his cattle have almost no fat, he asks the butcher (small town), result is it's not from grass-finished cattle.

Offline wodgina

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #65 on: January 19, 2010, 09:02:13 pm »
You are seriously strong.

Good luck with staying off the drugs and alcohol, a month is a decent achievment.

“Integrity has no need of rules.”

Albert Camus

Offline jessica

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #66 on: January 19, 2010, 09:05:51 pm »
  I wonder whether by the nature of suet getting so much blood flow past it, and it used to absorb or filter so much, whether it is really "clean".

fat is nonvacillated so even though suet is near all of those organs i dont think it has much to do with filtering....maybe just storing of toxins, but i am not sure?   marrow is delicious and it is where blood cells are produced, i think in terms of cleanliness this would be the best bet

Offline PaleoPhil

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #67 on: January 20, 2010, 09:03:53 am »
aunaturale,

I've tried zc a couple times before.  The first time was 2-3 weeks.  My breath started to smell really bad, and then for the first time in my life, I developed cavities (purely by chance, I had a checkup a few weeks after my zc trial, but refused to have my cavities drilled/filled).  I also had bowel problems and low energy.  Adding just a few carbs - less than 30g - and my breath and energy immediately recovered; after year now, the dentist has confirmed that I no longer have dental carries, just a couple small indentations where they had gone down in the tooth some.  The other time was after at least 3 months of VLC, and I stopped after a week b/c my breath began to smell bad again.  I figured it wasn't worth it to try again, especially considering other people on the forum have had similar experiences.
That's interesting. I had exactly the opposite reaction. I'm baffled. On raw carnivore the painful hole in my tooth filled in and my bad breath went away. I was just noticing today that my underarm odor is essentially gone and my shirts don't smell at the end of the day--even if I sweated some. Don't know what it will be like in the summer, though.

I also noticed that my hair feels clean, full and soft when I wake up in the morning now--even though I still use shampoo (though it's a natural shampoo that contains coconut). Some people said that their hair got this way after they stopped shampooing, but for me it happened with raw carnivore even though I'm still shampooing (but I skipped the shampoo yesterday because my hair felt and looked so good--I think I'll try every other day for a while and just use tiny amounts of shampoo).
>"When some one eats an Epi paleo Rx template and follows the rules of circadian biology they get plenty of starches when they are available three out of the four seasons." -Jack Kruse, MD
>"I recommend 20 percent of calories from carbs, depending on the size of the person" -Ron Rosedale, MD (in other words, NOT zero carbs) http://preview.tinyurl.com/6ogtan
>Finding a diet you can tolerate is not the same as fixing what's wrong. -Tim Steele
Beware of problems from chronic Very Low Carb

Offline Paleo Donk

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #68 on: January 20, 2010, 10:21:41 am »
I had another good day yesterday and had the first feeling of mild euphoria late in the evening. I'm reading Cosmos by Carl Sagan(very good so far) and read faster than I had previously and had good energy right until I went to bed. I seem to feel much better later in the day between 7 and 10 p.m.  I also felt very strong last night and really felt like lifting but went ahead and waited for today.

Thanks for bringing up the marrow William, I actually bought 4 pounds of bones from slankers and so will be trying it out for the first time raw very soon. I'm really excited about this as I've always broken bones and even eaten parts of them in the past to get to the cooked marrow. I tried looking up nutrient values for it but couldn't find much. The USDA nutrient database has a little data on caribou marrow(wtf?). Aparently the fat is not as saturated and Delfuego found that it didnt give him as much energy as muscle or kidney suet. I'm still excited and am almost craving some right now even though I've never had it.  Theres a good chance I'm not getting enough fat right now. I'm thinking marrow from grain fed cattle would be almost as good as the pasture fed since marrow needs to be of high quality for life to sustain itself while muscle fat is rather useless in excess.

I haven't mentioned but I saw Phil posting about hygeine so I'll give you my thoughts. I rarely shower, even after I work out and don't really ever plan on using shampoo ever again. I do use some soap but just for the areas that nudists have trouble getting sun on. I also only brush my teeth once every other day. In rehab I brushed my teeth and washed my face twice a day. My teeth have never really bled after brushing but for some reason they did everyday in rehab. Today was the first day that there was no blood. My teeth feel pretty strong perhaps stronger than they were last month. I don't wash my face either, though have delt with lots of minor acne since puberty. Acne is still around and appears to be slightly less.

Also, about my hair, I noticed since I was 17 that my hair had started to fall out. I was extremely scared back then and even secretely bought some rogaine while still in high school. I only used it that one time. Somehow I still have hair all over my head though it has thinned out a good deal, though if its dark you probably won't notice it much. I was really excited to see so many people have positive results with hair with low-carb. I'm actually afraid to run my hands through my hair to see if any of it falls out but I'll try and keep tabs on it anyways. I do occasionally put coconut oil in my hair and it works very well and holds it exactly where it needs to be for an entire night.

I'm also going to bed around 1030 and waking up right around 730 almost every week night. I am dreaming more often and more vividly than I have in recent memory. I'm also rarely if ever waking up during the night, something I've always done.

I got about 20 minutes of sun exposure today on the beach. It was incredible, I haven't been in the sun in months and since I am fairly dark skinned I probably need a bit more sun than average. I'd like to get it up to at least an hour and should have no problem doing this as the cold weather seems to have passed.


Offline Paleo Donk

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #69 on: January 20, 2010, 10:37:02 am »
I also got in a good workout this afternoon. I felt very strong and energetic.

Overhead Standing Press
115x5
135x5
140x5
145x5 - Just barely got the last rep up

Between the last two sets I went and ran 3/4 mile on the treadmill to rest my shoulders. I had a good little run running the last 400 yards in about 1:20 or averaging a little above 10 mph. No dull chest pain and good energy.

Hang Power Clean
95x2
135x1
155x1
175x1
205x1
215x1
225xFx2


I was doing well and actually pulled 215 very high and slammed it against my chest hard. I think I would have gotten my first attempt at 225 but rammed the bar against my penis which hurt like hell for a couple minutes. My second attempt was just poor but I should get this soon.

Offline Paleo Donk

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #70 on: January 22, 2010, 09:23:07 am »
I've been a bit iritable, angry, though slightly energetic the past couple days. I'm earning almost nothing these days but luckily have a place to stay for free. I haven't spent anything outside of food and food for my car which is great and I'd like to keep it that way but still it would be nice to have some extra income to buy any and all the meat that I need. My health comes first above all and I will do what it takes to make it as good as it can get.

It crossed my mind to play a few hours of poker a week to supplement extra health expeditures. This idea flamed quickly when I flipped out completely when I used a borrowed gps to find the only whole foods in town. I couldn't figure the gps out and wanted to end its existence quite quickly. I even whined childishly in misery as this device had complete control over me. I am improving but clearly I'm still sensitive when things don't go my way. If this silly gps got me upset then poker is going to be 100's times worse.

So I found the whole foods (its 40 min away unfortunately) and got some grass-fed beef. I can even get some extra fat if I call in ahead of time. My 65 pound slankers order is coming tomorrow so I should be reloaded for the next month or so.

I have started looking into healing clays and charcoal thanks to the recent threads and will probably try these out some time in the future once I get more information. I don't mind trying alternative therapies as long as there aren't any harsh negative side effects from them and the worst that could happen is that I burn money.

I also looked into heavy metal poisoning and though it seems like there is a good deal of crack science there is a good chance there is some legitimacy about it. I found a professional looking site, melisa.org that apparently has the only true test for heavy metal toxicity. Looking at hair or urine isn't as accurate as their test. I might end up doing this if I don't feel like I'm improving several months down the road. It looks to be 2-300 dollars so nothing that I'm going to be rushing into.

I just counted and have 10 cavaties(dentists found 8 in one visit!) that I assume are filled with mercury amalgam. Supposedly this is safe but I wouldn't be opposed to getting them out if I knew it could be done safely. I've also chewed on countless pens and pencils my entire life having several pens exploding in my mouth and good amount of pencil wood and probably some lead eaten as well. I've also chewed on paper nearly every day as well for at least a decade. Tons and tons of plastic caps as well. Basically I've put a lot of potentially posionous things in my mouth for a very long period of time. I'm going to let my diet do what it does first (4-6 months) and then look into the alternative detoxes and other tests to see if I am further poisoned.

I have chewed just about nothing in the past month which is truly unbelievable as I chewed on something nearly every day. Occasionally a piece of raw fat can take over 30 minutes to chew but at least its safe.
« Last Edit: January 22, 2010, 09:28:31 am by Paleo Donk »

Offline Guittarman03

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #71 on: January 22, 2010, 11:10:20 am »
lol, it took me a while to remember not to chew on plastic stuff like pens. 
When you consume an organism it loses individuality, but its biological life never ends.  Digestion is merely a transfer of its life to mine.

Offline Paleo Donk

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #72 on: January 23, 2010, 09:20:08 pm »
I had to live through high-difficulty awkwardness yesterday when I went out with a buddy of mine from rehab and his parents. I've been spending a good amount of time with him and have talked to his parents a good deal. His parents are extremely nice and are the kind of people that make sure you are taken care of, especially during dinner time.  They took me out to dinner last month before Christmas when I was wasn't raw carnivore yet and spent a good 10 minutes talking about all kinds of different foods. I ordered a massive chocloate dessert which was the talked about longer than I cared to eat it.

I'd been anticipating the next dinner and even rehearsed in my head how the night would go. My friend's mom is one of those that helps in the process of conducting those huge epidemiological studies on cancers. I obviously think these studies are more or less an awful waste of money. Dr. Eades recently posted about one here- its pretty funny. I thought about the different chain of events that could take place leading to different catastrophies all at the dinner table.

Well, gladly nothing really happened. My energy seems to peak whenever I'm around his parents. I think I feel I have to be upbeat and charasmatic and so thats how I act. It feels pretty good actually.  Before we sat down I said in a very warm, clear and confident tone that I was on a very specific diet. Before I said what it was the mom assured me that she'd heard of them all and that I'd surely find someting on the menu that I could eat. I laid it out, so simply that I eat nothing but raw meat.

I was pretty nervous so I wasn't exactly paying attention to their reactions but I didn't feel threatened when I spoke out. I was immediately greeted with the usual atkins comparisons and that it wasn't complete. The mom even jabbed at me that I would be getting a heart attack and then added how she wouldn't be able to resist looking at other people eating foods that she couldn't. I didn't try and defend myself just kind of smiled and said I was experimenting with a new diet and that I would eventuallly add back in other foods.

I did explain that it was high-fat and not high-protein but I really, really would hate to go any further and explain in depth anything. These people are so incredibly nice, how I could I ever look into the sweet woman's eyes and tell her that everything she thinks of diet and disease is most likely wrong. So it kept it simple and just tried laughing the awkwardness away. I was on the verge of not ordering anything but they kept persuading me so I indulged in a 6 oz "rare as you can make it" steak. It was fantastic as usual and broke my streak of 4 straight days of all raw.

I don't seem to have trouble telling people I don't know about my diet, its generally people my parents age or older that I feel that I'm just breaking their souls by not eating the foods they eat. It's just something that I will get better at and I forsee myself down the road having no trouble standing up for what I am doing without having to ever go into an argument or getting defensive when I am challenged.

Offline Paleo Donk

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #73 on: January 23, 2010, 09:27:19 pm »
I did some yoga and lifted yesterday as well. I'm actually going to go to my first public yoga class in a couple hours. A litte nervous, I hope there aren't that many people.

1/22

Bench BB
205x4
225x3
245x4.5   -  spotter let me fail 5th rep but I expended way too much energy
250x1.5   -  nothing left here

Rows BB
115x5
135x5
155x5

I haven't done these in a while. I'm going to mix these rows, renegade rows, pullups and chinups for upper back work

Hang Power Snatch
95x3
115x2
135x1
145x1
155x1

New PR at 155. I might be pressing out at the top but I am catching these with very little dip in the knees.

Offline livingthelife

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Re: Round 2: From addiction to recovery
« Reply #74 on: January 23, 2010, 10:57:43 pm »
I don't seem to have trouble telling people I don't know about my diet ... standing up for what I am doing without having to ever go into an argument or getting defensive when I am challenged.

Another tactic is to keep it to yourself. If you are aiming for personality integration (as it seems that you are through your efforts to heal your addictions), you will have to reconcile your "place in the world" as well.

"You" are neither your role in relationships & society, nor the perceptions of others. Personality integration requires boundaries; enlightenment is the dissolution of the boundaries; but you can't do the latter without the former. Addiction is dependence on the external. To "break" addiction, you develop internally what you seek externally. Part of the challenge is realizing exactly what that is; the other part is the interior construction/deconstruction.

Give yourself the gift of some privacy. You are receiving a lot of help from others, which is fine, but you will have to develop your self-image independently if you want true healing.

It's brave and commendable to open yourself as you have. I'm just suggesting that you may want to use the diet as a healing tool psychologically as well as physically since nourishing yourself is the most intimate of acts and since raw paleo is unusual and bound to attract meddling attention.

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PS: I hope the yoga class went well. It's a great way to learn about yourself!

 

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