Journalistica

[KD]

A few nights ago, I was playing with my 3-year-old friend. I always let her take the lead... I mean, I always want to play with her toy kitchen set-up (when you put the little plastic "frying pan" on the "stove," it makes a frying sound!)
I tried to keep things simple, succinct.  You can have your journal back.

ok, I'm sold , lets have children.

---------------------------

Everything makes sense to me here, although I think you are adopting some of my sentence structure...the 4-D beings are speaking through you now! lol. If I am concerned about any other 'not people' it certainly isn't you.

I think that despite my interest in the unknown, magic, etc....when i'm communicating in forums or with peers that have no real deep-seated interest in such metaphysical things (not you!), i'm always thinking in terms of utility, value. For myself too sometimes. My experience is that alot of people I believe interpret some of this stuff poorly, to their detriment in terms of what is ultimately the most useful in dealing with reality. Some might employ it poorly by my definition and to their advantage and it doesn't really matter much then for them. My experience is that most people have a hard time accepting a full spectrum of reality, that they need to in-fact suppress the negative and employ a tremendous amount of 'judgment' in terms of what they put out and receive, which seems to be counter to the whole concept as I understand it.

I was living up above Harlem last year, maybe we passed each other by.

P.S. ...I'm a Boar Hunter.

---------------------------

My appetite seems to be on the up on some days and under-eating others.

yesterday
B: 6 pasture eggs,
L: 1 lb fatty chuck steak + 3 4" beef strait bones eaten with a 2 hour sun break in between.
Pre-D: 6 pasture eggs.
LateD: other 1/2 kidney + 2 short bison bones.

[Cinna]

ok, I'm sold , lets have children.

OK, let's. I'm so happy that you like to play toy kitchen, too. I will bake us fake cookies if you pretend-do the dishes.

Everything makes sense to me here, although I think you are adopting some of my sentence structure...the 4-D beings are speaking through you now! lol. If I am concerned about any other 'not people' it certainly isn't you.

Haha, I had already wondered about that... Your posts in general seemed to be making more sense to me, so I had wondered if I was understanding your language better. I didn't realize I was becoming more fluent and using KD-isms as well. My theory is that you are more newly human - you have been more non-human in your recent past incarnations. Thus, you weren't as accustomed to the density of this atmosphere so your body rebelled a little against the constraints/limitations of human physicality/existence on this planet. You are also very out there/brilliant and with your affinity to outer-space milieu, you must have a lot of alien in you - but you are very welcome here, I'm so glad that you're here.

I think that despite my interest in the unknown, magic, etc....when i'm communicating in forums or with peers that have no real deep-seated interest in such metaphysical things (not you!), i'm always thinking in terms of utility, value. For myself too sometimes. My experience is that alot of people I believe interpret some of this stuff poorly, to their detriment in terms of what is ultimately the most useful in dealing with reality.

I understand... and I agree that thinking in terms of utility and value is most appropriate - it makes sense, it flows downstream, it leads to least effort. As an Artisan with a Spiritualist Attitude (not to get Michael Handbook on you, although I did), the more metaphysical things are most useful to me in dealing with a human existence on Earth in this lifetime. As a Mature 6 with the Chief Feature Self-deprecation, I am def not totally free of self-judgment and employ whatever I can to continue being here without being on meds. They have their place, of course, but I gave them up a long time ago and much prefer homeopathy, flower essences, NET, past life work/clearing, et al., and now, RPD. I love flower essences - these kinds of things are more my speed - gentle, subtle, nuanced. I am also a 30/3 (totally) and my Mode is Reserved - combined with Mature 6 and Self-deprecation - no wonder it's so difficult for me to promote myself... I have my work cut out for me.  30/3 is all about expression and I have experienced so much unwellness growing up because of my lack/fear of self-expression.

The things I study help me cope here and not feel so much like a freak (although I might sound like one... whatevs, I don't mind). I tend to over-compare myself to others (Osho's online tarot has helped lessen that destructive tendency) and I gravitate towards wisdom that soothes my soul - things that make me feel like it's OK not to be like everybody else (not that everybody is alike), like I do have gifts, like I do have a purpose (and it's different from other people's - and that's a good thing).

My homeopathic healing helped me see how suppressing the negative stuff caused (causes) a lot of my existential distress and physical ailments. I still think sometimes that I should be more angry, bitchy, expressive, extroverted/social more often... perhaps I would be more authentic/integrated. But I really just want to be me, self-actualized, whoever she is. And happy, healthy, authentic, integrated, and expressive.

I am coming to accept (Acceptance happens to be my Goal, according to MH) that how I am could just be how I am and could possibly not be such a tragedy.  I don't appear to be "successful" to the outside world - or, rather, I don't feel very successful in the outside world (yet) - but I am still here, still alive, and do bring some joy to the people around me. That is my success.

I was living up above Harlem last year, maybe we passed each other by.

Ohhhhh... I wish. We could have been friends. I think we are though in a parallel universe.

[KD]

hmm, ok, tell me something I DON'T know. really...

heh. actually, although I'm familiar somewhat with the Michael teachings, and understand what you are saying, much of this is beyond my personal study. I was involved with someone that was very much into these things, and also put me in touch with this high grade intuitive (kind like an oracle so to speak) with the both of them pretty much having similar perspectives (on my condition). In some sense, it has shifted my goals into being very physical and sensory, particularly to balance this out. in lieu of any kind of spiritual ascension in the air for the coming future, I'm happy staying back and playing in the dirt. I like the dirty and the chaos, which is why I think I respond poorly to oversimplifications of ideas on health, the environment, politics, and other romantic notions etc...Certainly something to explore in future conversations between us for sure. I really don't have any other comments, other than RPD could work wonders in unison with other technologies for brain stuff, although perhaps - as a disclaimer - not a silver bullet or replacement for treatments for everyone.

I think I might have already broken our sacred bond. I had a wonderful evening with a young lady last night. My mind is somewhat blown. We ate some kind of tongue pate at a french restaurant that uses local food. I have had my little cooked experiments of meat and vegetables, but shit, this tasted like mother earth came in my mouth. I explained to chica somewhat about the diet, it was indeed a lot less awkward than I thought. I told her I was eating all kinds of organs and she said she wanted to eat organs. We have a lot of similar music interests and Italian horror movies and things and she is very sharp and confident. She kinda looks like a french Jessica Alba merged with a small deer. If I created/attracted her I did a good job. In terms of what is related to the diet, I certainly see myself making increasing compromises if this progresses. I had a split thought about whatever Fenchy sauce was on the meat until I realized ultimately how healthy the whole experience was for me.

overall I ended up eating very little all day.

B: 6 pasture eggs,
L: some butter I munched on at work ( I appear to be able to just eat anything these days like a robot)
Pre-D: 2 bison bones (1 largeish) + .3 lb beef liver
LateD: cooked tongue pate (shit was like 2 oz)

[Cinna]

In some sense, it has shifted my goals into being very physical and sensory, particularly to balance this out. in lieu of any kind of spiritual ascension in the air for the coming future, I'm happy staying back and playing in the dirt. I like the dirty and the chaos, which is why I think I respond poorly to oversimplifications of ideas on health, the environment, politics, and other romantic notions etc...Certainly something to explore in future conversations between us for sure.

I'm impressed, KD - you are really making use of your time and experience here.   I admire your approach to life - you play/live "human" better (or more courageously) than many more-seasoned humans...

I think I might have already broken our sacred bond. I had a wonderful evening with a young lady last night. My mind is somewhat blown.

Ohhh... Well, I say, great things for you must mean great things for me! Something inside me may have shifted very recently - an angel kind of suddenly appeared (literally, on Sunday) as a potential mentor - something I think I've been praying for for years, but kind of gave up on and forgot about. Not as exciting and alluring as a new beloved IMO, but in my case, I really need to be focusing on my career (and health/happiness), so this could be very good for me. It's still early to tell what this could really mean (the mentor for me), but I think your new lady friend is a wonderful, auspicious sign (for both of us).

We ate some kind of tongue pate at a french restaurant that uses local food. I have had my little cooked experiments of meat and vegetables, but shit, this tasted like mother earth came in my mouth. I explained to chica somewhat about the diet, it was indeed a lot less awkward than I thought. I told her I was eating all kinds of organs and she said she wanted to eat organs. We have a lot of similar music interests and Italian horror movies and things and she is very sharp and confident. She kinda looks like a french Jessica Alba merged with a small deer. If I created/attracted her I did a good job. In terms of what is related to the diet, I certainly see myself making increasing compromises if this progresses. I had a split thought about whatever Fenchy sauce was on the meat until I realized ultimately how healthy the whole experience was for me.

You did a really, really super awesome job.

[KD]

just as long as i'm not seasoning humans

soo....RPD journaling... [ feel free to continue your beautiful posts Cinna ]

I've been eating on the far end of the carnivorous business, without as much attention or goal of doing so. I think I had half a papaya a week and a half ago, and I tried some EVOO on some black liver that I had. I'm trying to eat more organs and less muscle meats.

I think I'm ending my two month stint of floor sleep. I seem to be having some allergy stuff which is bothersome. I havn't had seasonal stuff in almost 5 years since I did the basic diet cleanup but I've always had same/worse sensitivities since then to dust and mold. I was talking to a guy below me and he told me his actual room (in a 3 bedroom) is unlivable because of problems with mold and I guess sleeps in the living room. I was relating this to some co-workers and explaining that I felt more or less fine for almost a month but that I had indeed found some furniture in the trash that had been sitting out in the rain (and no doubt in someones flooded basement ) and was covered in black crap that I tried just wiping down paleo style with water. I was informed it was black mold. So long story short that is in the trash. I do feel like that must have just thrown me over the top of a underlying problem though. I figure until I address that I won't get out alot of the crap I've inhaled that easily. I think the first step is getting off the floor and get some air cleaners. Short of that I'm kinda clueless on how to clean the carpets. when I do pushups and things my hands smell like crap, so that must mean something.

Its interesting the people like Aajonus and others link bacterium/parasites/molds etc...in similar categories as things that break down matter, but clearly the ingestion of molds and dust that come from industrial products and even organic toxic waste from skin ( a large portion of dust) cannot be healthy...Interestingly, despite my butter bone diet I have next to no mucus, its more like a scratchy/sneezy thing, and sinus/gas pressure in my face area. It seems to be getting better on its own, prior to tossing my sunken treasure.

I'm also going through a cycle where my elimination is not so great. very regular and effortless still but kind of unformed. Other symptoms of note would be periodic (maybe once every 2 week) muscle cramps (usually in the legs). particularly with the dynamic massage work I am doing. I don't know if this is just crap moving around, the fact that i'm doing very strict VLC, or the salt conundrum ( I pretty much still never take the salt as I planed, I do not even enjoy it. ).

B: 6 pasture eggs,
L: .5 lb lamb + .25 lb raw butter
Pre-D: 2 bison bones + .3 lb beef liver + EVOO
LateD: 6 pasture eggs,

actually seemed to drop down in weight again (although after my last report I realized that was somewhat exaggerated and must have been more around 165) back down/up? to 162

took a break from exercising completely with the allergy stuff but came back pretty fiercely the last few days.

http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg45883/#msg45883

[Cinna]

just as long as i'm not seasoning humans

Maybe you are, maybe you're not... you never denied that humans are part of your diet.

soo....RPD journaling... [ feel free to continue your beautiful posts Cinna ]

Yeah... I should get back to my RPD journaling too...  

Yes, black mold does not sound good.   When you say "carpets," are you talking about carpeting or rug/carpet carpets? Also, why again are you re-introducing salt? Regarding the change in elimination, I would guess that it's your body adjusting to a bit of cooked foods, but I know you already thought of that.

So I really do have some journaling to contribute today... <innocent >

A couple nights ago, Friday, I finally bring some RAF (pastured ground beef) to work for the first time so that I won't be tempted by the yummy cooked food there. (I brought raw scallops once, but ended up going home right away and eating them at home.) So, it's after my show, I'm very hungry, but I'm hemming and hawing eating-wise... I'm confused and not sure what to do!

It's because it isn't just a work situation. It is also a social situation (post-show, I usually chill/eat at the bar where my bff is bartending) and a public situation - strangers, regulars, fans (j/k) and acquaintances milling about - and a restaurant situation (employees rarely bring food from home... although they do get sushi/pizza/mexican food from restaurants nearby sometimes). I'm not ready to dig in at the bar, so I grab an avocado (not fully ripe) from the kitchen and start eating in the dressing room/coat closet, with the door open (which opens to the registers and kitchen). I have the meat in a glass pyrex container with the dark blue lid - it's sitting on the only shelf towards the inside (back) of the dressing room/closet. I'm taking bites of meat, then spoonfuls of avocado at the doorway (I like to see what's going on). People keep asking me, "Is that all you're eating?! Half an avocado??"

I'm like, this is ridiculous. After all my talk about eating RAF out in the open, how hypocritical. So I grab my pyrex, little plate of avocado, and little plate of a little piece of cooked lamb chop that the hostess gave me and set it all down at the bar (it helps that one of the servers has settled into the dressing room and is on her cell). Then a regular comes up to me and starts talking to me because the men (including her husband) are having their apparently recurring debate in Greek on whether Alexander the Great was gay or not (she doesn't speak/understand Greek, but she knows enough key words to know what they're talking about). I rarely speak with her and I just can't bring myself to eat at that moment. I just focus on listening to her (while still being aware that I don't want to eat in front of her), admire (in my head) her faint Brooklyn accent - it is really pretty, and we discuss Greece, retirement, jobs, feeling passionate for the work versus hating the work, her son, etc. before I have to excuse myself to use the restroom.

By the time I come back (I really did have to go, it wasn't to get rid of her), I'm ready to continue eating. I keep the lid atop the pyrex - I feel more conscious about potentially disturbing any patrons who are there with good appetites. I'm not so worried about what people think of me as I'm sensitive to whether it could in anyway hurt business somehow? In the end, only three people are aware of what I'm eating - bff/bartender, her boyfriend (who tried a little bite of the ground beef!), and another co-worker (she is pesco-vegetarian, but is totally cool/supportive - I had no idea that the bff had already mentioned it to her).

As I mentioned, I usually eat at the bar, but I've also eaten at the back of the main dining room (when the night is winding down), the patio, or even the dressing room/closet. But usually (in pre-RPD/transitioning days) when I eat in the closet (with the door open unless I'm getting ready), I'm hiding myself from people - not what I'm eating from people. I look forward to getting really comfortable eating RAF anywhere, but I will probably vary where I eat at the restaurant (not always at the bar) depending on what I'm eating (possibly) and if my bosses aren't too keen on my eating RAF at the bar, that's cool, I can eat at the back of the dining room like an outcast. j/k... I don't mind a little privacy, but I usually want to gab with the bff... and I eat slowly!

So... eating RAF at work was trickier than I expected because I was thinking about what this server/boss/regular/customer might think. I understand better why it isn't always easy to eat RAF in front of people for whatever reason - I'm sorry, KD (and others), for presuming it was easy. For sure, in my head it's easy, but in real world application, "easy" gets tested... I don't mind grossing out my friends/co-workers, but I prefer not to gross out any customers.  I'm happy, still having fun with RPD and enjoying the lessons. That wasn't the worst part of my night anyway.  More later. Thank you, KD!

P.S. I ate the little piece of cooked lamb chop as "dessert" and I think it irritated my throat.

[KD]

Maybe you are, maybe you're not... you never denied that humans are part of your diet.

Yeah... I should get back to my RPD journaling too...  

well its really the poor quality feed that is holding me back these days.

Yes, black mold does not sound good.  When you say "carpets," are you talking about carpeting or rug/carpet carpets? Also, why again are you re-introducing salt? Regarding the change in elimination, I would guess that it's your body adjusting to a bit of cooked foods, but I know you already thought of that.

nah, it started before that, and the previous thing I had was some pork I think 3 weeks ago now. Its really been minor, the cooked experiments

Wall to wall.

So I really do have some journaling to contribute today... <innocent >

A couple nights ago, Friday...

yeah, I think the only problem is your assumption that it was easy. I mean the closet thing sounds a little extreme but I'd say do what you need to do for now. I've heard it suggested here that 'workers' (lol as opposed to kings and housewives?) eat one big meal a day. I eat at work regularly now, but I certainly try to be discrete other than leaving some mason jars out in the open sometimes. You can try making some kind of sauce ala RFLWD book. That should satisfy your culinary curiosities as well. Its funny about the avocado, as sometimes people are just bothered by eating so differently to the square meal model, the squares!. Its possible if you had a dish with raw meat in it (even though raw meat doesn't combine so well with too many plant foods) it would be less controversial. I'd stay away from the bar though...yeah.

----


the massage I got yesterday was super intense, I got my calves scraped with a spoon. It was suggested that I drink a gallon of water afterward because my muscles are so tweaked. I somewhat pffted but drank quite a bit and still woke up feeling like I had drank  a handle of whiskey in the Sahara. I'm somewhat concerned about this actually. It seems to be loosening up alot of debris and making my blood boil.
 I did 300 powerlifts yesterday as part of this sept 11 memorial. It seems a little lame, but I actually saw the buildings drop from Brooklyn, so the effort indeed had some symbolism for me.

http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg46066/#msg46066

things with chica turned into like the biggest nightmare of ever. seems to be kaput. my general outlook seems to be suffering.

[Cinna]

well its really the poor quality feed that is holding me back these days.

I hear ya!

Wall to wall.

Vacuum steam cleaner, maybe.

yeah, I think the only problem is your assumption that it was easy. I mean the closet thing sounds a little extreme but I'd say do what you need to do for now. I've heard it suggested here that 'workers' (lol as opposed to kings and housewives?) eat one big meal a day. I eat at work regularly now, but I certainly try to be discrete other than leaving some mason jars out in the open sometimes. You can try making some kind of sauce ala RFLWD book. That should satisfy your culinary curiosities as well. Its funny about the avocado, as sometimes people are just bothered by eating so differently to the square meal model, the squares!. Its possible if you had a dish with raw meat in it (even though raw meat doesn't combine so well with too many plant foods) it would be less controversial. I'd stay away from the bar though...yeah.

Yeah! The squares! Lol, the closet isn't actually as extreme as it sounds.   I was more trying to describe that it's not a huge dressing/changing "room." It's my perfectly situated sanctuary. At the doorway, I can look into the kitchen (and all the kitchen traffic, server gossip and foul language going on), see the front door (people coming and going) and even most of the bar. Take a step back or two inside the "room," and no one from the front door or front of the restaurant can see me. It's not unusual for me to eat in there (usually with the door open) out of convenience, if I'm in a hurry and/or I'm avoiding drunk fishermen/boaters/aggressive flirters - nothing against them, but I'm working here.   I haven't yet adapted to the one large meal thing yet, but I get what you're saying. Sometimes I'm at the restaurant until midnight, 1 am, 2 am... I don't eat much before I perform, so I'm so hungry afterwards.

Thanks for reminding me about RFLWD - I've barely cracked that thing open. Cuz I haven't finished the first book! For some reason, I'm going through a can't-sit-still-and-read phase... There's an AV potluck coming up in Marina del Rey on the 26th. I'll be on a 3-day Ensenada, Mexico cruise, so I won't be able to go to the potluck. But I can't wait to see AV in person! (Hm, how paleo will I be on the cruise! I'm still tempted by nonpaleo foods...)
 

the massage I got yesterday was super intense, I got my calves scraped with a spoon. It was suggested that I drink a gallon of water afterward because my muscles are so tweaked. I somewhat pffted but drank quite a bit and still woke up feeling like I had drank  a handle of whiskey in the Sahara. I'm somewhat concerned about this actually. It seems to be loosening up alot of debris and making my blood boil.

How can you tell that your blood is boiling? Or, what does that feel like?
 

I did 300 powerlifts yesterday as part of this sept 11 memorial. It seems a little lame, but I actually saw the buildings drop from Brooklyn, so the effort indeed had some symbolism for me.

Not a little lame at all... my sis was actually under the buildings (on the train) at the time. I just arrived in the Philippines... pretty surreal to "witness" it through the eyes of a different country. I felt so sad and alone because while the people there were so sympathetic, I felt like they couldn't really understand how I felt. But my dad seemed to understand. He is American too (became an American citizen, but born over there). I felt disconnected - like I needed to be back in the states, but I later realized that it was probably better that I wasn't.

things with chica turned into like the biggest nightmare of ever. seems to be kaput. my general outlook seems to be suffering.

  I'm sorry.

My sis recently reminded me, "They are all soulmates, aren't they? And healing angels... You will find the guy, just keep making yourself happy. I am being open to men again and also for the first time being open to actual dating. I am learning to just smile and accept men, as you have been able to do. Don't worry. It always happens when you least expect it, when you aren't looking, and when you happen to be involved with your own life. Just keep cultivating your beauty and your happiness."

[KD]

Yeah! The squares! Lol, the closet isn't actually as extreme as it sounds.  I was more trying to describe that it's not a huge dressing/changing "room." It's my perfectly situated sanctuary. At the doorway, I can look into the kitchen (and all the kitchen traffic, server gossip and foul language going on), see the front door (people coming and going) and even most of the bar. Take a step back or two inside the "room," and no one from the front door or front of the restaurant can see me. It's not unusual for me to eat in there (usually with the door open) out of convenience, if I'm in a hurry and/or I'm avoiding drunk fishermen/boaters/aggressive flirters - nothing against them, but I'm working here.  I haven't yet adapted to the one large meal thing yet, but I get what you're saying. Sometimes I'm at the restaurant until midnight, 1 am, 2 am... I don't eat much before I perform, so I'm so hungry afterwards.

Thanks for reminding me about RFLWD - I've barely cracked that thing open. Cuz I haven't finished the first book! For some reason, I'm going through a can't-sit-still-and-read phase... There's an AV potluck coming up in Marina del Rey on the 26th. I'll be on a 3-day Ensenada, Mexico cruise, so I won't be able to go to the potluck. But I can't wait to see AV in person! (Hm, how paleo will I be on the cruise! I'm still tempted by nonpaleo foods...)

yeah, I wasn't recommending the one meal thing as it is fairly impractical at least for me on such a restricted diet. even when I went off raw and tried Ori's warrior style diet (with cooked grains after meat) it was basically impossible to eat enough for an active person. Even two large meals was not working for me, and calorie wise, I seem to eat not a lot still even when satisfied this way. I found 3 medium sized meals, and starting and finishing of the day with a bunch of whole eggs to be the best solution for myself, although it always varies.

I actually havn't read either book in total, but if you have a copy I know there are a bunch of sauces and things that might look like cold Indian food .

How can you tell that your blood is boiling? Or, what does that feel like?

its just one of those things. I can tell when my body feels 'clean' or not. often I've very satisfied with being symptom free, happy and strong to stress over it, but I have to admit that I do feel more 'acid' than in raw veg days. What I mean in practical terms is sort of tense and testosterone heavy, more weighted instead of weightless and in varying degrees of toxic feeling although that shifts and goes away.

 I'm sorry.

My sis recently reminded me, "They are all soulmates, aren't they? And healing angels... You will find the guy, just keep making yourself happy. I am being open to men again and also for the first time being open to actual dating. I am learning to just smile and accept men, as you have been able to do. Don't worry. It always happens when you least expect it, when you aren't looking, and when you happen to be involved with your own life. Just keep cultivating your beauty and your happiness."

I think that is a great quote
seems I was overacting about chica, we hung out again and sorted things out...we shall see.

[Cinna]

yeah, I wasn't recommending the one meal thing as it is fairly impractical at least for me on such a restricted diet. even when I went off raw and tried Ori's warrior style diet (with cooked grains after meat) it was basically impossible to eat enough for an active person. Even two large meals was not working for me, and calorie wise, I seem to eat not a lot still even when satisfied this way. I found 3 medium sized meals, and starting and finishing of the day with a bunch of whole eggs to be the best solution for myself, although it always varies.

Yeah, I haven't been able to do the one or two meals... I eat as much as I can, but then get hungry again. I'm still just trying to get in more animal fat.

I actually havn't read either book in total, but if you have a copy I know there are a bunch of sauces and things that might look like cold Indian food .

Lol, funny. (I miss Indian food a little!) I do have both books... look so pretty with the other books on my shelves.  I am game to try more sauces, just have been incredibly lazy/overwhelmed. I've been kind of improv-ing random raw "accompaniments" with whatever few ingredients I have around, but nothing as dazzling as Lex threw together last night to show me how easy and super yummy it is to whip something up to add variety and/or to help me eat more raw meat/fat. It tasted so amazing, I think I could have eaten it with half a pound of meat (I usually only manage to eat 1/4 lb of meat at a time) or half a pound of anything. I realized that at this stage in the game, for me, transitioning - making something super tasty so that I do consume more fat and meat is more important than being 100% RPD and not eating enough. So for sure, I'm going to be playing more creatively with sauces - a la RFLWD and a la Lex-inspired.

Lex asked me if I liked bacon and we both agreed that bacon made everything better. I also offered that I used to feel that way about cheese - that cheese made everything better. He basically diced and cooked some pretty pure-fat bacon, added rendered fat to that, and stirred in a raw egg... He asked me if I liked Mexican food. I said, yes. So he added some (not a lot) of alfredo sauce (from a jar), some shredded cheddar cheese, and tapatio sauce. So greasy good, swimming in bacon grease and rendered fat, and I had no trouble eating it up. It tasted amazing and I think my body is def saying, "Please... feed me more fat. I want it. I need it." It was so much fun watching him create something so fat-full and unique. I was like, Lex, you gotta do your own "cooking" videos! He helped me make a $15 "$10 Jerky Maker" and I'm so proud of it. Lex told me that I would go home with jerky and he meant it. I'm "making jerky" as I type this.  OK, the Jerky Maker is making it right now. I'm also going to try dehydrating strawberries with it because Lex said that they were to die for. I must try... strawberry jerky. Lex is so awesome!

its just one of those things. I can tell when my body feels 'clean' or not. often I've very satisfied with being symptom free, happy and strong to stress over it, but I have to admit that I do feel more 'acid' than in raw veg days. What I mean in practical terms is sort of tense and testosterone heavy, more weighted instead of weightless and in varying degrees of toxic feeling although that shifts and goes away.

Interesting... and also makes sense.

I think that is a great quote
seems I was overacting about chica, we hung out again and sorted things out...we shall see.

Yeah... my sis is the pretty sage texter... Call me psychic or creepy, but I did intuit just that about you and chica! I even thought twice about posting the quote (from my sis) because I didn't feel that it would apply anymore at the moment - but I went ahead and posted it because the words may find their way to the right people and offer them some comfort and direction at the right time.

[KD]

I realized that at this stage in the game, for me, transitioning - making something super tasty so that I do consume more fat and meat is more important than being 100% RPD and not eating enough.

Well, pat yourself on the back because it seems to take forever for people to figure that one out. heh. At first I had no idea what you were talking about...That IS AWESOME you met with Lex. Such a great resource and sounds like a perfect way to get some of that fat in you . I don't pretend to understand all the mechanics of his research and experimentation but its certainly inspiring. I've constructed his jerky maker and it works fantastic. I havn't made any in awhile and the stuff I have I think went bad. I'm sort of fearful leaving it alone for 12 hr periods for fire safety reasons.


ok pretty eventful weeks.

still getting driven crazy by crazy girl. its fun/worth it. I had my first clear spirt in at least 4.5 years. gin and soda. ouch. it made me kind of headachey quick but I had such a good time hanging out at the bar and such and she tried to rip my pants off in the street. I ended up going home and eating later which was a bit odd to my stomach.

I majorly injured myself doing that 300 powerlift 9/11 thing. Teddy already gave me an earful about it. I don't want tot hear it! lol. I actually think alot it was also that I'm doing this massage stuff which seems to release all kinds of old matter. My main suspicion is in the fact that it did not start immediately after the workout. 36 hrs after the event my spine, rt. kidney, and rt. ass area got all numb and pinchy and escalated to the point where from 2am-8 am I was like writhing and crying like a baby and vomiting on the ground.

So its been pretty shit hobbling around but I think considering, its actually healed quite fast. I should be back int he gym at the end of the week. I do feel overall better from the experience, and my elimination has actually got better again. still a little nauseous. wish I had more high meat left or in the works.

Lack of working out and other stress (girl, work and family drama) has made my appetite go down and I've actually felt some physical anxiety (palpatations) which is no fun. I've lost even more weight, which brings me down to only slightly below my avatar, but I look thinner for sure.

I've been eating a pretty good range of crap.

beef kidney, beef liver, grass-fed fat trimmings, bison and beef bones, 75/25 specialty ground buffalo, slankers lamb, raw butter, swordfish, scallops, dulse, had a few avocados, sauerkraut, did a week w/o eggs and am back on around 6 per day. had some wild blueberries yesterday

I washed my hair with some egg whites, was beginning to finally look a bit crapola. now it looks to soft. probably be playing around with this.
-------

mmm get me some of that strawberry jerky

[KD]

http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/hot-topics/after-sex/30/

Try ejaculating 3-4 times in one sitting, and the exaustion will probably rear its head then. Im sometimes not too drained after one, depending on my arousal.

I think 2 at night and 2 in the morning would be pretty good standing for me. I think I've had sex 3x in a row sometime on a extremely rare occasion, and just remember my balls feeling drained. on the proper end of things, I think there is probably some benefit to internalizing orgasm and other such qi practices or even vasectomy, but I find that proper diet seems to lessen any 'damage' by constant screwing whereas SWD seems indifferent (when one is young I assume) and vegan diet very draining to have sex regularly.

In the spirit of accuracy, let me remove the word 'rare' from my previous comment


 
 
 

[KD]

feeling pretty good now that I'm back exercising and seemed to pass whatever weird stuck energy thing I had. I've dropped more weight from the whole ordeal which is kind of a drag, but still look greek-godlike according to girly. @ 155 my build isn't drastically different but my waist is like non-existent and my abs are showing. not too shabby I guess other than my face being a little thin. Included some shots of my increasing vascularity. not much to brag about but its a big difference from my cloudy skin just 8 months ago or so. you can see translucency more pronounced in other places like shoulders and neck which in addition to moderate->high energy levels leads me to believe i'm kicking some fungal ass out the door.

so I'm shoveling more food down as of yesterday
L:<1 lb of super fatty skirt steak from Slankers with > .5 lb raw pastured butter
pre-D pre workout: 6 eggs
D: 2-3 small buffalo bones + >.5lb custom super fat ground buffalo from WF

I drank a strongbow cider at a bar and on a separate occasion had another cooked meal with chica. Made it paleo fancy American style with New Zealand lamb hamburger and pastured 100% pork hotdogs, mushrooms, thee kinds of peppers, green beans, raw sauerkraut and a hydroponic salad with avocado and fresh figs ( I didn't eat the figs) . other than that its been all raw for me. I had bought some organic potatoes to make for her but I didn't get around to it. I'm thinking of trying to do some kind of carb cycling this winter, so I might try baking some of these guys soon to see how I feel.

having leg cramps again so whether its some kind of adjustment or not I'm doing the salt brine again, but not salting food.

http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg48195/#msg48195
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg48056/#msg48056

[Cinna]

Well, pat yourself on the back because it seems to take forever for people to figure that one out. heh. At first I had no idea what you were talking about...That IS AWESOME you met with Lex. Such a great resource and sounds like a perfect way to get some of that fat in you . I don't pretend to understand all the mechanics of his research and experimentation but its certainly inspiring. I've constructed his jerky maker and it works fantastic. I havn't made any in awhile and the stuff I have I think went bad. I'm sort of fearful leaving it alone for 12 hr periods for fire safety reasons.

Hey KD, I'm still taking a break from the forum but had to make a few of my favorite stops.   Oh thank you, I did pat myself on the back after I read your post (oh, and I pat myself on the back again just now). Lex was fun to be around because he has a more whatevs attitude - that helped me take a ton of pressure off myself, thank goodness/Lex. He is very like how he writes - straightforward, straight-up common sense smart, dry sense of humor. He had me laughing. I also appreciated that he treated me just the same as I think he would a seasoned-RPDer... not that he would treat people/anybody different, but I guess I mean that it felt good because I didn't feel like he respected me any less just because I was/am a newbie and carb/sugar addict. He is a natural teacher and I felt special. He has been where I am now, so that made me feel better too.   I never saw him sit down once in like five hours (except briefly on the couch at the beginning)... hm, maybe it's because I took his chair?? 

Haha - I swear, life is not complete without a crazy girl by your side! Congrats, lucky boy!

I majorly injured myself doing that 300 powerlift 9/11 thing. Teddy already gave me an earful about it. I don't want tot hear it! lol. I actually think alot it was also that I'm doing this massage stuff which seems to release all kinds of old matter. My main suspicion is in the fact that it did not start immediately after the workout. 36 hrs after the event my spine, rt. kidney, and rt. ass area got all numb and pinchy and escalated to the point where from 2am-8 am I was like writhing and crying like a baby and vomiting on the ground.

OK, yeah... I'm not going to give you an earful about that because PD already did... And I didn't give you an earful about it before because obviously I'm totally ignorant about powerlifts and the significance of that many of them. I do also think it was the massage stuff that released old stuff... Wow, congratulations! I think you really processed a ton with the massage, writhing, crying, and vomiting... not fun, but now that it's passed, good for you!

Where did you get your specialty ground buffalo? I'm allowing myself to indulge in and fully enjoy organic roasted japanese sweet potatoes with lots of raw butter because I love it and it treats me FAR BETTER than the Haagen-Dazs bars, ice cream, donuts, pastries and other uninspiring foods that I've been known to turn to when I try to push RPD too hard. The good news is, during the cruise (and really seeing how abundant junk food is), I still enjoyed myself and desserts (but only if they were to-die-for - I had my friends try them first and report to me), ate mostly cooked paleo, and am calmer about food and eating in general.

Timing has been perfect. Seeing Lex mid-September, going on the cruise - a bellydance cruise no less (although I was under the weather and had the worse case of insomnia so actually didn't make it to any workshops ) - so I'm also more motivated with my work/art than I have been in forever, a show coming up with a renowned musician, a legend in the field - I might be a featured performer and omg, I am sooooooo freaking out and excited/nervous, so a lot of exciting things, perfect timings, still processing a lot of things, and I have a lot to do and study... I'm such a "lazy" artist, honestly, and I think it's partly because I'm afraid that I can never really be great, but I kind of know that it shouldn't be about being "great" or "the best."

I also want to do my art because I love it, because it's part of me, because I can't help it, because it makes me happy - not just because I want/need to be recognized and approved of and adored and worshipped (that would be nice though). I'm just super appreciative that my eating is calmer, that I'm more motivated to work on my craft, and that RPD works well for me when I do eat RPDly. I was worried that I would flip out on the cruise, go crazy and binge on sugar and carbs, and do myself in, but it was really awesome. The cruise had the opposite effect... I saw that there will always be plenty of sweets/pastries in the world if I really really need them (so I can afford to be super choosy and I deserve to eat only the most amazing, must-have treats). Haha, in addition, it's extremely hard to feel deprived when you can eat nine times a day plus free room service.   I need to know that I can still "treat" myself or else I freak out.   So my treats this week are the japanese sweet potatoes (amazing) and wild blueberries (frozen) with raw cream. Next couple of weeks, treats will be something else... Aw, that makes me so happy!

So the sugar/carb addiction is very calm and dormant now and I'm feeling more balanced, so I'm not worried - I'm getting better at forgiving myself and recovering more quickly. The forgiving part/unconditional self-acceptance is most essential. I'm def being less strict/stringent, which has brought me a lot of peace - which motivates me even more, even though I'm not being "perfect." So it's nice to see you incorporating a bit of alcohol and cooked foods here and there because you're having fun, enjoying life and food and company, and celebrating new people, new seasons, new experiences. OPA!

I'll try to pop in every once in awhile, but this break has been really good for me. I gotta get back to my stuff and working on myself - I am still developing my Greek goddess likeness and have a lot of catching up to do.    

Keep up the awesome job.

[KD]

hey miss you cinna. hope all is well.

WF grinds the buffalo, you just ask them to run the fat through the machine apparently. The stuff comes out looking like fatty snow on a carcass, far different than any 80/20.

cool to hear about the cruise. was it the Lynyrd Skynyrd  cruise? )

glad you got some goings on with your passions, I know that is what drives me and makes this diet stuff worth doing in the first place. Sometimes its a drag to make both things work together particularly when they involve other people, but it sounds like you are doing just fine with your choices.

I've been eating some raw veg and some cooked food and such here and there in an effort to put on some vanity pounds then anything else. I'll eat 2-3 raw meals and then a little over an hour or so after the last I can slam down a bunch of clean cooked fare and avocados, works like magic and I do enjoy the heavy feeling sometimes..and the taste I admit. Except I can't mix butter with cooked food, makes me gag except I guess the amounts normal people use. I actually seem to have very limited symptoms so far, some mucus (which worth noting I never get from lbs of raw cultured pasture butter every week) and a little more need for sleep. for me it tends to slow down any kind of cleansing reaction too of course. I never really transitioned much from a standard diet, but I imagine it can be useful this way as well, the only problem being any kind of digestive acclimation and such.

anyway in a wierd way even tho the raw/cooked veg and cooked meats tend to make one a bit more sluggish, this phenenomena seems to counterbalance it out...I really ripped it up at the gym today doing 100 thrusters (explosive full front squat to push press) and 100 ring pushups (hard for most folks cept speciality for moi) in 18+ mins. with a time limit of 30 min!

http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg50311/#msg50311

heres a few more shots. I have a blow up on my neck showing my wicked vasculeh jugguleh (boston accent)

[Cinna]

hey miss you cinna. hope all is well.

Awww... thanks, doll - I truly appreciate it.

I'm stopping by because I had a most brilliant idea and I just had to share it in my journal! ...that's right - your journal! (That's what I said... "I just had to share it in your journal!")

I noticed that for some reason, I don't really ask for advice or help on this forum (while I will ask simple questions). It has nothing to do with me thinking that I don't need advice or help... I seem to prefer gleaning advice/help/tips by reading other people's posts/responses. I suspect that it has to do with the part of me that tends to insist on being self-sufficient, autonomous, etc.

But - I also really enjoy doing things that I don't normally do. So, I'm going to discuss/propose/do two very uncharacteristic things here:

1. I'm going to ask for something.
2. Instead of waiting to do things until I've achieved this or that so that I have the confidence, blah blah blah, I'm going to proceed (starting tomorrow - I need a day to mentally prepare myself) AS IF - basically, I'm going to "fake it until I make it." I believe "faking until making" works - I just never practice it.

OK, this is the idea. I have a goal. I want to achieve it, but the reward of achieving it doesn't seem to be enough motivation for me. This is where you come in. I feel that I am more likely to achieve my goal if one of my incentives is a reward/surprise/token of congratulations from you - and/or any good friend from the forum who wants to support. (Yes, even as I type this, I think I am brilliant and insane at the same time.)

So I think the reward should be a surprise - that adds to the excitement. And it doesn't have to have great/any monetary value. It could be a mixed cd; a trinket that has some significance; a cool button/magnet/whatever - just something way better than a used bandaid, please. What would you get in return? My heartfelt appreciation - and I would reciprocate if you have some goal, any goal - whether fitness/health/career/personal development/overcoming karaoke fears/whathaveyou - that you think the anticipation of a little surprise treat/reward would help motivate you. The cool part is, even if I were disappointed by my surprise (just a hypothetical), at least I achieved my goal!

But - if you were to accept my request (I'm not sure what to call it yet), you would only do so if you supported my goal and thought it was doable, not totally unsafe, etc. And say, for example, I got ten people backing me - imagine how much more motivated I would be if I were anticipating TEN surprise treats! I don't know if it's sad that I have to bribe myself with gifts from people I've never met, but I'm willing to try things that might work... And one of the best feelings in the world is receiving a little package in the mail and not knowing what's in it (that is, receiving it from a friend and knowing it has good-intention contents in it).

I believe this idea could also work without necessarily stating the actual goal or details, but the details would probably earn me more support. So, as you know, I wouldn't normally ask for anything, but even at the risk of feeling exposed, I'm willing to see what happens. Basically, I weigh 10-15 lbs more than I need to and I would like to lose it by Dec. 31st. If you would like to encourage me to meet that goal (and you find it realistic and safe), just say you accept my request and send me some interesting reward once I've achieved my goal. (Believe me, I've never done anything like this and I'm usually not very goal-oriented.) If you decide to reject my "request/goal," please do so by PM or just ignore this post (so people will think that you accepted my request/goal by PM and I can pretend that I haven't embarrassed myself on the public forum).

I'm offering this proposal/idea to KD and others on the forum that I've had some rapport/exchange with - no offense to others, I just feel more comfortable giving out my mailing address to those I've connected with already (just PM me if you want to send me something special and thoughtful).   Also, I'm still taking a bit of a break...

So part two - faking it. What I'm going to fake until I make it is self-confidence. It doesn't come easy to me - I think it partly comes from grade school... I got good grades in grade school (but not h.s.) and I was shocked when I found out that some kids thought I was stuck up because of it. I found myself downplaying my intelligence. So part of me fears that people won't like me anymore and will think/speak poorly of me if I'm confident, or competent, or believe in myself - how sad (while I realize at the same time that people love confident people and I shouldn't care what people think about me).

So I just want to see what happens if I proceed AS IF I am as wonderful/talented/beautiful as people say I am. The main reason why I want to do this is because I believe my career could be very different and amazing if I believed what others believe about me (well, the good stuff - like, what if it's true?) and I was just willing to believe that I could be a great artist. And I keep seeing over and over and over again but haven't quite "learned" is how confidence is almost everything. Even with excess weight, I've been able to perform confidently and I'm getting just as many, if not more compliments now... and much of it is just because of the confidence that comes with experience - I know enough to know that I can be a rad-ass performer NOW without losing any weight - just as long as I believed it. This also ties in with my goal - the weight loss and getting in shape is part of my livelihood/profession/art and instead of just faking confidence when I perform, I'd like to exude confidence in all non-performing aspects of my career.

<sigh> I'm kind of scared to do this part two experiment, but I think it would be good/interesting for me and if everyone accuses me of being a monster egomaniac at the end, I could just say, "Haha, just kidding! It was an EXPERIMENT." So I'll start that tomorrow and I plan on doing it until the end of the year (basically just encourage myself, build myself up, proceed as if I've already achieved what I thought I needed to to feel confident, etc. without waiting for others to build me up from the outside). This is just a personal project - there is no specific goal (just something to work towards and observe results), so you don't have to send me a reward for this one.   And just to warn you - starting tomorrow - if I stop by the forum and I seem like a different person, please don't hate me. I'm just trying to unleash a bit of the inner cocky person that resides in everyone.

OK, back to the business of fun - thanks again for indulging me. I'm so proud of your continued experiments and success!

P.S. No one bother asking for current "before" pictures... I have a really strong feeling that you're not gonna get those...

P.P.S. Regarding the part two experiment, starting tomorrow, I'm just going to "be" (who I think I would be if I had what I believe that I lack). In other words, I may not keep talking about the experiment or refer to it. I'm not sure yet.

P.P.P.S. "...like fatty snow on a carcass" - very poetic... My WF only has grain-fed and grain-finished buffalo (I think).

[ForTheHunt]

Damn KD, you have an impressive build

[KD]

1. I'm going to ask for something.

if and only if you make your goal, I guarantee you I will send you something you will enjoy. Something I make myself that is unique. capiche?

Damn KD, you have an impressive build

thanks, I like to bitch sometimes about my weight and such but I feel like I am making good progress overall. I'm not even all that athletically motivated or whatever by nature, but I am involved a few days a week at my CF gym and doing some other kinds of things and have no choice but to bike everywhere. I'm still sort of buzzing right now about destroying those ring push-ups. I guess being thinner..uh efficient..than most grunts has its advantages at times.

[KD]

I did a Slankers order yesterday for the first time in awhile and had a funny chat with the operator or whatever. I tend to like eating mostly locally sourced muscle meats, so the things I tend to get from Slankers I guess are pretty odd and in odd quantities. He said I sounded like a pretty healthy eater and seemed inquisitive in general. Still been experimenting with all kind of foods. Not my first time trying this stuff of course, but I've picked up a variety of funky mushrooms, a few different types of sea vegetable in addition to the dulse I keep on hand, some hydroponic cucumber, florida avocado, some various herby lettuce type things like watercress and arugula, and cooked a few different types of meat and seafood and vegetables. Today I had a papaya. Seemed to go much better than last time I tried this 5 mo. ago or so.

I now feel more comfortable that if I travel and so forth I can bring along a cooler and compromise with friends to some degree int he evenings for at least a few days to a week I guess and suffer not too many consequences. Other than that my meals have been pretty bare-bones in the daytime, bone marrow from bison, some buffalo sirloin, some raw fish, raw butter, some ground meat I eat at the bus stop when I'm too sore from the gym to bike home from the store etc...and some of this:
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/off-topic/what-are-you-eating-right-now/msg50842/#msg50842



http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg50843/#msg50843

[Cinna]

if and only if you make your goal, I guarantee you I will send you something you will enjoy. Something I make myself that is unique. capiche?

Super righteous far out awesome. Thanks so much, KD!

...and some of this:
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/off-topic/what-are-you-eating-right-now/msg50842/#msg50842

You're hecka brave - that pic took a bit of my breath away.

I actually had some raw lamb souvlakia at work last night. I wasn't going to eat at all, but my bartender BFF insisted on scoring me some raw lamb from the ref. It was late, I told her not to, but that is how awesome she is and how much she loves me.   I didn't eat it over where her sister's vegetarian friend was sitting, but I ended up eating it under an aqua neon sign - so with the weird lighting, you couldn't even really tell that it was raw. It was sneaky and fun and yummy.   Before I sat down, my friend said, "If anyone asks, just say it's medium-rare..." Nevermind that the kitchen had closed awhile ago. She is my hero. <3

I ended up letting the dude sitting next to me have a couple bites (in his own way, he was damn near raw paleo without realizing it and he wanted to try the lamb), so it was almost like sharing a raw meal with another sentient being other than my cat. (I haven't been out for sushi with another human being in a long, long time. I've been promised some RAF dinner dates by some men who are taking their time... I'm patient and not holding my breath.)

The raw lamb allowed me the strength to later catch up with BFF and company bar-hopping downtown (I didn't drink). BFF hadn't gotten back to me about their whereabouts when I got to Main Street, so I self muscle-tested which bar they were at and I was right.

Yamas!

[Cinna]

Damn KD, you have an impressive build

Thanks, FTH! Oh, you meant KD...

cool to hear about the cruise. was it the Lynyrd Skynyrd  cruise? )

Wait... I don't get it.

[KD]

Thanks, FTH! Oh, you meant KD...

Wait... I don't get it.

I'm beginning to think this is like that movie where everyone starts dieing and then they find out slowly that they are just personalities inside some killers head! I'll be Ray Liota.



I don't know, I've been on this Lynyrd Skynyrd thing ever since this guy came into my work who was a roadie for the new Lynyrd Skynyrd. he actually informed me that not only was the band named after their high school gym coach with the name Lynyrd Skynyrd. that this guy that I met indeed had pictures taken with the same Lynyrd Skynyrd recently. A few days later I came across info on the Lynyrd Skynyrd cruise-line while looking for info on the Grateful Dead cruise line. Sorry for leaving out the back-story, i just think the very idea of being on a boat with the remaining member of Lynyrd Skynyrd and whoever would go to such a thing is quite hilarious in itself.

I ended up letting the dude sitting next to me have a couple bites (in his own way, he was damn near raw paleo without realizing it and he wanted to try the lamb), so it was almost like sharing a raw meal with another sentient being other than my cat. (I haven't been out for sushi with another human being in a long, long time. I've been promised some RAF dinner dates by some men who are taking their time... I'm patient and not holding my breath.)

Yamas!

I think connecting to a variety of other people with this stuff is going to be key for you, I certainly have not mastered it myself. I hope some hunky guy treats you to some fatty mackerel.

bloody Yamas!

[Cinna]

I'm beginning to think this is like that movie where everyone starts dieing and then they find out slowly that they are just personalities inside some killers head! I'll be Ray Liota.

You are Ray Liotta!

I don't know, I've been on this Lynyrd Skynyrd thing ever since this guy came into my work who was a roadie for the new Lynyrd Skynyrd. he actually informed me that not only was the band named after their high school gym coach with the name Lynyrd Skynyrd. that this guy that I met indeed had pictures taken with the same Lynyrd Skynyrd recently. A few days later I came across info on the Lynyrd Skynyrd cruise-line while looking for info on the Grateful Dead cruise line. Sorry for leaving out the back-story, i just think the very idea of being on a boat with the remaining member of Lynyrd Skynyrd and whoever would go to such a thing is quite hilarious in itself.

Well KD, it was the Lynyrd Skynyrd-bellydance cruise... are you making fun of me?

I think connecting to a variety of other people with this stuff is going to be key for you, I certainly have not mastered it myself.

In Saturday night's case, the dude is not my new RAF friend because he killed it when he wanted to connect with me further - in ways that I thought I had made politely clear, homegirl don't play that. I truly appreciated connecting unexpectedly (and surprisingly) with a fellow RAFer and paleo personality, said my thanks/goodbye, and got escorted to my car by a real gentleman/dear friend.

I hope some hunky guy treats you to some fatty mackerel.

bloody Yamas!

Yeah, 'bout time... I mean, look at me - last time I checked, an adorable koala sitting in a little tub of water was irresistible.

[KD]

Sorry that particular thing did not work out. I certainly know the feeling when you hope that just because you have things in common with a person, the expectation for everything else to click. Perhaps I'm speaking mostly to myself here, but as I said before I'm getting confused who is in whos head. you certainly should be in the right area to meet a healthy guy. Its like a smokey coffin here. Someone online posted a rather generalizing - but funny- triangle diagram about women which probably has a similar correlation in men...anyway on each respective corner was attractive:intelligent:emotionally stable, and it said pick two. I guess its hard for anyone to have the whole package. These days I just hope I can do my thing without making a big fuss. I met another person here that was turned on by me eating dog food. hopefully this inspires Ioanna

---

my diet has been pretty eccentric lately. I bought 7 dozen eggs from the farmers market on Sat and they are already almost all gone...will be tomorrow. (this is not typical) I also since sat ate 2 packages of marrow bones containing 4:4 -5" bones each. >2 lbs of raw butter, an entire pack of ground organ dog food, 2 more lambs tongues, some raw chicken,a  2lb pack of high fat ground beef and probably 2 more lbs of muscle meat, 4 avocados, 2 organic grapefruits, a red headed Boston lettuce, cooked: chicken, pork, eggs, okra, trumpet mushrooms, and some token amounts of raw laver seaweed, dulse, raw honey, and sauerkraut. Then gave myself a pedicure and tortured a small dog

I mentioned in the workout thread that I was going to join a golds type gym instead of crossfit. turns out a I got a discount at cf for an unlimited membership, so I'm going to try and go an hustle as much as I can for one month before hibernation and gym ratness.

http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/off-topic/what-are-you-eating-right-now/msg51923/#msg51923\
http://www.rawpaleoforum.com/exercisebodybuilding/today%27s-workout/msg51918/#msg51918

[KD]

I miscalculated on some of those figures. I had just finished off the last carton of eggs today, but I think 2 of the days I either had none or very few..so 7 dozen still went down heavy. also the butter I had calculated from when I got it Thursday, and forgot I ate 1lb up in a day because I was stranded somewhere with nothing else to eat so it was only 1 lb bet sat and tues. Have I mentioned I actually loathe the taste? partiuclarly when its good quality. I'm still downing bone marrow, can't get enough - literally, and moving towards a mostly organ meat/fat diet. Other than butter I've decided that anything with a unique taste is better than anything basically taste-less like pre-frozen ground meat, not to mention the advantage in nutrients and cost. I must have had .75-1.2.5 lb of organs every day this week. had a couple more types of vegetables and things the last few days.  pears, and some cranberries as well. I'm back up to ~165 which means I gained 10 lbs (technically gained back weight I had lost over a 1-2 month period) in less a few weeks. Maybe i'll finally hit 170 which ive never done eating raw. People are starting to comment at my gym that I move really quick and so forth. Not much else, prepping for winter, and already don't want to live without sunshine anymore. I succumbed to ordering Vit D softgels. Maybe i'll finally experience some constipation on this diet.


just posted a bunch of pics in that hunter gatherer exercise/physique thread.

Heres one I left out because it was pretty much exactly the same

but with a hat!

also here is my jaw


---

also that manicure/dog torturing bit is from American Psycho, it people didn't get it instantly.