Dear Friends!
I apologize that I went missing. Things did not come around as they were expected and I didn’t have any opportunity to update my Journal. But I really missed you. Now I’ll try to catch up on all events.
Finally I saw the old year out. 2008 was by a country mile the hardest year in my life. Yes it was much more difficult, painful and distressing than 2006, when I lost my mom, my physique and my health in general. But I still cherished a forlorn hope for recovery.
January and February were bitter, titanic struggle. I was making every effort to at least put on hold my rapid decline by adjusting my supplement regimen and refining my diet. I was trying to understand how particular food or pill affected me and draw appropriate conclusions. I was upping my adrenal support, lowering thyroid and vice versa. I was increasing and decreasing my carb intake while looking for the least offensive sources. I was experimenting with digestive enzymes and Betaine HCL. But I got nowhere. I was chasing lost, hopeless cause.
This past winter was definitely the worst winter I have ever had. No matter how many clothes I wore I was still horribly frozen… I can’t describe accurately enough how it feels to experience such torturing coldness. It is just unbearable and brutal. Even now, when outside temperature reaches 35 C [95 F], I am dressed in a jacked. For such odd behaviour I was arrested by police yesterday. They obviously have failed to discern real causes
At the end of February I took a big decision. I left my job. Acute symptoms persisted and I couldn’t perform my duties anymore. In fact, I could barely get from home to office and back. It was an uphill task for me. There were no alternative. I just was sanking deeper and deeper into my misery.
Then I put all my remaining strength into finding a specialist/doctor who could have helped me. I came prepared at each visit. Whenever I was given an opportunity to express myself I was trying to explain that I might be suffering from adrenal fatigue and/or hypothyroid. I presented lists of symptoms. Nobody took me seriously. I was ejected everywhere – from my local clinic to the Institute of Endocrinology. Ordinary doctors, specialists, professors and even doctors of medicine took a dim view of me and my problems.
I was completely lost… I heavily lacked support and understanding. I was wasting away. I wished I was put out of my misery. There seemed to be no escape from that. So I decided to live out my remaining days in the countryside.
On April 16 I packed my things and went home… The only good thing about that was that there was no internet, computer or even TV in the village. The total rest beckoned.
Just days before this date arrived another portion of magic pills from the US. I spent nearly 300$ on these adrenal and thyroid supplements. When I was ordering them they seemed to be my last hope. But I changed my mind when they were being shipped. I got them too little too late. When I collected the box at the post office I didn’t even open it. Straight into the bin. Bang! And don’t tell me that I’m nuts. I know that. So this was exactly my defiant mood when I was facing imminent trip back home.
Due to the lack of desirable effect from the cortisol/thyroid supplements and worsening symptoms I got out of patience with them and decided to stop them altogether. I started weaning off in Kyiv and by the May 1, when I was already in my village, I was completely off any hormones. With each reduction in dose I gained more and more confidence that I don’t need them at all. As far as my symptoms were concerned I didn’t notice any significant changes. Maybe that was because it could hardly be any worse than that. To my great surprise, there was a slight improvement in my body and rising temperatures. Slowly but surely, I was moving towards my goal, that is to get off any medications and continue self healing. However, I definitely became less stable emotionally. I had reoccurring attacks of anxiety, hopelessness, despair and depression. In general I felt strange. I was trying to calm myself and remain upbeat. Until the first accident happened.
After about a week in the countryside it got even worse. Well, I took cold, developed pneumonia, and that was nearly the end of me. I didn’t even care when my body temperature rose beyond 103F. I had no desire to fight for my life. I wished the quickest possible dispatch. But the following day the temperature dropped to the ordinary LOW. I don’t know why, but I persuaded myself to go to the drugstore, buy some antibiotics and kill the bugs in my lungs. In about 7 days I was back to my normal BAD.
Since I realized that in the village I wouldn’t be able to get any meats I decided eschew them altogether. April was my meatless month. I went on native familiar diet consisting of cooked potatoes, eggs and dairy. 6 April was my first day in ages when I ate the cooked food. Ha, boiled potatoes tasted so strange… It brought some childhood memories.
Over the four following weeks I never touched any sugar or fruit, except on two occasions when I had extreme fever and ate some honey. I was very strict with myself, eating four/five small meals each day. Dynamic Duo, i.e. Starch and Protein, were always consumed together, with some fat to taste. My staples were eggs, cream/butter and potatoes. I aimed at 2500 kcal daily. I averaged around 50-60 g of protein and 120-150 g of carbs. The rest was fat.
During another four following weeks I made some changes. I exchanged eggs for meat and experimented with other sources of starch, namely buckwheat and brown rice.
As a result of this cooked adventure, which lasted two months in total, my digestion has not improved at all. Eating caused me real discomfort. However, I have noticed that my stomach pains were not as severe. The bouts of violent diarrhea became less frequent. But stools were poorly formed and runny. Dull, nagging pain under my left ribs remained. I felt sleepy all the time. My eyes were swollen, dry, red and weary. At the same time I felt a bit stronger in my muscles, despite they were always sore.
On the 1-st of June I was taken on a week-long journey to the Black Sea coast. During the first three days I was successful in getting meat but the following three were absolutely bare so I had to fast. It was a screamingly hard experience. I had to check with my diary whether it was actually me who did intermittent fasting for nearly a year… I felt like I was going to die, honestly… It cost me a great deal of effort and maybe much, much more…
Before I went to the countryside I had donated blood. I did it because I though it would correct my ferritin levels if they were excessive. Two months later I contacted the clinic to learn with a surprise that they had found HBcAb in my blood. Quite a piece of bad news. It actually meant that I might have been infected in the past with hepatitis B or had either acute or chronic infection. Further tests had shown that my HBsAg antibodies were pretty high. That might indicate that my body developed immunity to HB V and that I had had it in the past.
On 25-th of May I woke up buzzing. That was the anniversary of a BIG day. Four years ago we[LFC] famously won the European Cup for the fifth time. It was THE most incredible night in my life for several reasons. We completed the most amazing comeback of all time, I was accompanied by an absolute beauty of a girl… Now I live on my memories only. Until the spring of 2006 I had almost perfect health. Then I made this BIG mistake of raw veganism. Somehow I survived. At the beginning of 2007 I took rather courageous step, i.e. RAW Primal Diet. It was a revelation. I was back to my life. Now I can’t stop asking myself why on earth did I try that damned intermittent fasting. It ruined me big time. This was the second biggest mistake of my whole life but it might prove to be decisive. Or not?
The diet is just such a small thing in the complicated matter of health, wellbeing and happiness. Every time I saunter through the town and see those careless boys and girls with coke and hamburgers in their hands I kindly envy them. Honestly, I wish I never knew all these nutrition details and healthy eating habits. I realize that I will never be FREE.