my so called journal

[igibike]

Hi kyle,

how are you today after going off ?

[Raw Kyle]

I feel ok today except that my digestive tract is a little off. I felt like I had to poop and the first time I went very little came out and then shortly after I had to go again and felt like the rest came out then. That is something that only happens when I eat cooked food, probably the bread from the chicken pot pie and the creamy sauce in there stopped things up a little. Also I was a little more thirsty and dry mouthed from the salt.

[igibike]

It's normal, I believe, to feel more thirst when you eat cooked and/or non paleo food.
It also happens to me and other people in Italy following a raw (or almost raw) style.
Cooking take some water out of food, so more friction arises while it passes throug the digestive tract.
This may explain what happened to you.

What we do in cases like this it to follow our thirst, so we drink a lot.
So it seems you absorbed the lunch off quite well...

[TylerDurden]

One other thing I've noticed re being on a raw palaeo diet is that on the very rare occasions I eat (unadulterated) bread or similar pastry, that I have to gulp large amounts of water to force it down. Pre-rawpalaeo diet, I had no such problems with highly-dried cooked food.

[boxcarguy07]

Hey Kyle, my Relearning to See book arrived today.

Do you think it's important to read every single word of it? A lot of it seems very text-book like. If possible I'd rather just read the most important parts, but I will read all of it if it is important to.

[Raw Kyle]

It doesn't seem like the beginning was important to read except to convince you that the method and research is correct and that the modern optometry practice is wrong about lenses being the only part of your eye responsible for focus.

I only got to the part with the first few "exercises" and then kind of lost interest. You're right about the text-bookyness of it, and it's a dry one at that. I consider myself a good reader but sometimes I can't keep up with something if it strikes me a certain boring way, and then with exercises I have trouble with consistency.

[Raw Kyle]

Long time no post. I'm back in the gym and my rib seems fine. It's probably always going to have a bumb there, a permanent reminder of the loss at the tournament. Right now I'm eating a muscle/suet combo with some honey, about 1.5 tablespoons.

[boxcarguy07]

That's good you're back in the gym.
I myself have kind of been a bum and haven't gone in a good while.

I started reading the Relearning to See book over thanksgiving break, but haven't picked it up in a few days. I can tell consistency will be a problem with me as well. It seems like it could work though, given enough effort.

[TylerDurden]

Not being able to go to the gym is no excuse. Just get hold of a bodyweight training manual and do those excercises every day - all you need is a little space to do all the pressups etc. It works better than the gym in many ways. I have a manual by a Ross Enamait which is very useful(except for the bit about nutrition).

[Raw Kyle]

Response to Lex's post in "Slanker's Order" thread:

Thanks for the thoughtful response Lex, similar thoughts have crossed my mind. One issue I have is that since I lack much desire towards my raw muscle/suet mix or organs it's hard for me to eat it at work. The best time for me to eat my raw food is at night, which is the opposite of the "eat your healthy food first then eat something else at night" principle.

Today, for example, I didn't eat lunch at all, nor breakfast. I almost never have breakfast, but usually I bring about 1lb muscle with an eyeballed addition of suet to work and put as much as a tablespoon of honey into it to make it more palatable. Sometimes I eat as much as I can without the honey, sometimes I finish it all before the honey, usually not.

So today I left my lunch at the plant and was out doing my sample collections (I collect samples of drinking water for the water company and then test them back at the plant for bacteria) and ended up being out way past lunch time because of uncontrollable circumstances. What happened was I needed to open a lock to get at a well and my key didn't work in the lock so I had to wait for someone, which happened on top of an already busy day. In fact most of the time I don't get to lunch until 1:00 pm, very often later. So on this day I didn't have any time at all to eat my lunch and am just now eating it at 11:00 pm. I almost went the whole day without eating, when I got home from work I took a nap and before hand had about a handful of raw macadamia nuts and dates. I very rarely eat raw vegan foods like this but just had no desire to eat meat and wanted to eat just something before laying down.

So the thing is, if I truly enjoyed the meat mix I eat I would probably bring it along with me to eat in the car in case I got stuck somewhere, or I would somehow find time to eat it. I'm blown away by how easy it is to consume calories in the form of cooked foods like sandwiches or a meat and grain dish like beef and rice with vegetables. You can easily eat the amount of calories my meat mix is, which takes me maybe 1/2 hour or more because it's chewy and I'm not enjoying it very much, in 10 minutes or less. That is to say that if I ate a "normal" diet I would never get caught without anything to eat because I could stop at a convenience store for 2 minutes to grab a sandwich, which I could eat in 5 minutes and even while driving. Sitting down with my glass container of muscle and suet is basically the opposite end of the ease of eating spectrum.

So for that reason it would be easier for me to eat more convenient foods during the day while I'm working and doing chores rather than at night. I imagine making my own sushi and bringing it to work, or a cooked dish like meat and vegetables. One time I made a paleo stew and brought that to work, however I had another hard day and no time for lunch so that ended up being my dinner as well. Again stew is much less convenient (need a bowl and relative concentration to not make a mess as compared to a sandwich or bowl of a dryer dish) than most other cooked foods to eat, hence not having the time to eat it.

This whole thing points to the issue that I seem to be only able to concentrate on one or a couple of difficult things in my life at a time. Like when I was learning guitar, that's all I cared about. I was in high school and did school work, but at that point in school homework and everything is second nature and you either can do it or can't. I spent most of my free time practicing guitar, and I got good fast. Now I'm at a point in my life where I'm trying to do so many things, principle of which is convert myself to this raw paleo diet. I am already mostly raw paleo, but the concentration it takes to stay on the diet I believe is making other things more difficult. I go to the gym less because I just don't feel like it, sometimes because I didn't eat lunch or am generally discouraged.

The whole idea of my current diet was that I could gain muscle eating about 2 lbs muscle mixed with suet (I don't measure the suet but it's maybe 1/3 by volume of the muscle I add) split into 2 meals per day. Other than that I eat occasional raw seafood for extra nutrients I might be missing, and very rarely raw plants like an avocado or some kind of salad. The thing is, I don't know if I can gain weight on this diet because I can't keep consistent on it long enough to tell one way or the other. The combination of the food not being entirely appealing and also being a little more time consuming to eat means that I have yet to be able to keep up the 2 meals every day for more than a week without either missing one or going off my diet due to a craving or inconvenience. So for all intents and purposes I am following in a sense that 80/20 rule, maybe closer to 90/10, but instead of intentionally eating something off my diet every day I stick to it for a few days and then eat <20% of a days food off of my diet. It's not quite a yoyo situation because I don't go off my diet on craziness like cookies and ice cream, but it's enough to keep me from making the gains I want and feeling once in a while the effects of going off the diet in the way I do.

I may indeed start experimenting with different things. It just seems so appealing to imagine that if I stick to it I can one day get the monkey off my back of cooked food, as well as truly enjoy all raw animal foods. I have experienced some very good health results from this diet, in particular basically never getting sick, and I don't want to give that up out of a weakness. Really the thing that has got me down is the weight gaining attempt. I did gain quite a bit of weight from my vegan days, but I'm stuck at about 155 lbs and my preferred weight from before when I was on SAD was around 165 to 170 lbs tops. Not much to gain but I felt very healthy and on my frame I looked athletic and strong at that weight. If all I cared about was maintaining my current weight the diet wouldn't be so hard because I could skip meals if I didn't feel like eating while I try to train my tastes, but I have the idea in my head that I shouldn't be skipping meals because I want to gain weight. I feel almost like I'm at the point where I can either give up on gaining the weight and achieving what I want in the gym and with martial arts training, or I can give up or modify my diet. This is probably a false dichotomy because if I had the ability to make myself eat the food I should probably be able to meet my training goals with it, but I can't convince my body to want to eat something if it doesn't. It's strange when I try to eat the food and it's not gross but rather neutral tasting, and I tend to chew it a lot because my body isn't telling me to swallow and take another bite like it would be if I really liked it, you know? So it takes so much longer than it has to in order to eat it.

Either way I should sit back and thank my blessings for at least doing what I'm doing, it can be stressful and difficult but I don't have the fear of these health problems I see so many having. My girlfriends roommate had skin cancer at like age 18!

[lex_rooker]

Ah, the problems of youth!   We are never happy with who we are or what we have.  "Life would be so much better if I just gained (or lost) x-pounds."  "My life would be complete if I just had a different job, or more money, or free time, or..... etc. etc. etc....."

What most of us gain with age is patience and acceptance, and once that happens we can focus on what's important and realize that gaining what is truly worthwile often takes a lifetime.  I assure you that I was no different.  It took me 40 years to "get it".  Now the best I can do is try to pass what I've learned along in hopes that others will be able to recognize that they already have the brass ring much earlier in their life than I did.

Might I suggest that you take some time to think through and prioritize what is truly important in your life - in other words, your core values.  These are things like Religion, Country, Wealth, Social Status, Health, Family, Personal Appearance, Career, Charity, Honesty, Personal Integrity etc.  Add others to the list that you think are important, then place them in order of importance and write a sentence or two for each clarifying exactly what it means to you and why you placed it in it's order of importance.

Example, a religious person might put God 1st as God is the creator of all things and without God nothing would exist.

Second might be Health as without good health little else matters so after paying homage to God I must do everything in my power to protect my health.

Third might be Family as it is through family and children that my legacy continues into the future.

Be very honest with yourself in this process.  Once you have your list, monitor closely to see if you are LIVING your values in the priority as you've defined them, or if your list and its priorities are there to sound good and impress people but not truly guide your actions and decisions.  I did this many years ago and I assure you it took a lot of soul searching and introspection to honestly determine what would be the guiding principles in my life.  Once this was done, however, most life and career choices became much easier.

One time two different positions became available at work and I applied for both (either was a significant promotion).  One was in Engineering and the other was a Management position.  Before the interviews were held, I was called into the office of the hiring manager.  He and I were very good friends and he asked me which position I wanted.  I told him that I would be happy with either one, but since I barely met the qualifications and the competition was considerable, I wasn't convinced that I would be successful at all.  The manager assured me that he had already made his decision as too which two candidates would be selected (remember this is before the interviews were held), and he was offering me first pick of the positions.  WOW, what an ego booster.  Not only was I going to be selected for one of the positions, I would get pick of the litter. 

Then I reviewed my list of core values and found that Personal Integrity was ahead of Money, Career, and Social Status, (all of which would have been given a considerable boost if I accepted one of the positions).  I talked it over with my wife and the next day I went back to the manager and withdrew my name from consideration for both positions.  You see, I wanted to earn the promotion, not have it handed to me because of a personal friendship.  I did not feel that accepting one of the positions under the conditions offered was right for me, the company, or the other applicants that were more qualified, and it certainly didn't meet my definition of Personal Integrity.

Now I want you to understand that I know that things like this happen everyday and I really have nothing against them - it's part of the reality of daily living.  Also, had I placed Money, Career, or Social Status above Personal Integrity I would have accepted one of the positions.  It was not a case of RIGHT and WRONG or black and white.  It was a case of having thought through my core values and then remaining true to them.  The other person who was singled, out did accept one of the positions and I had no problem with that.  It's all about what is important to each person.

So, make a list of your core values.  Think it through very carefully as the order of importance you give each value is critical.  Then use the list to help you make decisions and resolve the personal conflicts we all face.  You may be surprised where the values related to your current dietary conflicts fall on the list and your reasoning behind where you set your priorities.  Remember, there is no right or wrong.  If you choose to put Money above Health, that is a valid choice, as is leaving God/Religion off the list entirely if you are of a secular bent.  It's all about truly understanding yourself and what drives you.

Most people never do this as they think they understand their priorities already.  But I think you'll find that if you do this exercise it will be one of the hardest things you've ever attempted and will take far longer than you ever imagined.  However, if you make the effort and get it right, you'll find it easy to resolve conflicts and evaluate opportunities and seldom, if ever, make a decision that is not in line with what you hold most dear.

Hope this helps,

Lex

[Raw Kyle]

Thanks again for the thoughtful reply. I have some questions about this list, firstly which things can constitute a priority? Or even the meaning of certain priorities, like health. For many health may mean not having a diagnosible disease, but for some it means in addition to that feeling good, having high levels of energy, sleeping well, feeling strong and having a good working memory and other mental functions.

An example would be that if we're talking about having a terrible disease like cancer I would put health right on the top of my list because I'd rather sacrifice eating foods I like and doing activities I like to ward off something like that. In that sense health is necessary to enjoy anything else, if you're dying in a hospital bed not even McDonald's and cheesecake is going to do anything for you.

But if I put health over everything else because of that logical reason, do I have to choose the healthiest option every time I have a choice to make? If not, what is the function of the list? And then there's the pesky problems of health ambiguity, you don't know for sure if a certain unhealthy choice will cause a problem for you, just like many smokers will never get lung cancer or even notice shortness of breath.

I don't want to read to nit picky but I do want to point out that the job issue you had is much more cut and dry a decision than health ones, since there is no denying that your income would have increased at the cost of your sense of morality and fairness.

Also money is a funny one for the list. At my current income level money isn't very important, I have enough for what I need and wouldn't want to work more and do a less enjoyable job for a little more, but for a whole lot more I might. So it's a scaler thing, just like health seems.

[livingthelife]

So many good points made here in this latest discussion.

I've made myself sick in pursuit of health on and off for the past 5 years. The last time was only last week.

One thing I like about this group of people is that we are really sincere. We want to get down to the truth and we aren't afraid to eat raw kidneys to get there.

However, we are all so un-paleo, despite our intentions - sitting at our computers thinking about chemicals. Modern man is in love with thinking.

This last bout of thought-imposed illness is my last. It's time for a new paradigm. I've been able to do this in other areas, but still had "food issues." Time for more instinct, more intuition, less thinking.

All spiritual practices, even those that use thinking as a tool, such as zen and raja yoga, aim for integration of all faculties. Wholeness. When I used to *think* of health as what condition my body was in, I *thought* I could *think it out* and *decide* what to eat, or what else to do with my body. Imagine if people tried having sex that way. The human race would die out!

I've experienced health, and it's far more than an idea, and much much more complex than body chemistry.

It seems that Lex is suggesting something more than a list of "rules to live by," which is why he noted that it would be much more of a challenge than one might expect. It seems that he suggests a deep contemplation of and meditation upon your interior world that will yield a self-knowledge that will guide you in every way, not just diet.

[Raw Kyle]

I agree livingthelife, I've been thinking way more than doing for the last few years of my life. I acknowledge I'm a thinker at heart, but I don't want to spend my whole life thinking about better things I could be doing. I haven't yet made my list but the thought of it has provoked many ideas, one of which is to stop the obsession with 100% raw paleo diet, which took a huge weight off of my back.

[Satya]

Hey Kyle, how are your ribs doing?  You cracked them some time ago.  Have they healed?  Are your working out?

[Raw Kyle]

They're "healed" but will probably stick out wrong forever. The one rib the doctor said might have been broken. It sticks out a little and feels uncomfortable when I lay belly down but it doesn't so much hurt anymore. And I am working out again, it doesn't affect me so far.

[Raw Kyle]

Well I gave some AV style milkshakes without the milk, just cream, a try and they did not agree with me. I had a few small ones, and although they taste very good, it doesn't sit well in my stomach, especially after having eaten anything else (meat and fat in this case). Then I had a rather large one on an empty stomach, and felt very unwell after. I even felt like I was going to throw up. So now I'm trying the butter lubrication drinks, and last night I felt not so bad after one but still it seemed to not digest as perfectly as flesh.

[Raw Kyle]

Lubrication formulas just don't digest as well as flesh. Nothing really does. Getting pretty bored with what I'm eating and being tempted by other stuff, but as for now I'm sticking to my guns. Looking forward to trying some of Lex's pemmican! Also I'm going to try and stock up on some seafood and get more diverse RAF's around so that I have less chance of getting tired of what I'm eating, which for now is just suet and beef cubes.

[Satya]

So, what are these 'temptations' you are talking about?  Is it carb-laden junk food?  Have you tried to cut carbs and see how boring food is then?  I ask because many zero carb types are totally set free from wondering, "What will I eat?"  That said, I too enjoy variety, yet I am learning to eat within a local, seasonal paradigm.  Not there, mind you, but the journey is half the fun.

[Raw Kyle]

For me temptations are usually in the form of driving around (which I do a good deal of at work) and seeing lots of Asian restaurants. That's my favorite food, both because it's very tasty and is considered healthier than cheese steaks and the like. I go nuts for Thai, Japanese (especially sushi and anything with Sriracha hot sauce and Kewpie mayo) and I enjoy Indian a good deal. Today I went past an Afghani place and looked at their menu, it seemed pretty much like Indian. And the fact that Japanese food, like sushi, tends to have some RAF in it makes it even more tempting, because it's like barely cheating. But when you consider than rice is both cooked AND neolithic, and most of sushi is rice, you realize it's not really very RAF or raw paleo friendly after all. Sashimi is nice but not satisfying for me, once I get to the place I just want the real deal sushi, and some miso soup, and a kani salad, or something else tasty.

I'm not sure if it's the carbs I'm looking for or what. I used to think it was the additives in junk food that my body had trouble breaking an addiction from. Stuff that would be in processed condiments that I would end up taking in at restaurants.

Still though, the feeling of cheating on junk food is worse than the feeling of not having it.

[Satya]

Me too, I love Asian food.  Maybe it's the MSG at the restaurants, lol.  I do think, in terms of cooked cheats, that home made bone stock soups are the most benign choice.  Just prepare food at home, and stop driving around! 

[Raw Kyle]

I have to drive around for work. You know, I don't much like making food at home anymore either. I have other things I want to spend my time on at home now and like I've said before, I get this idea into my head like "if I could just make this bone soup" or whatever it is, "then I won't have cravings for junk" or something like that. And then it just ends up taking up a lot of time, some money (always more than my usual simple diet) and in the end rarely if ever satisfies me and makes me feel good afterwards. It's almost easier and better to just save the time, go out and get sushi, feel a little worse afterwards from the carbs and preservatives and stuff, and be done with it.

[Satya]

Yes yes, you are only feeding you, no?  Then do your sushi cheats.  Hell, you could do much worse for yourself.  I only eat sashimi out, cuz it's so pricey, I want only fish; no filler.

And the martial arts training, how goes it?  Do press on as you can.  Never quit!

[invisible]

Hey Kyle, u said your diet suffers when you spend time with your girlfriend. Is that because you haven't told her you are on a diet, you are tempted by the food she wants to eat, or she is opposed to the diet?

[Raw Kyle]

Hey Kyle, u said your diet suffers when you spend time with your girlfriend. Is that because you haven't told her you are on a diet, you are tempted by the food she wants to eat, or she is opposed to the diet?

Well unfortunately I don't have that problem anymore, but when I did have a girlfriend the problems would arise because it's a very normal thing to go out to eat. She actually tried a paleo diet for a while but gave it up when she went to college because she doesn't have control over her food for now. We both like the same kind of restaurants too so that made it easy to go out and eat. And once you get in the habit of doing it, it's hard to break that.