what is your job/profession?

[the PresiDenT]

ya i probly sound very picky/douchebaggish and realized that just now reading what i posted. u have to realize what it is like in london on. soooooo conservative/closed minded here, and no offense but most women are drones to cell phone/facebook. so what i am trying to say is i desire an oddball like myself(which is very rare here), and i guess some of the things i listed are things I THINK such a person might posses.

but most of you probly live in better cities. London is kinda weird, its a big little hick town of .5mil  where the talk of the town for young adults is where u predrank/what happened at one of the 6 lameass bars. so i sound like a douche now but w.e... life goes on

for the record, london has THE WORST DRIVERS IN THE WORLD. that is when u know u live in a lame/boring/conservative place

[laterade]

ya i probly sound very picky/douchebaggish and realized that just now reading what i posted. u have to realize what it is like in london on. soooooo conservative/closed minded here, and no offense but most women are drones to cell phone/facebook. so what i am trying to say is i desire an oddball like myself(which is very rare here), and i guess some of the things i listed are things I THINK such a person might posses.

but most of you probly live in better cities. London is kinda weird, its a big little hick town of .5mil  where the talk of the town for young adults is where u predrank/what happened at one of the 6 lameass bars. so i sound like a douche now but w.e... life goes on

It is the same in most places, frustrating as hell.
I would be nuts if I did not have a dog.

[Hannibal]

Its funny how some you guys have so many criteria for finding a good person to be with....that she should make X money, that she should be raw paleo, that she should be left handed etc etc...and all that crap. You realize when you love someone and when you meet someone you truly want to be with and they want to be with you that NONE of that crap will matter! Its that kind of thinking which will prevent you from finding a good mate in the first place.

That's oversimplification, Yuli.
Of course, X money doesn't IMO matter, left- or righ-handed - the same.
But healthy way of living, exercising, intelligence, honesty, etc. - YES, YES, YES
I could love somebody FOR something, BECAUSE she is.....
The same is in Nature, among the animals - female ones are looking for the strong, healthy mates, difinitely not for the weak ones.

[TylerDurden]

Well, Yuli, that was a great post. It's a refreshing contrast to my female cousins, who`ve been trained by their mother to view men as being just meal-tickets/walking-wallets. Not that they are  representative, of course.

That said, I did once read some scientific studies on relationships and I read that it was found that relationships had a much higher chance of success when the couples were within an overall 2 points of each other on a 1-10 scale of a number of different characteristics re beauty, intelligence, social skills, education, money, personality etc.. If there was a sharp contrast between the couple regarding one characteristic, then, unless there was a reverse big difference in another characteristic to balance that out,  it was found that the relationship often suffered, regardless of the positive emotions involved. So a man earning considerably less than his partner will be fine as long as he is considerably superior in some other characteristic.

But, yes, concentrating on just 1 characteristic is a bad idea, IMO. My example re my female cousins is a case in point. Their excessive focus on money/possessions meant that their male partners were not only invariably seriously lacking in other crucial male characteristics, but men with serious amounts of wealth were invariably put off by them, over time.

As for being left-handed, that was a big deal until recent historical times, as, in the past, being left-handed was seen as the sign of the devil and unnatural, with left-handed children being forced to write with the right hand etc. It's still frowned upon in some parts of the world, come to think of it. So I could see why someone might have a preference for someone with left- or right-handedness.

[yuli]

Well I didn't literally mean that NOTHING matters, if nothing mattered we wouldn't care or even talk about our future mates, we wouldn't have any reason to etc...but what matters to us at certain points in our life can change, for example some people came to this forum because now what they eat matters to them and before something else mattered and they didn't consider this, that doesn't matter lol (I love using the same word many times in a sentence)...

We do tend to worry about things we really shouldn't care about and ignore some things that we shouldn't be blind to, its a common mistake in humans. So when we formulate lists of the things that matter in our partner that we are going to "hold out" for, they often have little substance and will only lead to a very 'sterile' or fruitless and depressing way of life. As you have experienced Tyler with some cousins of yours. I have observed many similar things and not just with money and this is why I would rather slightly "oversimplify" my life then make it more complicated. Because whatever I have planned in my complications will likely have little to do with really living life, like living life and being happy and gaining more wisdom, learning, experiencing etc. some of the best moments and decisions in my life came without any planning, and vise versa.

When you try to concentrate on living for yourself, you will find the perfect person when the time comes, when you radiate a certain energy you will find a common energy, but it wont be anything close to your list of X, Y and Z. Yes you will have differences and common interests, but there is no way to measure as it will depend on both of you as people...I guess its a difficult thing to explain, but the best things happen when I am not giving a shit about others or about most of the things people worry about but I am really doing things for myself (and you know I don't mean like going to get a massage or a pedicure  )...and vise versa. It seems like when I am making all these plans and lists and worrying about them I don't progress as well, looking for a certain partner seems just as meaningless to me. The partner will become your partner when the time comes and thats all there is.

By the way I know someone I used to be close friends with, but unfortunately their other half went a little crazy with LISTS...you might have no idea how crazy it gets, you can loose track of whats important and you won't even know what really want, you senses become all screwed up its just like with SAD diet you know what I mean.

[yuli]

....
But healthy way of living, exercising, intelligence, honesty, etc. - YES, YES, YES
I could love somebody FOR something, BECAUSE she is.....
....

Of course, just about every human on earth LIKES being with someone in good heath, who is intelligent and doesn't lie to them, for sure.
Who would actually prefer to be with someone, poor, sickly and stupid 
But there are more dynamics as well.

I don't know if I can say that I love the people I love or have loved FOR something, perhaps it is just BECAUSE they "are"...when someone IS something that radiates with what you ARE then its all groovey baby! 

I can definitely say I don't love the people I don't love because they just AREN'T....in whatever way, there can be so many different way that people CAN'T be what you can love. There is no point of making headings and lists even...

I am soooooo tired and sleepy now, if nothing I wrote makes sense oh well 

[Hannibal]

I don't know if I can say that I love the people I love or have loved FOR something, perhaps it is just BECAUSE they "are"...when someone IS something that radiates with what you ARE then its all groovey baby! 

Ok, "because..." is probably the better description, I agree.

I am soooooo tired and sleepy now, if nothing I wrote makes sense oh well 

It makes sens, yuli. Don't worry, chill out and sleep well.

[raw-al]

Well, Yuli, that was a great post. It's a refreshing contrast to my female cousins, who`ve been trained by their mother to view men as being just meal-tickets/walking-wallets. Not that they are  representative, of course.

That said, I did once read some scientific studies on relationships and I read that it was found that relationships had a much higher chance of success when the couples were within an overall 2 points of each other on a 1-10 scale of a number of different characteristics re beauty, intelligence, social skills, education, money, personality etc.. If there was a sharp contrast between the couple regarding one characteristic, then, unless there was a reverse big difference in another characteristic to balance that out,  it was found that the relationship often suffered, regardless of the positive emotions involved. So a man earning considerably less than his partner will be fine as long as he is considerably superior in some other characteristic.

But, yes, concentrating on just 1 characteristic is a bad idea, IMO. My example re my female cousins is a case in point. Their excessive focus on money/possessions meant that their male partners were not only invariably seriously lacking in other crucial male characteristics, but men with serious amounts of wealth were invariably put off by them, over time.

My ex was focussed on the money side of the equation and I was probably focussed on her coming from a seemingly cohesive sensible family. There was no real love involved and it showed, we separated blah blah.

Now I am in a relationship that you describe Yuli and Tyler and it is spectacular. What you say Tyler is spot on. We work on keeping the fun in the relationship and we really have a symbiotic situation. Neither one has an upper hand intellectually or physically. What each one excels at the other is interested in and benefits from the transfer of knowledge. Funnily enough we both had very parallel lives prior to meeting and made almost the same amount of money.

[miles]

It is the same in most places, frustrating as hell.
I would be nuts if I did not have a dog.

Isn't that illegal?

[raw-al]

Isn't that illegal?

Only with sheep.

[wodgina]

Never listen to what girls say about relationships fellas.

Or....if you unfortunately do hear some of it by accident do the opposite of what they say! Heheh...but seriously...I'm right, do the opposite.

[Hannibal]

do the opposite.

Could you elaborate more on this? 

[wodgina]

Could you elaborate more on this? 

I bet Yuli has a list.

[sabertooth]

There is something beyond illogical about the nature of love, disire and emotion, and Women are not machines that you can turn off and on by pushing some behavioralistic button, although I have mine fairly well tuned, she still goes of the hinges from time to time,(regardless of how I act), but that's what keeps things interresting. Mr. Spock describes women as a mass of conflicting emotions, and I wouldn't have mine if she was any other way."Crazy is the price of admission for this ride baby", is what I tell her regullary and she is willing to pay the toll.

There has to be a way for each other in the relationship to express the selfishness and faults within our human nature without being labled a jerk, bitch, ahole , etc. So far I have had mixed results, but every now in then I have been able to play a good emotional harp and cast my spell over my love, and at least for a while she will forget about what absolute dogs most men can be and remember to love without restraint.

[raw-al]

There is something beyond illogical about the nature of love, disire and emotion, and Women are not machines that you can turn off and on by pushing some behavioralistic button, although I have mine fairly well tuned, she still goes of the hinges from time to time,(regardless of how I act), but that's what keeps things interresting. Mr. Spock describes women as a mass of conflicting emotions, and I wouldn't have mine if she was any other way."Crazy is the price of admission for this ride baby", is what I tell her regullary and she is willing to pay the toll.

There has to be a way for each other in the relationship to express the selfishness and faults within our human nature without being labled a jerk, bitch, ahole , etc. So far I have had mixed results, but every now in then I have been able to play a good emotional harp and cast my spell over my love, and at least for a while she will forget about what absolute dogs most men can be and remember to love without restraint.

LOL,
"Goes off the hinges...."

Reminds me of what Mark Gungor says;
"If you ask a woman to describe the perfect man,
she describes another woman"

[yuli]

Never listen to what girls say about relationships fellas.
Or....if you unfortunately do hear some of it by accident do the opposite of what they say! Heheh...but seriously...I'm right, do the opposite.

I'll elaborate if he won't.... he is just putting all girls in the same category, what if I said something like "Never believe what a guy says its a lie"...these kinds of gender based conclusions can close a lot of interesting relationships etc...
Always do the opposite? Oh dear... That leaves you wide open to reverse psychology...not good to be so predictable. I know coupla guy who are always "doin the opposite", guess what they are the ones mostly falling into the easiest of womens traps, they are also the ones being mostly just used by women and have trouble to find any real woman. Perhaps because they are not being realistic either, they think they are so rebellious but they are just predictable.
So men should only listen to men about other relationships? Sure, right, because most men are so good at it, ha ha! Crack me up.
Its partly because men only listen to men and women only listen to women around them that screws them up, it becomes like inbreeding and then their diversity stagnates...

I bet Yuli has a list.

Why you say that, I am the last person to plan anything to the point it pisses off others... If I have a list its blank and collecting cobwebs. Or are you just trying to say that because its the opposite of what I said about myself?  ....ok then, fine, yes I have a very very rigorous list, I keep it hidden in my ass, come up and get it if you wanna know  lol just kidding!

Oh well I am glad to know some men and women in life who are real great people, I don't care if good advice is coming from a man or a woman, there is much more that matters, the meat and potatoes is all in the head not in the crotch.

Reminds me of what Mark Gungor says;
"If you ask a woman to describe the perfect man,
she describes another woman"

Heh... I know women are too emotional usually but really most men are overly emotional too, its annoying.
There is no way to describe the perfect one, I find many of the big faults are common among both genders, just displayed a little differently.
I have many faults like other women and men do, but I am glad to explore them and to find answers.

I never want to stagnate, I like to explore new ways of thinking etc. sometimes as we get older we fall into a mental routine and forget to do that. Becoming annoying and overly predictable.

[raw-al]

As for being left-handed, that was a big deal until recent historical times, as, in the past, being left-handed was seen as the sign of the devil and unnatural, with left-handed children being forced to write with the right hand etc. It's still frowned upon in some parts of the world, come to think of it. So I could see why someone might have a preference for someone with left- or right-handedness.

Tyler,
That's all fine 'n dandy theory, but you try sitting at the dinner table with a leftie ta yer righty..... LOL

[raw-al]

I have many faults like other women and men do, but I am glad to explore them and to find answers.

I never want to stagnate, I like to explore new ways of thinking etc. sometimes as we get older we fall into a mental routine and forget to do that. Becoming annoying and overly predictable.

Exactly and that is what is so great about a balanced relationship as Tyler suggested. We get the honour of learning in equal measure.

[KD]

I think 'crotch' has to be the least sexual word on the planet, just makes me think of baseball.


I can see myself being a stay at home dad. I would like my kids to be breastfed, but short of that I wouldn't have any expectations/requirements for a woman or children as far as what their diet would be etc...my only requirement is that I am accepted for who I am, and that my vote is heard and acknowledged on various things. I expect a woman to be a good person (and hot), but not a perfect person or fulfill X requirements or fiscal responsibilities!

ok ok, this is just reverse psychology to attract a raw princess of Monaco.

[wodgina]

I think 'crotch' has to be the least sexual word on the planet, just makes me think of baseball

Tried....nothing

[subfarm]

As for being left-handed, that was a big deal until recent historical times, as, in the past, being left-handed was seen as the sign of the devil and unnatural, with left-handed children being forced to write with the right hand etc. It's still frowned upon in some parts of the world, come to think of it. So I could see why someone might have a preference for someone with left- or right-handedness.

I experienced this firsthand. Up until 2nd grade my teachers forced me to write with my right hand, and then continued to tell my parents that I had learning disabilities because I couldn't write well. I remember the teachers telling me to pick up the pencil with my right hand, because being left handed isn't "good for you."

[raw-al]

subfarm
An interesting book that I mentioned on other threads is one by Jacquelyn Wonder and Priscilla Donovan called "Whole Brain Thinking". It was published in the mid eighties and it explores the science up to then on use of the right/left hemispheres of the brain. The hand that you write with is covered quite extensively as is the predominant hemisphere that is used. You have the upper hand (sorry couldn't resist) on the rest of us as most cannot do a thing with their non-dominant hand.

Being ambidextrous has a curious affect on your intelligence (if that is definable). It makes you more well-rounded. She recommends practicing writing with your non-dominant hand.

However I empathize with being forced to by a neanderthal teacher.

[subfarm]

I'm an artist, I dare say I'm very creative. BUT I'm also very good at math and critical thinking science-y stuff- otherwise  I wouldn't be in school for Biochemistry/math. Growing up though, "they" had me convinced that since I was good at art and creative tasks, that I COULDN'T be good at math. "They" convinced me that one could be either rational or intuitive, NEVER both. So, when I do choose to breed, I'm homeschooling.

[wodgina]

I remember being pulled aside in 2nd grade and being forced to pronounce words with and Australian accent.

[TylerDurden]

I remember being pulled aside in 2nd grade and being forced to pronounce words with an Australian accent.

I also had  problems as a kid. I remember my 1st year at school, where I was forced to attend a French Lycee where all  young pupils spoke French and/or German but no English, but, unfortunately my parents, being brilliant linguists, had wrongly assumed that I had already mastered those 2 other languages, by age 5, so I had to sit through endless classes where I only understood the teacher c. 10 percent of the time, and was therefore labelled as "extremely slow" etc.