I keep losing weight!

[van]

Suiren,  I wasn't going to get into this one,, however,   I would like let you know of Ron Rosedale and his understanding of how the body functions as a resultant of different amounts of carbs, proteins and fats.  He's been doing this (professionally) probably longer than any of us here, except he's not raw.     I think he's the real thing.  Even if you don't subscribe to his diet suggestions,  his understanding of how the body acts as a whole is enlightening.  He has a website and blog.  Googling his name should easily get you there, if you like. 

[Suiren]

So more carbs okay. Should I try to keep up the same amount of fat? Or rather replace the fat with carbs? These meals are getting me pretty full, so I am trying to figure out how to juggle the foods.

Brad

don't start drama if you get all depressed over it. 

... but I know how females like to obsess about their looks. You look hot to me.

I am way too damn skinny thats for sure. Dunno if I have broad shoulders or not. Never thought about it. I am too skinny either way.

Apparently certain males do too. Just saying.

Now now.  Let's not misinterpret language nuances.  "Hot" is an adjective saying your kind of beauty is both pretty & sexy and does not mean that someone is "coming on" to you.  It was actually meant as a compliment so smile and blush a little  . Be happy! (he was trying to lift your spirits ... seems it was mis understood in german )

I still don't think it was appropriate, but I don't want to fight over it. I may not be a master of the English language, but I lived in the US long enough to know when something comes across as rude.

Show me some photos and Ill be brutally honest (comes naturally)

I had enough brutality for today. Don't really want to post pictures of myself either. I want to gain and that's that.

 van
Thank you for the suggestion. I will google it.

[eveheart]

So more carbs okay. Should I try to keep up the same amount of fat? Or rather replace the fat with carbs? These meals are getting me pretty full, so I am trying to figure out how to juggle the foods.

Fat tends to give a "full" signal pretty quickly.

First, I would say to make sure you get enough protein. (nursing mother I think is a minimum of 70 grams a day of usable protein, but I think that is way low and should be more like 100g per day.) Usable protein runs about 20+ grams in a 100-gram serving of meat. The rest is water weight. So you might aim for about a pound (500 g) of meat a day. An egg has about 8g of protein.

Next, get your ration of carbs. My wild guess is that it will be at least as much as protein, and probably more.

Then, eat fats.

I come from the opposite end of the spectrum (gain weight too easily), and my take on Rosedale is that he advises how to lose weight, not gain it... but the pivotal factor in gaining/losing is always carbohydrate intake. Metabolism (hormones) and colon health are the other factors.

[Brad462]

Ok you just went through my old posts trying to find dirt on me?  Keep looking sweetheart. I will just ignore you from now on because its obvious you have a grudge against the world. Peace.

[cherimoya_kid]

I will just ignore you from now on because its obvious you have a grudge against the world.

No, she just doesn't have a good command of English slang, and has chosen to make an ass of herself as a result of the misunderstanding.  No worries, I know, as do most people here, that your comment was not rude.

[CitrusHigh]

Suiren, I hope you can just overlook that last comment, so.not.worth.it.

[Ferocious]

No, she just doesn't have a good command of English slang, and has chosen to make an ass of herself as a result of the misunderstanding.  No worries, I know, as do most people here, that your comment was not rude.

It's a matter of perspective. If someone called my wife "hot" when I was around, they'd better be ready to flex! She has a pretty much perfect understanding of the English language/slang with a perfect American accent, so you have no idea what you're talking about. "Hot" is a trashy word used by trashy people, in MY opinion. It basically means, "I'd have sex with you." I don't take that lightly and neither does she, especially if some random stranger tells her that! If she came off as an ass, especially to people like you, I consider that a great thing!

[wodgina]

I had issues gaining weight at the start.

ps I'll grovel for a compliment must be a living death to be called hot.

[Suiren]

Suiren, I hope you can just overlook that last comment, so.not.worth.it.

True.

Brad
I came across it while searching diet and weight gain. It was hypocritical I thought, that's all.

Wodgina
Try to be in a relationship with a woman who loves to be called hot by strangers, I promise it is not a good foundation. Those are usually the type to be a couch potato at home, but all va va voom when out.

[Dorothy]

Suiren, I would have reacted similarly as you and English is my first language. Men that take liberties in their language with women often don't even realize that they come across negatively. It's only when women don't allow it that things will change as social inequalities can get ingrained into common language but need to be addressed by the group they are directed at for a re-education to occur.

Here's an example from my life. I was in Manhattan buying a sweater from vendor on the street and he called me Dear. He didn't mean it flirtatiously, yet it was demeaning. He happened to be an African American. I asked him nicely not to call me that, that he didn't know me and that Dear was a word that my husband uses for me. He said that he didn't mean anything by it and laughed at me a little. I said that I understood he was trying to be nice, but what if I called him "boy" not meaning anything bad by it? His laughing stopped immediately and he apologized. He said that he never looked at it that way before. I said that women have been used through much of history as slaves and second rate citizens so like black people we have to be careful what we let others call us. He thanked me.... sincerely.

When women don't say anything when others call them sweetheart, girl, honey, babe, hottie - or whatever word that is has an element of condescension, belittling or inappropriate closeness of a sexual nature, by their non-reaction they  participate in the perpetuation of the social problems that are embedded in the language.

Beyond the wording itself, you made your point well - that it's not about how you look to others - it's about what you would like for yourself. That's also something recent that women have been able to achieve - having their self-image not based upon what men want or "like", but upon what they want for themselves and upon what they consider to be healthy for themselves. It's good that you stand up for that imho. 

Anyway - just wanted to say thanks for being a strong woman standing up for yourself out there in the world. I admire you.

Btw - did you ever try any of those "desert" recipes I sent you?

[raw-al]

Suiren, I would have reacted similarly as you and English is my first language. Men that take liberties in their language with women often don't even realize that they come across negatively. It's only when women don't allow it that things will change as social inequalities can get ingrained into common language but need to be addressed by the group they are directed at for a re-education to occur.

Here's an example from my life. I was in Manhattan buying a sweater from vendor on the street and he called me Dear. He didn't mean it flirtatiously, yet it was demeaning. He happened to be an African American. I asked him nicely not to call me that, that he didn't know me and that Dear was a word that my husband uses for me. He said that he didn't mean anything by it and laughed at me a little. I said that I understood he was trying to be nice, but what if I called him "boy" not meaning anything bad by it? His laughing stopped immediately and he apologized. He said that he never looked at it that way before. I said that women have been used through much of history as slaves and second rate citizens so like black people we have to be careful what we let others call us. He thanked me.... sincerely.

When women don't say anything when others call them sweetheart, girl, honey, babe, hottie - or whatever word that is has an element of condescension, belittling or inappropriate closeness of a sexual nature, by their non-reaction they  participate in the perpetuation of the social problems that are embedded in the language.

Beyond the wording itself, you made your point well - that it's not about how you look to others - it's about what you would like for yourself. That's also something recent that women have been able to achieve - having their self-image not based upon what men want or "like", but upon what they want for themselves and upon what they consider to be healthy for themselves. It's good that you stand up for that imho. 

Anyway - just wanted to say thanks for being a strong woman standing up for yourself out there in the world. I admire you.

Btw - did you ever try any of those "desert" recipes I sent you?

Dorothy, I normally agree with most of what you say, but not that speech. I think it is human to say sweet things to others. I will continue to do it and I notice that when I do it, virtually every woman/man appreciates it. You can see it in their gestures and hear it in their voice. Their heart opens. I think the objective of life is to see and express the sweetness and best in everyone.

You do sound like a cynical victim in that sermon and I know you are much better than that.

There is a world of difference between dear and boy.

[Dorothy]

Dorothy, I normally agree with most of what you say, but not that speech. I think it is human to say sweet things to others. I will continue to do it and I notice that when I do it, virtually every woman/man appreciates it. You can see it in their gestures and hear it in their voice. Their heart opens. I think the objective of life is to see and express the sweetness and best in everyone.

You do sound like a cynical victim in that sermon and I know you are much better than that.

There is a world of difference between dear and boy.

Suiren didn't appreciate it - therefore - I'm assuming she didn't think it was sweet. I also did not interpret what was said "you're hot" or having a man analyze if her weight is good or not as sweet.

Just because you don't agree - doesn't mean you have to call my post a sermon - or call me a cynical victim. Are you trying to compliment me with those words too? I can assure you that they did not open my heart.

I really don't think that most people would say anything if it made them uncomfortable because most of the time people that use such language mean well. It takes a great deal of courage to ask someone not to call you something when you know they don't have a clue.

I feel like someone is talking down to me when they use those words with me, much like black friends have described when they have felt condescended to with words like boy and others. You might think there is a world of difference between Dear and Boy in the context that I described - I personally do not. Are you of African American decent Al? If so, then please describe how being called a boy feels to you and I will let you know if being referred to with too personal words with inappropriate sexual overtones feels similar to me as a woman - and perhaps you will understand. .

I don't see myself nor Suiren as a victim. I see Suiren as the opposite actually. That's why I said that I admire her.

[raw-al]

Suiren didn't take it as a compliment - therefore - I'm assuming she didn't think it was sweet. I also did not interpret what was said "you're hot" or having a man analyze if her weight is good or not as sweet.

Just because you don't agree - doesn't mean you have to call my post a sermon - or call me a cynical victim. Are you trying to be "sweet" writing those words?

I feel like someone is talking down to me when they use those words with me, much like black friends have described when they have felt condescended to with words like boy and others. You might think there is a world of difference between Dear and Boy in the context that I described - I personally do not. Are you of African American decent Al? If so, then please describe how being called a boy feels to you and I will let you know if being referred to with too personal words with inappropriate sexual overtones feels similar to me - and perhaps you will understand. .

I don't see myself nor Suiren as a victim. I see Suiren as the opposite actually. That's why I said that I admired her.

I referred to your speech about being called "dear".

I'd be willing to put money on it that the guy you were talking to, was called "dear" by his mother, father, grandfather, grandmother, the lady next door and her husband and so to him he was saying "hey we're all family, or, all us humans are close, maybe even connected". That transcends race etc. Unity consciouusness means we're all connected and we finally realize the accuracy of that statement. That's what self-realization means

I'd also say off hand that the poor guy you gave your speech to, put a little note in his book which said "don't call her anything but 'Hello' if you want her to buy a sweater".

Everybody has been called names in their life, that cut to the bone dear is not one.

If you think that dear has sexual overtones, wow that's a new one on me. That means that every older women in my life was a pervert. My mother, father, neighbours were sexual predators... wow, I'm surrounded. I give up!!!

As I said, you are getting carried away with the victim routine and I know you are far, far better than that.

Whenever an uppidy person (I know you're not BTW) condescends me (shows their moral and grammatical superiority) with a speech like that, I write in my little book, in the back of my memory vaults... "She is in a bad mood today, walk lightly and get ready to run. LOL

[Dorothy]

So, if you think what I wrote was just because I was in a "bad mood" that day, why did you not walk lightly? Why do you come back with insults?

You were not there at the interchange. The man was speaking in a way that was too familiar and it was condescending. Many men have done that with all sorts of different words, not just Dear. My mother, my father and my family also call me Dear and I understand that is meant to be because they feel close to me - and I to them. When a strange man says that - they think they are being "endearing". Usually, to a young woman like I was at the time - it is not.

Please give both Suiren and I enough credit to understand when we feel someone is overstepping their bounds in context. Here it is written words so it's not just about the tone and expression that was used as in my example. Here, someone felt that they had the right to call a women a word that to her had sexual overtones that she did not think was appropriate. When she told him so - he rebuked her. He also felt it was his place to tell her what he thought about her weight and that she was being incorrect in her own evaluation of HERSELF!

Whether you think it was a sermon or not is up to you - but what I was trying to do was support Suiren! If she doesn't want anyone here evaluating her weight, calling her hottie - or whatever GOOD FOR HER asking for what she wants and not cowering.

[raw-al]

Dorothy,
I was specifically talking about the term "Dear", not "hot". I've never called a girl "Hot" in my life... to her face. LOL, well except my wife.

My daughters used to get a great giggle out of saying such and such a movie star was a "hottie". I saw no reason to correct their language. I saw they were having fun and I was glad they were happy.

I used to live in a place where everybody called women; "malove" or "girl" etc. and every guy was referred to as "boy" or "bye"or "my son". I got in the habit of it and once called my father in law "Bye". He's French originally but he got a huge kick out of it. To him I was calling him younger than me.

Once when I was in Wichita, my co-worker and I were in a hotel waiting for the courtesy vehicle when my copilot quite innocently called the guy working in the hotel "bye". As I said, everyone did that back home. The guy was African American and about 6 foot 15. My co-worker was about 5 foot nothin.

I immediately jumped to attention and said to the guy that everyone calls everyone that name back home, and nothing was meant by it. One of those cultural things. I could see the extreme pain and anger in the fellows face. It's hard to know how to undo a situation like that.

Here is a heartwarming story about a black man who was shipwrecked in Newfoundland. The story is much more in depth than this reduced version but this guy returned every year to that town in Newfoundland to visit these people who he was terrified of initially but they saved his life. He was unconscious when rescued and when he awoke he was in these people's house and the women were cleaning the oil off of him. He was certain they would kill him when they discovered he was black, because apparently that's what happened where he was from if a black man was naked in front of a white woman.

To these women they knew all too well about shipwrecks as their husbands fathers and sons were fishermen, so his colour meant nothing to them, they were glad to be of assistance.

This guy used to return annually to the town and was written up in the newspaper. I think he set up some kind of a college fund for kids there. The honour he was given, is only bestowed upon Nfld's best and brightest BTW.

http://troubadour.cna.nl.ca/2012/03/14/truxton-pollux-survivor-lanier-phillips-dead-at-88/
http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/Canada/2012/03/13/19495986.html

[Brad462]

Dorothy, I would appreciate it if you would stop dragging my name through the mud over something that I posted almost two months ago.  I was not judging Suiren, and who are you to judge me?  How can you possibly know what my intentions were?  Yeah, I probably should have chosen my words more carefully, but you need to let it go already.  Obviously suiren knows much more about her weight than I do.

[Dorothy]

Exactly Brad - Suiren knows more about her weight than you do. I'm glad that you have decided to state that showing Suiren that respect.

Let's keep this in perspective shall we instead of going further and further off tangent in ways that I never intended with what I considered to be a similar example from my own life - but not THE ISSUE! Using an example or a metaphor on this forum seems to be the kiss of death - or at least slow torture.

THE point is that Suiren asked that someone not refer to her in a way that she was uncomfortable with particular words that she is uncomfortable with. The point isn't how many people in how many parts of the world are comfortable with what kind of language or who else might be comfortable with any particular word. I am saying that I respect and support Suiren for stating how she felt, asking that it not be done in the future. I respect that she stood up for herself. I still do. That was my point, still is and all this other diversion from what I was trying to point out - I am going to ignore.

When someone says that they prefer you don't call them hottie and your response is to call them sweetheart and you don't expect it to be interpreted negatively - it's not about dragging a name through mud - it's about trying to make you aware of how your language is being interpreted and how it can make someone else feel Brad. I believe you did not have the intention of making her feel defensive, but when you did, your reaction was not conciliatory.

It's not about the particular words - it's about how they are received. If Suiren had the reaction she had and the response was supportive of her desire to be addressed in a way that SHE felt good about - this conversation would not be happening.

People often do not know when they are being insulting. Women often do not stand up for themselves when they feel like they are being talked to in a degrading way or know that it is the other person's intention. Suiren asked for how she wanted to be addressed and it was not respected but argued about.

I'm putting in my own two cents that I appreciate and respect Suiren's desire to be addressed how she wishes and her strength in expressing it - whatever the words - in whatever her culture - in whatever her languages - in however SHE interprets them.

[TylerDurden]

Discrimination is only something that can happen if the relevant "discriminator" means it, it has nothing whatsoever to do with the perception of the accuser. In other words, if someone uses a politically-incorrect word, meaning nothing by it, he should not be accused of discrimination. The alternative is the use of George Orwell's "Newspeak" and "Doublethink" etc.,  not a pleasant option.

In the North of England, people in general get called "duck" or "love"  as  part of normal slang. It would be shameful for a woman(or a man) to get annoyed about that.

[Dorothy]

Discrimination is only something that can happen if the relevant "discriminator" means it, it has nothing whatsoever to do with the perception of the accuser. In other words, if someone uses a politically-incorrect word, meaning nothing by it, he should not be accused of discrimination. The alternative is the use of George Orwell's "Newspeak" and "Doublethink" etc.,  not a pleasant option.

In the North of England, people in general get called "duck" or "love as  part of normal slang. It would be shameful for a woman(or a man) to get annoyed about that.

What if a "white" person were to call a "black" person boy meaning nothing by it, but the black person tells the white person that he doesn't like being called a boy and the reasons for it but then the white person says something like, "don't be so sensitive nigger" - I think that is when you know that there is indeed something meant by it. (Btw- that was a very big exaggeration just to make a point - not to be torn apart on it's own grounds. I know no-one called anyone any such name here - it was an extrapolation to make a general point.)

It's not about the use of any original word that is in issue for me, it is that Suiren had a negative reaction but was treated disrespectfully afterward.

If someone here asks not to be addressed in a particular way but the request is not only rejected but the language continued or escalated - I think that is quite disrespectful and meant to be demeaning. 

[raw-al]

Off-Topic.

[Dorothy]

Agreed Al - all of this has been pretty much off topic to Suiren's thread about wanting to gain weight..

I wanted to respond to what Tyler wrote though as I'm a big fan of George Orwell.

[TylerDurden]

Like I said, if the person does not believe that he is discriminating, then he isn't discriminating. As regards the "nigger" word, first of all, all it means is "black" so isn't genuinely derogatory in the way that "moron", "freak" "malco" all are. Secondly, it's all relative, as if you used the word "nigger"  in Brazil, for example, a black man would be happy with that whereas if you called him "black" he would feel insulted, and the use of that term in the 19th century was routine among many authors without any racist connotation. Then there's the word "negro" which is still happily used by the older generation of blacks in the US but is now frowned upon by the younger generation, yet the word "nigger" is often used in rap lyrics among the young.

What it all boils down to is that almost anything will be perceived as insulting  or derogatory by someone somewhere in the world, due to a misunderstanding or a clash of  different cultures etc.. Therefore, any kind of political correctness  re forcing the use of specific words ultimately destroys any freedom of expression and ruins peoples' lives, introducing an Orwellian nightmare. A case in point being the UK nowadays.

[achillezzz]

If you are a male take injectable testosterone.. 

[raw-al]

Agreed Al - all of this has been pretty much off topic to Suiren's thread about wanting to gain weight..

I wanted to respond to what Tyler wrote though as I'm a big fan of George Orwell.

Still off-topic.

[majormark]

One thing that helped me gain some weight lately is the free software called cron-o-meter (also available as an online service). I made sure to go over 2000 calories a day and some days I would even go over 3000.

Now, I know counting calories does not seem natural, but when I ate as much as I felt I needed it was usually under 2000 and my weight was dropping.

Another thing that contributed was consuming unfermented milk, miked with honey and closer to body temperature.