Im eating pretty much just meat because everything else seems to make me feel worse.
My health sucks, I have IBS, anxiety, frequent urgent urination, inability to sleep through the night most of the time (due to getting up to pee), my mind can't handle things properly, I cry many times per day (very weird for me, but I guess not anymore), this has all been going on for over 2.5 years now.
You might assume that its all in my head, so I can just change things. Youd be right and wrong there. Its literally all in my head, but I cant even control my mind. Brain injury is the weirdest thing.
Im doing this diet because I want my life back, and its my last shot. Ive tried it all. I want to feel able again, like I can just live like everyone else I know. Everything in my life has lost its value, because why would it matter at all if Im not okay? Why would I care to do as Im told, if I dont get to be happy? Oh yeah, I suffer from increasingly bad depression. That makes me feel ridiculous too, I wonder why I cant even make myself happy. I dont work, I dont go to school, not right now. Im on a 4 month vacation to snowboard in the mountains. Thats how hard my life is, why arent I happy? Because my body feels bad, and many many other things. I feel incapable. I cant even sleep through the night.
I dont weigh myself anymore, I dont even have a scale with me here. It got too depressing. I've been trying since rehab in 2010 to gain weight. Believe it or not, I now weigh (well, last time I checked) 5 pounds less than I did in rehab. Thats bad.
I cant start out slow, my body wont allow it. Yesterday I had a small bowl of organic vegetarian noodles, Ive been paying for that since I ate it. Massive bloated stomach. Pain, unbearable fatigue.
What about just having a piece of fruit? Nope. Also bad. Bloated and tired again. I tried and apple once, and a banana the time before. My body allows me berries
Its really hard to get good meat and fat here, trust me. Ive really been trying, my comfort depends on it. I found meat thats alright I guess, but no good fat.