Longtime Guest-turned-New Member, looking for answers. Hello to everybody

[snowfox]

Hello to anyone who decides to read this. I am familiar with many of you, as I have been curiously and lovingly reading most of your posts, particularly Inger's, sabertooth's, and goodsamaritan's. I've been a guest on here for years, but never joined because I wasn't doing a RAF diet, although I've been trying to. I finally joined because I wasn't able to do it on my own, and was wondering if anyone had any suggestions/tips/ideas to make my gag reflex go away...

A little over 3 years ago, I started following Mark Sisson's primal blueprint diet. I had always been relatively healthy, almost never get sick, and was relatively fit. But I have always had some ailments such as psoriasis and dandruff, as well as severe depression and very low self-worth. I went primal after a couple years of just eating regular whole foods (but I did eat bread, which is not a whole food), and before those years was raw vegan, vegan, vegetarian, etc. After going primal, I lost some weight and my depression subsided somewhat. I enjoyed having more  regular energy. I have never really been interested in fruit, which led me to eat somewhat seasonally. But even though I never ate fast food and stayed away from processed junk in preceding years (except yogurt and bread and cheese), eventually after about 2 years, all of my cravings for these foods surfaced again and my emotional imbalances seemed to get out of hand. Obviously this had to do with external factors as well (which are personal and which I won't get into, but have to do with relationships, mental state, not having any goals, etc.), however my appetite eventually could not be sated and I found myself craving chocolate, or ice cream, even cookies after I had already eaten a generously-portioned meal of rich bone broth soup with fatty pork and vegetables in it.

Eventually I abandoned paleo/primal, even though I still identified with it and knew it was at least the right team to be on. I still only buy meat that is grass-fed or pastured, pastured eggs from a local Mennonite farm where the hens eat bugs and plants, wild fish (except mussels- I buy farmed), and try to build my meals around these ingredients. I stay away from vegetable oils and legumes, but grains and sugar and dairy all pull me towards them. Every time I ate/eat something that contains grains and/or sugar I cringe and feel guilty. I know it only causes pain and disease.

I've always instinctively believed that eating whole foods from the earth was the way we were meant to eat, and so in the years precluding my transition I bought and read numerous books on the subject, such as Loren Cordain's "The Paleo Diet", Aajonus Vonderplanitz's books, "We Want to Live" and "The Recipe For Living Without Disease", Mark Sisson's "Primal Blueprint", and other various titles of importance, "Wheat Belly" by William Davis, "The Omnivore's Dilemma" by Michael Pollan, "Eating Animals" by Jonathan Safran Foer, Sally Fallon's "Nourishing Traditions", etc. Not to mention, I've read nearly all there is to read about raw foods from the entire spectrum (I used to be raw vegan eons ago, and vegetarian before that, all during my youth), and have since given away all my raw vegan/vegetarian books away to Goodwill.

Now I'm at a point where I feel lost. I do not need anyone to prove to me that RAF is good; I know this. I know that there is nothing better for the body than fresh pastured meat and especially, the animal's organs. I know that mostly RAF will heal me. But there are a few problems I'm facing. The first is the most important, that the only thing I can stomach eating raw is muscle meat from ruminants, which I can do maybe 2 times a week. I can eat cut up raw organs (heart is definitely the easiest one to eat), but after about 6 bites, my gag reflex kicks in and I have to literally hold my nose and consciously swallow. Eating liver and kidney is most difficult. Lung is a bit odd because of its foamy texture, but otherwise it has no taste and I can eat a few bites. Because of this, though, I can't eat it more often that once a month.

I have had dreams about eating raw meat- I know my body craves it. I love the *idea* of it. The trouble is learning how to enjoy it. In my dreams I will gnaw the meat right off of an animal's leg, or bite into a fresh liver no problem. Seeing others eat this way does not disgust me in the slightest. The fact that most of my friends, my boyfriend, and my family think this is weird or unsafe or downright crazy is an issue I will begin facing once I can actually eat this way.

I need to learn how to do this because I have a lot of things that never went away while being primal/ paleo. I've always had, on and off:

- psoriasis
- dandruff
- joint pain, stiffness
- mental instability, very emotional
- low energy
- low moods
- absolutely zero sexual desire
- no motivation
- no internal clock/ circadian rhythm out of tune
- skin is dull, occasional acne (while primal skin was noticeably healthier
- suboptimal body composition (very strong, but, I am 5'2" and weigh over 150 lbs. I don't appear bubbly and fat, just thick. Luckily no double-chin although I have plenty of thigh to spare)
- no feeling of restfulness in the mornings upon waking

So I guess my question is.. how did all of you begin? Where did you start? Did you starve yourself for days until eating the meat/organs? I have always eaten all of my meat rare and have never shied away from pink pork or chicken. Sashimi has always been a favourite. I just can't seem to actually enjoy eating everything raw and would like to know how everyone does it. I need to learn because I think my low self-esteem and self-worth can also be aided with taking care of myself. I'm tired of staying in the shadows and waiting for something to happen. I have been cooking since I was 8 years old, so erasing my background in French and Italian cooking is also difficult, but I am willing to do that. To be honest, not spending hours in the kitchen is appealing.

Sorry for a long and strange intro. Anyone with anything to share, any tips, or any links to your own stories that you have written before and do not want to type out again, would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading.


Christina

[eveheart]

You said that " the only thing I can stomach eating raw is muscle meat from ruminants, which I can do maybe 2 times a week. I can eat cut up raw organs (heart is definitely the easiest one to eat), but after about 6 bites, my gag reflex kicks in and I have to literally hold my nose and consciously swallow. Eating liver and kidney is most difficult. Lung is a bit odd because of its foamy texture, but otherwise it has no taste and I can eat a few bites. Because of this, though, I can't eat it more often that once a month."

If you don't gag at the beginning of your meal, I would say that this problem is not in your head, but it's in the amount of organs you are trying to eat.  Why not try interpreting the gag reflex as a stop signal? Also, make sure you are getting plenty of other food, including animal fat and whatever else you choose to eat.

Clearly, your motivation is in the right place. Give yourself time to learn the ropes.

[ys]

I don't enjoy my food.  I don't find it delicious.  It is mostly very bland and some organs have a little more flavor.  But I prefer it that way.  I can eat it everyday for months and not get tired of it.

Liver tip - cut into small cubes, preferably when it is half-frozen  and take one with meat and fat. 

[cherimoya_kid]

I agree with eveheart. Be patient with yourself.  Even the long, long-timers have gone through all sorts of weird extremes and dead-ends on their nutritional journeys.  Sometimes cravings win out. So what? Here are some things you can do to control cravings, though:

1. Focus on fat.  It's very satiating
2. try eating mineral-rich foods like shellfish, and taking natural mineral supplements like Terramin and dolomite. They are very filling as well.
3. Don't eat carbs early in the day. Save them for your last meal.
4. Just be low-carb in general, if you find it works for you. Low-carb is really, really good for controlling cravings.

I also struggle with dandruff and other skin problems, allergic dermatitis specifically, and I find that taking vitamin D supplements (the Now brand works best for me) and eating a lot of fat really seems to be the best thing for my skin issues.

Eating low-carb is also good for controlling the emotional roller coaster.

[Ioanna]

Hello Snowfox!

I started with red meat because I was severely anemic.  Do you have a dehydrator? I still like using mine, it only takes an hour, but you can leave meat in there for much longer. The dehydrator changes the texture, dries out the outer surface a little and makes it warm.  Much more appetizing than cold, to me.  I like meat better when it's warm or room temp.  Spices might also help. I used salt (way too much!) in the first two weeks.  I think in about a month cooked meat looked ruined to me.  Re organs, I started eating them bc I gave them to my dog and the smell was attractive to me. I started eating my dogs food!… the size of a pea on the first day   It still easier for me to eat organs when they're in a blended mix, except liver. Liver I can eat on it's own, but i cut into tiny pieces and dehydrate for a few hours. It's really good to me that way.  Kidney I don't like at all, so I don't eat it.  I think organ meat is so strong, even for me. I get blended ground mixes that are about 30% or so of various organs and the rest muscle meat. The organs give extra flavor without being too overwhelming (for me) that way.

Hope this helps!, and welcome!!

[Ioanna]

Oh, yes, and it sounds like you're attracted to fat and that it helps you emotionally and mentally.  Maybe finding some paleo sources will help you stay away from grains, cheese, yogurt, etc.

And for dandruff, did you ever try everclear or vodka in a spray bottle?… add rosemary and lavender too! 

[snowfox]

Wow, thank you for all of your replies guys. My take-away from everyone's input is that I need to change my frame of mind. I should just try to focus and be more conscious of what I need to eat (plenty of raw fats, shellfish, any meats I can stomach) rather than what I want to eat (meat roasted to death or slow-cooked until it's no longer meat, squishy bread, and icecream), and that at first it does not have to be about enjoyment. Enjoy how you feel afterwards, rather than enjoying the meal itself. It also sounds like perhaps I had been trying to eat too many different things all at once, and as eveheart said, maybe I should  just see the bigger picture and be patient. Give it time. And just maybe, stop at the gag reflex! I guess eating 2 or 3 oz. is better than eating none at all, and maybe in time I'll be able to eat more of the organs. At the very least I guess if I try to eat tiny portions of organs more often rather than loading up once a month, I will probably get better nutrition from doing it in small bouts more frequently...

Also, I really liked your dehydrator tip, Ioanna. Brilliant! I think that would solve the issue of having excess organs leftover, and rather than freeze them, I could simply dehydrate pieces, thus improving the texture (such a smart idea!) and then dry the rest to use as portable meals.

All the advice is greatly appreciated. Made my night. : )))))

[TylerDurden]

Other ideas:-

Start cooking all your meats and organ-meats, adding any sauces you want. Every so often, you should then reduce the average cooking temperature by  1 degree Celsius and reduce the  amount of sauces, until, eventually, you can easily eat raw meat at room temperature and enjoy it.

What I did was to have 90% of my diet consist of raw foods I liked the taste of - for the other 10% I would keep on eating raw foods I  disliked.  I would  also buy lots of tiny amounts of raw foods to see  which ones I could get used  to immediately. Over time, I would re-add some of the raw foods I instantly disliked to my diet,  to se if my tastes had changed.

Another idea would be to go frequently  to  cheap, local restaurants and  eat raw animal food dishes there like sashimi, beef carpacio, steak tartare etc. Our initial aversion to raw  animal foods is purely the  result of social conditioning, so eating raw animal foods in a  socially-acceptable environment like a restaurnt convinces the subconscious more and more that raw animal oods are fine.

Re gag-reflex:-  I used to cut raw liver into tiny chunk and swallow them one by on, each time followed by a big gulp of alkaline mineral water in order to get rid of the taste and stop any gag-reflex.

[Chris]

Welcome. Start by cleaning up your diet first. I take it, since you have been cruising the site for a while, you've picked up hints on what to eat and how to eat it. There is NO set diet or rules. Everybody does what works for them. You need to adjust and see what works for you. This may take some experimenting and time. Listen to your body, and let your body drive you to what it wants and craves. Throw out all processed foods, and anything that reads like a paragraph or requires a PHD to understand its ingredients. Start with one step at a time. Give yourself time! Don't expect results overnight. Oh yeah, this diet is not a cure all. Don't think this diet will cure all your woes. Food is only one part of the human condition. You'll have to work on your other issues in your life as well. Nutrition is always a great place to start, where you can build the foundation for everything else. Good Luck on your journey. Like all good things in life. Nothing comes easy. Stay positive, stick with it, and listen to your instincts.